Tag Archives: oregon

College Football, Huskers

Ducky II: How Nebraska Will Beat Oregon (Again)

It seems like the only one who’s confident about the Blackshirts’ chances of stopping the Oregon Ducks is Bob Diaco.

That would be same Bob Diaco whose defense surrendered 497 yards to Arkansas State last week and made no bones about the fact that his bone throwers on the field were conceding all those frustrating swing passes by design. If the Red Wolves offense was going to make the Blackshirts bleed, they were going to have to scratch and claw their way to the end zone. There would be no shots to the jugular on Diaco’s watch.

Diaco broke down his unconventional game plan during his unplanned Monday presser in which he also had to take time to set some things straight with his new buddies in the Nebraska media. 

Seeing a Sun Belt team rake up 497 yards doesn’t make for the sexiest stat line ever but as Diaco said on Monday, his prime directive is for his defense to do whatever it takes to ensure their opponent has one less point than the Huskers at the final whistle.

Sure, the Blackshirts could have been more aggressive last Saturday and gotten after the Red Wolves but why show what they’re really capable of if they don’t have to?

Kind of ruins the surprise for Oregon doesn’t it?

Now here’s where the Ducks are going to be in for a rude awakening. Since Diaco arrived on campus and flipped the 3-4 switch, the true potential of the revamped Blackshirts has been shrouded in a cloak of mystery.

Or, you could say he’s been keeping his defense holed up in a meat locker where they pound sides of beef into submission from sunup to sundown.

And suddenly, everything all makes sense.

Here’s an important detail about Diaco.

He’s an Italian who grew up in Cedar Grove, New Jersey, a mere 96 miles away from The City of Brotherly Love. It’s listed on your atlas as Philadelphia.

In other words, there’s a rather high likelihood that the Rocky saga has been fused to Diaco’s DNA.

What Bob Diaco was thinking about as the Nebraska media chased after him following the Arkansas State game.

In Rocky II, as we all know, Apollo Creed and Rocky Balboa squared off for a rematch. In their first fight, Rocky suffered a detached retina, an injury that could lead to much graver consequences than just being a career ender.

In order to protect his eye, which, as we all know, would go on to become the eye of the tiger in Rocky III, Mickey convinced Rocky to fight as a right hander instead of his natural southpaw. Keeping his left hand up to jab would make it much harder for Apollo to knock his eye out of his head. Then, when the time was right, Rocky would switch back to fighting left handed and pow, Apollo would have no idea what hit him.

And that’s exactly what is going to happen to the Ducks today.

The Blackshirts are finally going to come out swinging lefty and will spend the afternoon eating lightning and crapping thunder up and down the Autzen Stadium turf and knock Oregon’s block off.

Huskers win 37 – 31.


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College Football, Huskers

Second Earthquake Strikes Lincoln

On September 3rd, at approximately 7:02 am, an earthquake struck Oklahoma and was felt all the way in Lincoln, Nebraska.

Then, on September 17th, at approximately 2:41pm, another earthquake struck. This time, in Lincoln. A new fault line has been detected directly under Memorial Stadium.

Or at least, that’s what it felt like.

It’s been a long time since the energy reached that level in the 3rd largest town in Nebraska on gameday. At times the stadium was actually shaking, it was so loud the woman in front of me kept covering her ears (sorry lady, but I wasn’t about to stop screaming because you forgot your earplugs). Not even the man behind me going off on a 20 minute tangent about the zone read or the lady crushing my legs with her dumbass reclining plastic seat cushion could ruin my gameday.

Saturday was just what the Huskers needed. It seems that the entire team has bought into Mike Riley’s program and it’s really fun to watch. They just never give up. From DPE being back (hell YES, he is one of my favorite players to watch), to Ozigbo proving he is the number one back, to the D getting those big stops, Westerkamp catching anything that comes his way, and Tommy being the most durable player that I have ever seen, it was fun as hell to watch. I’m not saying there weren’t times where I wanted to sit down and close my eyes, because there were. After last season, it’s hard to watch a close game, but it’s nice to see the team has more confidence and bravery than I do.

https://youtu.be/HtKXFJIIlZc

The tailgates were in prime form. I first went to a tailgate east of the stadium in the horseshoe thanks to an invitation from Todd’s brother, Troy. It was completely catered and had bartenders. That’s how you do it, invite a bunch of strangers over and serve them alcohol. The basics of tailgating. I didn’t get a picture of it because I was sort of preoccupied by drinking somebody else’s free alcohol.

Post victory we headed to the Champions Club where my friend’s family had the best celebration happening in Lincoln. Anywhere with beer, food, a TV, and a place to sit outside the stadium is going to be a pretty ideal situation.

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parkinglot
Also, if you were at the game on Saturday, go find yourself in the Gigapixel panoramic photo that was taken during the game. Then, if you have nothing else going on in your life,  you can tag your face with a big red N.

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Onto the Next One

The upcoming Northwestern game brings the start of conference play. I hate Northwestern just about as much as a person can hate a team for no real reason. Quite frankly, a team that is 1-2 doesn’t even deserve my time. But I will be there, and so will thousands of other Husker fans because we travel to Evanston better than people who live in Chicago travel to Evanston (Sad!).

Have you even seen that disgusting dump known as Ryan Field? It’s a field of potholes with some grass accidentally growing in between. Somebody is going to get injured out there and I’m going to write the NCAA a sternly worded letter wondering why they don’t do something about that disgraceful junk pile that moonlights as a stadium. Those nerds over at Northwestern can’t figure out how to even out their field and grow some grass at a reasonable length? Whatever. The good news is that we can all focus on the real beauty on the field that day: the only alternate uniforms I have ever liked.

RIP Northwestern
RIP Northwestern

Hoping Tommy gets a lot of rest this week and drinks a lot of pickle juice. I heard Caleb Lightbourn say that this last week he tried to prepare for the game more by sticking to more of a routine before gameday. Well, it looked like it worked to me, he improved by about a million percent. So get back to that routine. Doesn’t sound like they are sure about Brandon Reilly returning just yet but he should be back to full-speed soon. I had a dream that Westy got hurt so hopefully I’m zero percent psychic.

I would go into more detail about Northwestern’s team but I don’t want to waste your time talking about a 1-2 team. We all have better things to do than that. Plus, apparently some Northwestern fan is doing a guest blog for us. So keep an eye out for that, or don’t.

If you or anyone else is making the trip, there’s a Husker bar called Kirkwood that fans are meeting up at earlier on Saturday, followed a trip to the stadium and some tailgate crashing. It looks like there is a big Nebraska tailgate as well. Here is the info. Hopefully we will see some of you there and watch the Huskers move onto a 4-0 start to the season and their first conference win.

P.S. Never Forget.

 

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College Football

Breaking Down the Top 15 #FireHelfrich Tweets

What a difference a year makes, huh?

Exactly one year ago today, the Huskers made an improbable fourth quarter comeback against Miami only to immediately lose in overtime and fall to 1-2 to start the first season of the Mike Riley era. Things really couldn’t have been any worse for Husker Nation.

Now, the Huskers are 3-0, ranked 20th in two ultimately pointless polls and should be able to run the table to 7-0 before their trip to Wisconsin.

Meanwhile, Oregon fans are all in a dander over losing to the Huskers and are already calling for the head of Mark Helfrich.

A case could be made that he’s destined to become the Frank Solich of Eugene, but give the guy a chance. Unlike Frank, he didn’t have to wait until his fourth season to lose a National Championship game. It only took him until year two.

That still isn’t enough to keep the #FireHelfrich crowd from lighting up their Twitter torches. For your enjoyment, here are the hottest of hot takes from rabid Duck fans.

OK. Um, I’m not even an Oregon fan and I know the dynamic duo of Chip Kelly and Marcus Mariota was only good for a single Rose Bowl victory. It was #FireHelfrich who led Mariota to Alamo Bowl glory and got the Ducks back to the title game.

You are probably right.

Hey, Chip Kelly lost his championship game too.

Twitter is not the place for rational arguments, buddy.

Somebody just dropped Steve Pederson’s favorite word.

But math is hard.

True. But Husker Nation is not complaining.

What kind of car did Mr. #FireHelfrich get as a replacement?

Holy shit. No program should ever be that desperate.

Again, Husker Nation will never complain about this.

That’s a great question.

Oh sure. They could simply trade jobs.

Contrary to popular belief, there are probably a few worse coaches out there. And they don’t even go for 2 every time.

Does this mean Brady Hoke would still have a job or does #FireHelfrich cover both of them?

We’ll see about that. Good luck against Colorado next week.


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College Football, Huskers, Mike Riley

Sunday Evening Hot Takes: Oregon Edition

How much fun was that Oregon game?

Even with all the stress and near heart attack moments, this was arguably the most fun game of the Mike Riley era from start to finish. (Michigan State was a blast but only at the end.)

With the Huskers topping the Ducks 35-32, Nebraska finally beat a ranked non-conference opponent at home for the first time since 2001 when Bob Davie brought the Fighting Irish to Lincoln.

The best part about this win was that it was a complete team effort on both sides of the ball. The offense and the Blackshirts overcame potentially backbreaking miscues and stepped up big when it absolutely mattered the most-  from De’Mornay Pierson-El’s game changing punt return (how great was it to see him back in 2014 form?), to Tommy Armstrong Jr. doing it with his arm and legs on the Huskers’ final drive, to Kieron Williams‘ game saving pass breakup with a minute to play.

Then there’s Mike Riley. Where has the guy who was on the sidelines on Saturday been hiding? Talk about a stone cold assassin with a pair of cajones the size of casaba melons. Going for it on 4th down three times including with the game on the line? Heck. Yes.

And how about that blitz out of nowhere on Oregon’s final play? With the Ducks facing a 4th and 18 from Nebraska’s 48, the Huskers’ secondary was lined up 12 yards off the ball. If this scenario didn’t instantly give you flashback’s to BYU’s Hail Mary, congratulations for blocking that one from your mind.

Instead of giving the quarterback all day to throw this time around, the Blackshirts brought the heat with a six man rush that immediately flushed Dakota Prukop from the pocket and forced him to run into the welcoming arms of Michael Rose-Ivey who didn’t waste any time slamming him to the turf to lock up the win for the Huskers.

On with the usual Sunday stuff…

Mike Riley’s Balloon Watch

mike-riley-happy-balloon_2

Mike gets two balloons this week. For two very obvious reasons.

Our Score Prediction

Another week, another mostly solid prediction from us. #humblebrag

Oregon’s ‘No Green’ Curse Continues

surrender-green

This is a text I received from an Oregon friend before kickoff. Apparently the Ducks’ version of the Huskers’ surrender whites is to wear uniforms without green. This was an interesting (and thankfully true) wrinkle worth keeping an eye on if you’re into that whole wagering on football thing.

This Iowa Fan Needed a Hug. He Didn’t Get One From Us.

How Lucky/Good Was That Bacon Saving  False Start Penalty?

false-start


NUMBERS TO IMPRESS YOUR FRIENDS WITH

2: As in can you believe Oregon kept going for two? This will never not be funny.

7.1 Even with Royce Freeman out due to injury, Oregon’s average yards-per-carry was a season high. The Ducks averaged 6.8 YPC against UC Davis and 6.7 YPC against Virginia. The last time Oregon averaged over 7 YPC was in their 44-28 win over Cal last November.

45: De’Mornay Pierson-El’s game changing 45 yard punt return was his longest since he broke off a 42 yarder at Minnesota last year. Can he please return all the punts and never do the jet sweep? On 11 career rushing attempts, DPE has netted -7 yards.

47.2: Caleb Lightbourn’s average yardage on five punts, three of which pinned Oregon inside their own 20.

83: Get to know Brian Reimers, the walk-on redshirt sophomore who hauled in a touchdown pass (his first career reception) to cap the Huskers’ drive to open the second half.

7,376: In case you didn’t hear it over the crowd noise, Tommy Armstrong Jr. is now your career passing leader. He eclipsed Taylor Martinez’s mark of 7,258 passing yards yesterday.


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College Football, Huskers, Mike Riley

Hey Oregon, Welcome to Mike’s House

Oregon,

We need to talk. Don’t worry. This is all going to be for your own good. I just want to make sure you little Duckies are prepared for what’s going to happen on Saturday.

You’ve probably been licking your bills for a while now at the prospect of migrating halfway across the country just to beat up on your former in-state rival like the good ol’ days of your annual Civil War.

But there’s one tiny problem.

Mike Riley isn’t at Oregon State anymore.

He’s at Nebraska.

Sure, I could start rattling off all the ways Riley’s coaching toy box has been upgraded but the truth is he’s just getting a taste of what it’s like to be in your Nikes, with world-class facilities and talent far beyond what he had in Corvallis. His playing field is finally level with yours.

But he has one big advantage that can’t be bought with Phil Knight money.

Heck, it can’t even be bought with Warren Buffett money.

And that’s Husker Nation.

While there’s no official date for when it was founded, a great case could be made for November 3, 1962, the day the Huskers’ sellout streak started. The Big Red lost to Missouri that day but the fans were back for the next one and all the others for the past 54 years. You Ducks have the honor of being number 350.

That’s kind of a big deal especially when you consider Memorial Stadium has nearly tripled in size during that time and Bill Callahan was head coach for a while.

Things are a little bit different around these parts. You’re going to be greeted by 90,000 of the most loyal and passionate fans you’ve ever played in front of anywhere. And that includes the little nest you call a stadium. (54,000 fans for your home games? Cute.)

Those fans (who will all be wearing red, btw) have known since Monday they won’t be sitting down for the duration of the game. All it took was a tweet from a linebacker that simply said #NoSitSaturday and everyone was like ‘Cool. We’ll spread the word.’

That’s how people roll in Nebraska. We take care of each other. Someone needs a favor? It gets done. Mike Riley is one of us now so when he steps onto that sideline, 90,000 people will have his back along with another million plus watching from afar.

Oregon, when you come out of that tunnel, it’s important that you’re prepared for what’s going to happen.

First off, no matter how loud it gets, and it will get loud, Memorial Stadium will not fall apart. She may feel like she’s about to crumble but don’t worry. She’s as solid as a rock. Mostly.

Either way, you’ll probably want to dip into your vast wardrobe and pick out some pants that can hide crotchal region stains (both the front and rear kind) just to be safe. Maybe something in a nice dark green? That should do the trick.

It’s going to be so loud you may feel yourself getting knocked backwards by the sheer force of 90,000 people screaming at the top of their lungs. For as much as these folks want to see the Huskers win, they don’t mean you any genuine harm. No matter the outcome, they’ll be cheering for you after the final whistle. It’s what Nebraska fans do.

So there you are, taking it all in and you see him.

mike-riley-flo-rida
Welcome to Mike’s house.

Yes, that inflatable Bob’s Big Boy looking thing is definitely a creeper and he’ll be there to welcome you onto the field. His name’s Lil’ Red and just go with it. Maybe even make a mental bookmark of the moment you make eye contact with his black, soul-less eyes. You’ll already be having the most surreal experience of your football career so why not make it just a little bit weirder?

Now kickoff. That’s when the fun really starts.

You may have read somewhere that Mike Riley’s Huskers can be a little unpredictable. For as frustrating as that can be, it’s been kind of fun that every game brings a new surprise. Will the Big Red decide to kick it old-school and pound the ball down your bill until you give up, or will Tommy Armstrong have the green light to go full Tommy, or maybe a mix of both to really keep your defense on their webbed toes?

Then there’s the problem of dealing with the Blackshirts.

Oh, you have an Olympic hurdler as a wide receiver? Well the Huskers have the guy who set the South Dakota state record in the 200 meter dash and he’s really good at making interceptions and too good at making tackles. Trust me, if you happen to make it past the defensive line, he’s not somebody you want to run into.

And if that wasn’t enough to make you want to go hang out in a park and beg for bread crumbs, there’s a rumor going around that the Huskers are getting hooked up with Yeezy Cleats.

If that happens, you’re doomed. Everyone knows it’s a proven scientific fact that a person runs faster in new shoes and Yeezys are far from being another boring pair of Nikes.

Good luck tomorrow, Oregon. You’re going to need it.


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Huskers

All Your Corny Duck Headlines Belong To Us

Duck week has finally arrived and with it has come an entire flock of corny headlines and bad puns.

It’s only Tuesday and already the “Duck Hunt” angle is more worn out than Oregon’s uniform designer.

Actually, it’s been worn out since at least 2011 as evidenced by this tweet from the University of Arizona social team when they swooped-in on myself and everyone’s favorite Husker tweeter Brett Baker to set the record straight on who did the Duck Hunt meme first. Ever since, barely a week has gone by without pornbots and cam-girl accounts liking  and replying to it. We can probably thank the fine academic reputation of U of A for that one.

With that in mind, I spent exactly 15 minutes this morning (pre-coffee, mind you) to see how many cheesy and pun-filled headlines I could up with. The finally tally was 38.

If you’re a media type in need of headline, feel free to pick from any of these gems. They cover plenty of potential story lines no matter how Saturday plays out.

Duck, Duck Goosed

SNAFU: Situation Normal, All Flocked Up

Quack Attacked

Ducks Soar in Lincoln

Blackshirts Make Memorial Stadium a No-Fly Zone

Was the Ducks’ Swagger One Giant Decoy?

The Ducks Get Plucked

Today’s Special: Duck a l’Blackshirt

Would you rather fight 100 duck-sized ducks or one Herbie-sized Herbie?  [This one is for the inevitable think piece on r/Huskers.}

There’s No Dynasty For These Ducks

Memorial Stadium Mallard Massacre

Better Ducks Next Year?

Ducks Win on a Wing and a Prayer

Follow the Oregon Trail Back to Eugene

Ducks Get Sunk

The Ducks Lay an Egg

The Ducks Run Wild

Hail Mary? More Like Hail Daisy

Duck Roast

Husker Fans Will Be Quacking About this Loss

The Ducks Answer the Call

Duck Blinded

Dagnabbit Donald

Ducks Soar Into Lincoln, Waddle Out

Move Over 12 Gauge, The Blackshirts are the Ducks’ Newest Nemesis

These Ducks Pass the Test

Huskers Punch the Ducks Right in the Bill

Ducks Hunt Huskers

Call a Taxidermist, We Have Some New Trophies

Blackshirts Trampled by Webbed Feet

F—K a Duck. It’s the Same Story for the Huskers

Who Knew Ducks had Teeth?

These Ducks Need More Seasoning

The Ducks’ Wings Get Clipped

The Ducks Crap All Over Memorial Stadium

The Sea of Red is No Duck Sanctuary

The Ducks Get Stuffed

The Ducks’ Season Has Gone South


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College Football

Field Trip: Lending Our Support to the Other Big Red

Yesterday sure was an amazing day in college football wasn’t it?

Thanks to the Big Red being absent from the New Year’s Day slate, I was able to kick back and enjoy a stress-free day of football from dawn to dusk.

Shortly after Jameis Winston suffered his season defining humiliation…

I managed to peel myself off the couch, find some pants and make the three mile journey up to The Happy Ending,  our local Husker “watch site” which also doubles as a “backer bar” for the Buckeyes of The Ohio State University.

In the year 2015, it was nice to see regional dialects alive and well. Had no idea the term backer bar even existed until I mentioned the phrase watch site, which sent the table full of Buckeyes I was sitting with into a giggle fit.  And as they pointed out, calling a bar a watch site is strictly a Nebraska phenomenon. The Google doesn’t lie.

Anyway, I went to cheer on the other Big Red (tOSU doesn’t have an equivalent nickname as I learned) in support of a friend who bleeds the whole Buckeye color palate and in support of America in general. Any team that can make Nick Saban sad is a friend of mine.

This season, there were just a couple Nebraska and Ohio State games that overlapped and when they did, it was only for a few minutes with their game wrapping up as ours kicked off.  The only interactions us Huskers had with Buckeye fans went no further than a simple and respectful head nod as we weaved through their ground floor crowd to our upstairs party room. Things certainly weren’t like 2011 and 2012 when our teams went head-to-head and resulted in a bar full of fans ready to reenact the climactic rumble from The Outsiders.

Random observations from my time as a temporary Buckeye fan:

Much like Los Angeles being home to the greatest number of Armenians outside of Armenia, the same can be said for people from Ohio. I’ve seen a lot in my days as a Husker fan but nothing prepared be for the shock and bewilderment of seeing a bar at standing-room-only an hour before kickoff. We’re talking a solid 300 tOSU fans packed under one roof. In Husker Nation’s defense, we do have many more watch sites than tOSU has backer bars, causing our fan base to be much more diluted.

Why yes, Ohio State fans are getting pumped by listening to You’re the Best Around.

They all thought Pelini getting fired was hilarious.

They were quite welcoming to a Husker fan in their midst. Though one of them did crow about that one time in college when they beat a Ron Dayne lead Nebraska team.

Husker Hoodie
As an emissary of Husker Nation, I made sure my allegiance to the Big Red was front and center.

Buckeye fans are ridiculously coordinated in their cheering. Instead of only springing into action when someone randomly starts a Go Big Red, they had a guy with a whistle calling out cheers. Seeing them in action was like watching a bunch of pasty, Midwestern looking Brazilians cheering on the Canarinho during the World Cup. Gotta tip my Snap-On hat to that one.

Ohio State’s offense is eerily similar to the offense formerly directed by Tim Beck in terms of its explosiveness, curious play calls,  and straight up Yolo-ness.

Spend the 4th quarter repeatedly getting stuffed? Time to break off an 85 yard TD run. Just need to kill the clock to end the game? Dial up 50 yard bomb. Having trouble punching it in out of the shotgun? Better have a wide receiver make an impossible TD pass.

This is the sort of reaction a wide receiver’s needle threading touchdown pass elicits.

By the time Alabama’s Hail Mary was intercepted, I had developed a new appreciation for Ohio State fans. Granted, they might be a little too in love with the slop dished up by Skyline Chili but their love for their Buckeyes is truly a sight to behold.

OHIO STATE FAN

Hopefully, my new found Buckeye friends won’t be too crushed when my allegiance switches to the Ducks for the championship game.

Go Big Green!

Or whatever Oregon fans say.

 

 

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College Football

What games to watch on a Husker-free weekend

The Huskers will be enjoying a weekend off (aka Nebraska’s fall wedding weekend) so that means there’s an absolutely golden opportunity to revel in the misery of others without the risk of having to join all the other losers in to the cesspool of defeat.

Before you spend an entire Saturday on the couch watching strange teams easily making all the plays the Huskers can never seem to make, we can’t stress enough the need to make an appearance with wife and kids (if applicable) and make a noticeable dent (no matter how small) in household duties that have gone neglected since August 30th.

Pick a game or two and enjoy a stress free-weekend.

Georgia at Missouri
11am (all times listed at Runza Time)
CBS

more-missouri-butthurt-9-8-12

After their Heisman hopeful Todd Gurley was suspended due to being ratted out by a jilted autograph dealer, the Bulldogs turn to true freshman Nick Chubb (best name for an unproven backup ever) to lead the ground attack. And Missouri has… wait… who really cares about anything Missouri does? Root for Georgia in this one.

Texas vs Oklahoma
11am
ABC/ESPN3

Beat-Texas

The Sooners travel to Dallas for their annual Red River Rivalry showdown with Texas. The game has always been a little off-putting in the sense that it’s like your favorite cousin going to a big invite only blow out party with the half of his family you’re not related to. Once you get over the FOMO, sit back, relax and watch that favorite cousin do the Lord’s work by kicking the crap out of the Longhorns.

Oregon at UCLA
2:30pm
FOX

A61EMDhCYAAd-Pc

OK. This one hurts. It’s like being back in time eight weeks before the events in Sixteen Candles take place. You’re Samantha sitting at the geek table in the cafeteria watching a hunky blond version of Jake Ryan having a sweet and playful tickle fight with his longtime girlfriend Caroline (bet you didn’t know that was her name). For some sects of Husker Nation, the day Oregon goes Ice Princess on Scott Frost can’t come soon enough for Nebraska would welcome him back with open and loving arms. Then again, that’s what was promised for Bo Pelini. And if we remember correctly, Husker Nation didn’t react to kindly to a guy who originally chose Stanford over Nebraska’s finest land grant institution. Even without factoring in what UCLA did to Nebraska the last two seasons, you want Oregon to win this game just to keep Michigan State’s strength of schedule up. All the better if they can do it with Marcus Mariota having a sub par day. And on a final note, any college that plays 25 miles (a two hour drive in LA) off-campus can suck it.

Alabama at Arkansas
5:00pm
ESPN

Alabama-Fan-Tattoo

The only attractive part of this game is Bret Bielema’s wife and she’s bat shit crazy. Cheer for neither team but hope Alabama loses in a gruesome manner so that everyone is happy and little angels get their wings.

Mississippi at Texas A&M
8pm
ESPN

FLAG

You want Ole’ Miss to lose to ensure playoff chaos and I want them to lose because I’m still bitter about wasting two hours of my life watching The Blindside. Note to aspiring actresses: If you ever want to win an Oscar, simply do your best Julia Roberts as Erin Brockovich impression. It worked for Sandy. Just don’t invite your cheating-with-a-white-supremacist-stripper biker husband to the ceremony. And seriously, fuck any team that can make Texas A&M’s militarized fraternity scene look almost sane and rational.

USC at Arizona
9pm
ESPN2

Screen Shot 2014-10-05 at 11.12.47 AM

The Wildcats are enjoying their best season since 1994 when they were named Sports Illustrated’s preseason number one and a U of A sweater warmed the terrified shoulders of Sandra Bullock in Speed. Cheer for Arizona in this one. For another Wildcats win will add to the suffering of Michigan fans and add to the dysfunctional chaos that is USC’s football program. And not to worry, Zona will have plenty more chances to derail their so far perfect run.

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