What have you heard about who will be the next head coach of the Huskers?

Do you believe Simone, the girl from economics class whose best friend’s sister’s boyfriend’s brother’s girlfriend heard from this guy who knows this kid who’s going with the girl who says she saw Jim Tressel and Scott Frost spoon feeding each other ice cream down at 31 Flavors?

Or, do you believe that Steve Pederson Shawn Eichorst has an entirely different ace up his sleeve? A big fish already on the hook just waiting to be reeled in.

Who really knows?

In the meantime, while the “real media” stakes out airports around the country (can’t trust that damn flight tracker) we break down some strong off the radar options for next head coach of the Huskers.

Coach Danny O’Shea

As the kid brother of Heisman Trophy winner Kevin O’Shea, Danny is a fairly new coach who brings a fresh perspective to the game. If the Huskers lose a lot of recruits in transition, Coach O’Shea has proven himself to be more than capable of assembling a winning team out of whatever young cast-offs may be available and is a great motivator without having to do all that nasty screaming and yelling.

The key areas of concern for Coach O’Shea are that he’s from Ohio (might be best to avoid coaches from that state for a while) and his trusted offensive coordinator may rely on a computer a little too much for the average Nebraskan’s palate. If you thought Tim Beck’s play calls were odd, then you haven’t seen the Annexation of Puerto Rico.

Coach Ed Ainsworth

A candidate from the high school ranks, Coach Ainsworth’s program is based out of Oregon so you know some of that Scott Frost magic has had to have rubbed off on him. And get this, his most recent state championship winning team had a chick at quarterback!  Like, she was born was born that way and not one of those new fangled Gender Identity Disorder types you’d see on Portlandia. Just imagine what he could do with a dude under center. That’s right, his offense is based out of the I-formation!

Coach Jimmy McGinty

If you thought T-Magic was a flake, try corralling Shane Falco. Coach McGinty brings an old-school attitude to the table without the hard-assed demeanor. Aside from being able to coach on short notice, his greatest skill is building a team. Give him a random group of scrubs from around the globe and he’ll turn them into a playoff contender.

Two random bits of Replacements trivia that will make you say whoa: The Replacements was Keanu’s second movie where he plays a former Ohio State quarterback. (If you don’t know the first, there’s no help for you.) And his job scraping barnacles off boats must have inspired Todd Marinovich because he really did that as an odd job.

Coach Venner

You want a coach with out-of-the-box thinking? Coach Venner dissected the rulebook and discovered there’s nothing that says you can’t sign a Yugoslavian (try finding that country on a current map) mule capable of kicking 100 yard field goals.

Following his successful run with the California Atoms, Coach Venner’s career shifted gears and he started managing an apartment building in Santa Monica. He really seems to dig the new gig and the “talent” at Harry’s Wonder Bar might not be strong enough to lure him away from the babes he loves chasing down at his local watering hole The Regal Beagle.

Coach Sam Winters

A proven winner at Eastern State University, Coach Winters’ Timberwolves are coming off an uncharacteristic 3 loss season. Couple those losses with a rash of scandals off the field and you have two big chunks of Husker fan kryptonite. On the upside, this does make the baggage of Jim Tressel’s Tattoo-Gate almost seem adorable.

Coach Harris

As the head coach of the college level Atoms, Coach Harris leads a very strong program though rather curiously, not much film exists of his team in action. He’s a great motivator in the locker room but his I’m-one-of-the-guys-too leadership style may be the catalyst for his team’s penchant for distractions off the field. If Jason Peter somehow ends up on the new Husker staff, he and Coach Harris could stir up trouble like it was the mid 90’s all over again.

Coach Ed Gennero

If a prolonged absence of a head coach turns the Husker football program into a pile of steaming hot garbage, Coach Gennero is just the man to extinguish the dumpster fire. The entire team quits out of loyalty to Bo? Coach Gennero doesn’t care. He’ll get Sinbad to anchor his defensive line and have everyone play ironman football.

He even has the “Jerry Kill factor” where he’s prone to ending up in the hospital on the eve of big games (always a clutch move for motivation). And that unfortunately leads to the biggest drawback of all. As much as Husker fans say they just want to be competitive, there’s no way in hell that Husker Nation would accept a coach who calls success winning ONE game in an entire season.