Big Ten, Huskers

Recap: Badgers Bugger Bug Eaters in Backbreaking Blowout

If Melvin Gordon, eventual Heisman Trophy winning running back of the Wisconsin Badgers, needs a nickname, we suggest calling him “The One Man Gangbang” because he ran a filthy, nasty train on the Huskers.

Gordon jammed the ball down the throats of the Huskers’ defense to the tune of 406 yards, or just 26 feet less than the friggin’ Empire State Building, if you prefer to have your record breaking yardage totals presented in terms of skyscrapers.

Seriously, the Huskers would have had an easier time containing Tecmo Bowl Bo Jackson than Melvin Gordon.

In his Heisman Trophy winning season, Jackson ran for 1,786 yards and averaged 6.6 yards per carry on 278 rushing attempts. After his plowing of the Huskers, Gordon has amassed 1,909 yards on only 223 carries, an average of 8.8 per.

He still has at least three games to go.

Sure, you could try to spin that and say, “Well, the Huskers went up against a special, once-in-a-lifetime player and came out on the wrong side of history. Them’s the breaks.”

Except for the fact that Gordon put up the following numbers in his other games this season-

LOUISIANA STATE – 16 rushes/140 yards/9.0 YPC
WESTERN ILLINOIS – 17 rushes/38 yards/3.0 YPC
BOWLING GREEN – 13 rushes/253 yards/19.5 YPC
SOUTH FLORIDA – 32 rushes/181 yards/5.8 YPC
NORTHWESTERN – 37 rushes/259 yards/9.8 YPC
ILLINOIS – 27 rushes/175 yards/6.6 YPC
MARYLAND – 22 rushes/122 yards/5.6 YPC
RUTGERS – 19 rushes/128 yards/7.1 YPC
PURDUE – 25 rushes/205 yards/8.4 YPC

Then there’s his line against the Huskers-
NEBRASKA – 25 rushes/408 yards/16.4 YPC

Gordon’s record setting night was so brutal to watch in real-time that this nutshot compilation only scratches the surface of the pain the Huskers and their fans endured at Camp Randall Stadium.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QGBhpWXTBYM

It’s one thing to get your ass kicked but an entirely different story to get whupped up on in the same manner as the Huskers in that 52 – 24 pasting. It doesn’t matter if you lose by a single point or four touchdowns, a loss is still a loss but there comes a point when you just gotta ask, WTF is wrong?

Even if the Huskers would have lost by a field goal, the fire Pelini because he can’t win the big ones train would still be chugging along at full steam. That’s a given. The only time the guy ever caught a break with a loss was against Texas in ’09. But still, there comes a point when you gotta wonder why so many of the signature losses involve total woodshed ass kickings where the team and coaching staff just shutdown.

Even a day later, tying to put what transpired into words that aren’t an incoherent mess of all caps swearing is proving rather difficult so we’ll just let the YouTube do the talking for the rest of this recap.

Last night, the Badgers and Melvin Gordon were King Kong Bundy and the Huskers were Little Beaver.

The only difference is Melvin Gordon’s avalanche looked more like this.

Exhibits A and B for putting a better fight than the Huskers:

The Black Knight

http://youtu.be/dhRUe-gz690?t=2m29s

Scratchy

Exhibits A and B for not melting down as bad as the Huskers

Richie Tenenbaum

The Nazis in Raiders of the Lost Ark

Until the Huskers can (hopefully) find some redemption against Minnesota, it’s going to be a long week. Remember, you weren’t on the field. You weren’t calling the plays. You had absolutely nothing to do with the outcome of the game.

It’s not your fault.

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Huskers

Remembering Kenny Bell’s Greatest Hit

How special is Kenny Bell?

Special enough that when his record-setting career at Nebraska ends, he’ll leave behind a legacy as one of the greatest Husker receivers ever. And his greatest moment won’t even be a catch.

IT WILL BE HIS EARTH SHAKING, BONE RATTLING, SOUL CRUSHING, JAW DROPPING, PANTS POOPING BLOCK THAT SENT AN UNSUSPECTING WISCONSIN BADGER INTO A WORLD OF PAIN AND BECAME THE STUFF OF INTERNET LORE.

Poor Devin Smith never stood a chance.

Eventually Devin was able to scrape himself off the turf at Lucas Oil Field and signed with the Pittsburgh Steelers. In a rather ironic twist, he’s currently on their Injured Reserved list.

Earlier this week I reached out to him to see if he was interested in reminiscing about that time he got destroyed by Kenny Bell.

I never heard back but luckily there’s a Plan B.

I have a friend named Devin who was happy to sub-in.

He’s an Oregon grad and was a staff member on their women’s volleyball team. He spent some quality time in Omaha a few years ago during the Final Four. For the record, it was I, not he, who brought up the fact that the Ducks bumped off the Huskers on their own turf.

Devin has never seen Kenny in action so when I pulled up his monster hit, he was watching it for the first time, the very first time.

ME: Here it comes… wait for it.
DEVIN: Oh Fuck!
ME: Pretty impressive, huh?
DEVIN: That might be the biggest hit I’ve ever seen. The only one worse than that might be Reggie Bush. Can we watch it again?

KENNY BELL BLOCK
Devin pinpoints the exact moment, Devin Smith’s soul made a hasty exit from his suddenly limp and lifeless body.

ME: Do you think you could have handled that hit?
DEVIN: No way. As a fellow Devin I really feel his pain.
ME: How was your time in Nebraska?
DEVIN: It was nice. It was cold. Good steaks. Really good steaks.
ME: How long were in you in Omaha?
DEVIN: A week, week and a half or so.
ME: Did you try a Runza?
DEVIN: No… I don’t even know what that is.
ME: Did you go to Taco John’s?
DEVIN: Nope. I went to Chiptole. Nothing really stuck out besides the steaks.
ME: We’re the fans nice?
DEVIN: Surprisingly. Is this interview about the hit or are we just going to talk about Nebraska?
ME: Do you think the hit was legal?
DEVIN: 100%
ME: Even with the score the way it was?
DEVIN: They’re just trying to get back in it, man.
ME: If Kenny Bell had a nickname, what do you think it would be?
DEVIN: Uh, the Bell Ringer?
ME: That’s actually really good. What if I told you it was Afro Thunder?
DEVIN: Even better.
ME: Kenny’s pretty much going to end his career as Nebraska’s best receiver ever. He’s breaking records that were set by a Heisman Trophy winner back in 1971. If his greatest play was this block, what does that say to you?
DEVIN: That he needs to add some more flair to his catches.

We take a timeout and watch this-

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3pOSlkOAZGE

DEVIN: Holy shit! Was that one handed? This dude is incredible.

Yes, yes, he is incredible.

Welcome to the Kenny Bell fan club, Devin.

 

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Big Ten, Huskers

Breaking Badgers: Your Huskers vs Wisconsin Preview

If there was ever a time for the Huskers to summon the ghosts of Big Red past and kick the ever loving shit out of a team, it is now.

Here’s the brutal truth. Five minutes after joining the Big Ten, Husker Nation got scared and has been ever since. There’s no denying it. Even in the rock bottom Bill Callahan years, Husker fans may have felt a lot of dread but they never displayed the outright fear that is so palpable today. You can feel it week in and week out in how all the beat writers craft their stories framing Nebraska as the underdog no matter the game. And you can definitely see it on full display deep in the bowels of Huskermax.

It’s time for the Huskers and their legion of fans to remember who they really are, go kick some ass, and take a few names along the way.

In the immortal words of Ric Flair, to be the man, you gotta beat the man. And this week that man is named Bucky.

This year the Freedom Trophy is at stake for the first time. Fans have been moaning about this being a thinly veiled attempt to manufacture a rivalry. The Huskers and Badgers are going to be squaring off every year for the foreseeable future so why not put a little something at stake? Nebraska fans making the road trip to Madison could do their part  to make help this a memorable rivalry if everyone by celebrated the Huskers’ victory by stealing a porch couch on the way out of town. Imagine the reaction. They beat our football team and stole our shitty couches? Oh, it is on.

Speaking of Madison, for everyone butt hurt about rude Badger fans, three words- grow a pair. My very first football game experience was walking across Nebraska’s former Third City to attend the big Barr vs Walnut showdown as an 80lb seventh grader. If my nerdy 12-year-old self could make it through the junior high version of The Warriors unscathed, there’s no reason fans can’t handle the heckles of some drunken Badgers. If you can’t think of a good comeback, keep “Go eat some cheese” in your back pocket. Yes it’s dumb and yes sounds just like the “Go eat some corn” you’ve heard a million times and that’s just why it might work.

If you’re still not sold on the rivalry here you go.

Reasons to dislike Wisconsin–

1. The Badgers’ turnaround as a college football program was modeled after Nebraska. We won’t even get started on the knock off uniforms.
2. Wisconsin is the only state in the union where your first DUI is a mere traffic violation.
3. All the goddamn mosquitoes.
4. Pabst was sold to the Russians.
5. A carney once ripped me off in Wisconsin Dells.

Confidence: Confidence? I’ve been listening to The Sword in heavy rotation since Tuesday. There’s no way I’m not going to show up to our watch site and eat nachos and yell at the TV like a boss.

With regards to the Huskers, here’s hoping the bye week plunge in the College Football Playoff poll put a chip on their shoulders that will carry them through to the Big Ten Championship Game.

In other words, this needs to be Huskers’ attitude.

(Apologies for the obligatory UHF post but hey, it just came out on Blu-Ray this week!)

Scouting Report: Ooooh… Wisconsin could use a different quarterback from play to play. Big deal. That’s just another QB for Randy Gregory to torment. For him it will be 2 for 1 day at Camp Randall Stadium. Don’t be surprised to see Joel Stave and Tanner McEvoy get in a sideline slap fight over whose turn it is to go in and get creamed.

Macho Man Randy Gregory

Ooooh… Wisconsin has a Heisman contender in running back Melvin Gordon. Come at the Blackshirts, bro. He’ll be a refreshing break from having to deal with Ameer and Imani at practice.

Ooooh… Wisconsin’s offensive and defensive lines are forces to be reckoned with. Tell those thigh rubbers a Groupon for cheese curds just dropped and see how fast they find a way to waddle off the field.

Ooooh… Wisconsin has the Jet Sweep in their playbook. Um, that could pose a problem.

For a detailed breakdown of the Badgers that includes actual statistics, check out Corn Nation.

Ideal Scenario:  Somehow, someway the Huskers get the win and that way is by dominating on both sides of the ball. Over on D, Randy Gregory finally has his Ndamukong Suh Big XII Championship Game with his sacks coming after the Blackshirts shut down the Badger running game.

On the offensive side of things, the Huskers put together a mistake free game and the question about Ameer’s durability never comes up because it doesn’t have to. He runs wild and free for a couple big TD’s but otherwise doesn’t spend too many plays going between the tackles. In a flash of brilliance that impresses even his most passionate haters, Tim Beck keeps the Badger D off balance and guessing by running a lot of plays out of the seldom seen Diamond Formation. Imagine the havoc a backfield of Tommy, Imani, Ameer and De’Mornay could wreak.  Last but not least Kenny Bell finally and deservedly breaks Johnny Rodgers all-time reception record.

Over/Under on Angry Bo Close Ups: 7 – Not gonna lie. This game could get rough and ABC/ESPN will be all over it.

A Question That Needs an Answer: Is Ameer 100%? We. Will. Find. Out.

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College Football, Huskers

Is Tom Osborne Behind the Huskers’ Drop in Playoff Ranking?

After a bye week that saw a major reshuffling of the College Football Playoff deck, the Huskers found themselves on the short end of the stick, falling three spots to number 16 and well out of playoff contention.

College Football Playoff Rankings

Naturally and all too predictably, Husker Nation was outraged by the disrespect shown to the 8-1 Big Red as evidenced by seven two-loss teams being ranked ahead of the Huskers.

From Husker Extra’s Facebook Page –
Angry Husker Fans

These same fans who will talk until they’re blue in the face about how you “need to run to set up the pass” apparently don’t have the foresight to realize that early November rankings don’t mean a thing. The playoff isn’t this Saturday. It’s in January, after the regular season has ended and conference champions have been crowned.

With the exception of the non-conference-championship-game-having pussy ass Big 12, every team ranked ahead of the Huskers has to tip toe through a minefield of a schedule and/or win their conference title before making plans for the playoffs.

Luckily, at least one Husker fan realizes this.
Husker Voice Of Reason

And all this leads to our first ever Big Red Fury Conspiracy Theory.

What’s the better way to motivate someone-  tell them how good they are or how bad they suck?

While it does have its critics with regards to development of emotional intelligence, reverse psychology has been proven to be an effective tactic.

In what field of study did Tom Osborne earn a master’s degree and doctorate?

Tom Osborne’s area of expertise is the field of Educational Psychology. While he could go by Dr. Tom, he prefers to be called Coach, even today.

Which legend who is synonymous with the Nebraska Cornhuskers is on the College Football Playoff Committee?

That would be Tom Osborne.

It’s not that far out of the realm of possibility to think that Bo Pelini could have called in a back alley favor to T.O. requesting his team get knocked down a few pegs ahead of their biggest game of the season.

Or, more likely, T.O. went rogue and decided the best way to help the Huskers is to temporarily hurt them.

Think about it. A win over Wisconsin would have the the Huskers trending upward ahead of a likely showdown with Ohio State for the Big Ten crown and put the winner in a good position for a playoff slot.

If they lose to the Badgers, it’s much less embarrassing and harmful to lose as the 16th ranked team rather than being on the cusp of the top ten and losing to a number 20 team that lost to friggin’ Northwestern.

Coach Osborne knows how to work a room and it wouldn’t take much for him to convince his colleagues that the Huskers might not be all that, especially after a weekend where he could devote more time to watching all other teams since the Huskers weren’t playing.

If the Huskers win on Saturday, don’t be surprised to see them inside the top 10 this time next week.

College football is a fickle mistress.

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Big Ten, Huskers

A Wisconsin Horror Story

This is a story about the time Nebraska played Wisconsin for the Big Ten Championship.

It’s a night Husker Nation would love to forget but the gruesome events that transpired on December 1, 2012 will be forever seared into the collective psyche of the unfortunate souls who witnessed the massacre at Lucas Oil Field.

While I was lucky enough to not see a single second of the game live, I felt nearly every Badger gut punch in real-time.

On that fateful night, two of my favorite things collided. It was a classic case of the unstoppable force vs the immovable object. In one corner you had the Huskers’ showdown with Wisconsin and in the other, my biggest cyclocross race of the 2012 campaign. It was getting late in the season and I was locked in a vicious battle for a mediocre ranking in a mediocre division. It was a race I couldn’t afford to skip. (Full disclosure: amateur bicycle racing has about as much at stake as a slow pitch softball league.)

My race started at 5:15, the same time as kickoff. With a little luck, I could make it to the watch site in time for the second half. The only snag in the plan was the weather. It was as bad as it could get for Los Angeles in December, low 50’s and rain flying in all directions. Thanks to a couple of ill-timed crashes late in the race, I plummeted out of a spot comfortably in the top ten and crossed the finish line in a battered 21st place, soaking wet and covered in mud from head to toe. For the record, it was a very hard fought 21st place. I didn’t quit and kept racing to the end.

As soon as I recombulated myself, I made a beeline to the car and dug out my phone to get an update on the game.

36 new texts were waiting for me. Immediately, my mind start racing about I how could possibly fill all the requests for Rose Bowl couch space without ending up divorced.

Then I started reading the messages.

They started out hopeful. Some Huskers! and GBRs! around kick off. My brother sent me a pic from his seats at the game. An enterprising buddy who knew of my personal crisis recorded T-Magic’s ridiculous touchdown run off his TV and sent me the video.

He closed his message by saying “It’s still early. Hope the Huskers can make a comeback.”

Wait, what? Taylor’s run made the score 14 – 7. The Huskers were only down a TD. So what. They’ve come back from much worse.

Then I checked the current score. 35 – 10 Wisconsin.

If the Huskers could get to 17 by the half, a victory for the Big Red would not be out of the picture. By the time I finished my comeback calculations, they staggered off the field down 42 – 10.

I was so stunned I didn’t know what to do. I was all packed up and ready to go watch the game but I wasn’t about to schlep over Hollywood just to be the muddy faced weirdo who randomly showed up for the second half.

In a daze, I walked back over to our team’s area on the race course. There would be beer there. I was greeted by a teammate who went to CU and was in the stands for the Huskers meltdown in 2001. “I saw the score. Sorry man. I don’t even know what to say. It’s just brutal.”

We then hugged it out as only people who understand the misery of college football can do.

Texts continued to pour in. Even friends who couldn’t pick a Husker uniform out of a police line up were checking on my well being.

We’re at a bar and saw some scores on the TV. Nebraska’s your team, right? Hope you’re OK. If you need anything give us a call. We’re here for you.

Hey dude. Holla back so I know you’re still with us. Suicide is never a good option.

Stay strong buddy. It’s only a game.

Sorry about the Huskers. Do you have any connections for Rose Bowl tickets?

What happened to the Huskers? Sorry we keep racking up the score. Not.

 That’s what revenge is all about!

Do you have any room at your place if we come out for the Rose Bowl? We promise we won’t wear any Badger gear in the house.

As luck would have it, half my family hails from Wisconsin. Most are UW alums and all are avid sports fans. Packers, Brewers,  and the Badgers and apparently not just for basketball.

I never heard a peep out of any of them about Badger football until Nebraska first met Wisconsin as a member of the Big Ten. Once they blew out the Huskers on their home field, the floodgates opened. Seriously, they could teach a class on Reddit about how to troll for maximum effect.

When Nebraska returned the favor the following year, I took the TO high road and didn’t say a word and neither did they. Unfortunately, their silence just meant they were working on material for the championship game.

It got so bad I turned my phone off midway through the third quarter and didn’t turn it back on until sometime Sunday afternoon.

A text from my brother was waiting for me. It was short. Simple. And to the point.

Dude. I was so depressed I went back to the hotel and ate a $60 steak with my bare hands.

And fuck those cheeseheads!

Can’t wait to see how Saturday plays out.

GBR.

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College Football

Bye Week: Basking in the Doom and Gloom of Other Fans

You know what’s awesome?

I just did a Google Image search for sad Michigan State fans and the Google machine spit back of a treasure trove of sad Michigan fans. Apparently, sad Michigan State fans are nowhere to be found on the internet.

This photo though is priceless.

ku-bigpic-560x546
Was this poor Wolverine’s left eye already bloody or has the pepper spray caused him to cry tears of blood?

With the Huskers enjoying an unprecedented second bye week, today is a great day to sit back, relax and enjoy watching other fans’ seasons come to a screeching and catastrophic halt.

With  our local Husker watch site also being home to an Ohio State alumni group, I’m very tempted to go watch their big showdown with the Spartans just so I can watch a dear Ohio friend possibly have a meltdown. I know it’s not exactly “classy,” but you can rest easy knowing she’d do the same for me.

While Los Angeles is far, far away from being a college football town, all of us idiots who moved here have helped turn every sports bar into a United Nations of college football. Walk into any place on a Saturday afternoon and you’ll see groups of fans from at least a dozen different schools huddled around their respective TVs. It really makes for a great scene.

And like Survivor, unexpected allegiances will form.

When Michigan lost their season opener Appalachian State at home way back in 2007, everyone in the bar who wasn’t maize and blue stopped what they were doing to watch Michigan’s last second field goal attempt get blocked.

Never has there been such joy in the anguish of others.

Then again, 2007 was such a dark time for Husker Nation that fans actually stopped watching games in public. On that day against Nevada, there were exactly four of us in red squinting at a 12 inch TV bolted to the ceiling at an bad angle. When your team is Bill Callahan bad, you get banished to the little TV.

By 2009, our in-public attendance had improved but we were still dwarfed by the highly organized LA chapter of the Texas Exes during the Mack wants another second put back on the clock game. Our numbers were bolstered late in the game by Alabama fans who stayed around after their game ended just to help root against fucking Texas.

The all-time best though was the Huskers’ comeback against Wisconsin in 2012. Early in the second half, a dozen or so Ohio State fans sauntered upstairs to our “private” room at our watch site. Without even acknowledging the odd looks they were getting, they grabbed seats wherever they could. A trio sat down at our table and promptly ordered shots of Fireball Whiskey for the table.

“Hi, we’re here to cheer for you guys just so you’ll be ranked higher when we beat you next week. ”

And that was that. For the rest of the game, they cheered on Huskers and marveled at the “Go Big Red” chant.

To their drunken ears, it sounded like Sloth yelling “Heeeey Yooouuu Guuuys” which is exactly what they shouted when a Go Big Red faded out.

Gotta love college football.

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Huskers

Dirk Chatelain: Man of Mystery

Omaha World-Herald staff writer Dirk Chatelain is like a puzzle wrapped in an enigma.

In his latest Mad Chatter column, in which he ponders Nebraska’s glorious home slate had they stayed in the Big 12 with West Virgina’s schedule, he dropped a nugget of info in the lead sentence that continues to confound us days later.

Here’s his opening:

Saturday night I’m walking to my car at 21st and R Streets (a long way from Memorial Stadium) when I got to thinking about Nebraska football’s sad relationship with the Big Ten.

Living in Los Angeles, parking will ingrain itself as a major obsession whether you want it to or not. You just can’t help it. So when Omaha World-Herald Staff Writer Dirk Chatelain mentioned he parked all the way down at 21st and R, that got our wheels spinning more than the BS hypothetical situations he was spewing out.

Doesn’t the Omaha World-Herald spring for parking at least in the same ZIP code as Memorial Stadium? You’d think all the web traffic Omaha World-Herald staff writer Dirk Chatelain drives could translate into a few perks.

Doesn’t the Husker sports information department provide parking passes for beloved media juggernauts like Omaha World-Herald staff writer Dirk Chatelain?

If the Husker sports information department doesn’t dole out parking passes, surely they could provide a shuttle service so that Omaha World-Herald staff writer Dirk Chatelain doesn’t have to walk halfway back to Omaha to get his car, right?

Why didn’t Omaha World-Herald staff writer Dirk Chatelain simply hail an Uber? By the time he wrapped up his post-game duties, surge pricing would be over meaning his ride would be $5 – 7 at most. And when you factor in not having to pay for a prime parking spot near the stadium, you could even end up saving money with an Uber. But why does that even matter because Omaha World-Herald staff writer Dirk Chatelain has a legit expense account, right?

Even if he didn’t want to spend the money, why didn’t Omaha World-Herald staff writer Dirk Chatelain pull an Ochocinco and harness the power of his 14,000+ Twtter followers for a ride? One can only imagine the mad rush to pick him up would play out like a fan-made Fast and Furious movie. Who in their right mind wouldn’t burn a little rubber and run a few stop signs for the chance to do Omaha World-Herald staff writer Dirk Chatelain a favor on a Saturday night?

But what exactly is around 21st and R streets anyway?
WHERE DIRK PARKS
A look at the Google tells shows us that the intersection of 21st & R doesn’t technically exist.

That means Omaha World-Herald staff writer Dirk Chatelain was either being very general with his description or he was being precise and he actually parks in a field far, far away from the stadium for the same reason Patrick Swayze drove a beater in Road House.

Or… a third option… Omaha World-Herald staff writer Dirk Chatelain was cunningly feeding the trolls and haters by fibbing all along and doesn’t actually park at 21st and R.

As someone who incited the rage of East Campus for a solid two out of five years during my time at Husker U, I know all too well that motivated angry people will stop at nothing to find you to “have a few words” in real life and can be easily fooled.

Much like Omaha World-Herald staff writer Dirk Chatelain name checking his 21st and R parking spot, I once mentioned in print that I loved starting each morning with a spirited run around the state capitol. I can’t remember why I even said I was a avid morning runner but it was a statement that was full of crap.

A week later, a friend who had a class on East Campus called. She was equal parts mortified and amused. Apparently a couple of farmer types in her class were complaining to each other that I was nowhere to be found on the sidewalks ringing the Penis of the Plains.

In other words, they were running a stakeout to find me. Knowing full well how much I was disliked, a vigorous bull dogging would have been the least to expect.

So well played with your fictitious parking spot, Omaha World-Herald staff writer Dirk Chatlain. Well played.

Here’s hoping you do a drive-by after the Minnesota game and snag a photo of your most loyal readers milling about in a vacant lot with axe handles and lead pipes.

 

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Big Ten, Huskers

Recap: A Steaming Pile of Purdue-doo

Let’s count the ways things did not go the Huskers’ way against Purdue-

Ameer gets taken out of the game (and possibly longer?) after he gets crushed by his own lineman trying to recover a botched snap on 4th and goal from the Purdue one yard-line.

(Feel free to count snap issues and goal line inefficiency as individual problems if you are so inclined.)

Roommates Tommy Armstrong and Jordan Westerkamp were on the wrong page to the tune of two interceptions.

A Blackshirt  interception turned fumble essentially gave Purdue eight downs from inside the Huskers’ 30 yard-line.

True freshman kicker Drew Brown missed his third field goal in four attempts.

Now let’s count the ways things went right-

After all the offensive, offensive miscues, pulled boners, and Tim Beck over-thinking, the Huskers still won handily.

The Blackshirts held Purdue to 14 points the same total the Boilermakers notched against Notre Dame. Don’t forget they hung 31 points on Michigan State.

Two blocked punts.

Bo Pelini got a sideline penalty and it wasn’t due to taking a swing at an official!

When a 21 point victory over Purdue can feel like a loss to Iowa State, you gotta take a step back and admit that’s a good problem to have when moving into November with an 8 – 1 record.

As frustrating as the game was to listen to (for the record, I still haven’t watched a single highlight), it’s hard to get that upset.

Nine games into the season, we still haven’t seen this edition of the Huskers at their best and we certainly haven’t seen them at their worst. The pendulum has swung in both directions all year long without reaching one extreme or the other. If you think they reached a new low against Purdue, congrats on having a very short memory.

Will playing above average with spurts of greatness and stupidity be enough to beat Wisconsin in Madison? Who knows?

November is shaping up to be an entertaining month so sit back and try to enjoy the ride as best you can. There aren’t many teams that can claim to have an equal chance at making the playoff as making the Meineke Car Care Fight Hunger with Pepperoni Pizza Bowl.

**On a completey unrelated note, the Purdue game was the first time I listened to a Huskers’ radio broadcast from pre-game to post-game in its entirety since Ball State was a missed field goal away from an upset in Lincoln.

Video streaming didn’t work so well out in the middle of nowhere but Greg Sharpe and Matt Davison came through crystal clear. (The only trick is using the TuneIn Radio app rather than the unfortunately unreliable official Huskers app.)

FullSizeRender
This was our view during the game.

Greg and Matt really make a great team. Greg deftly rides a fine line between the legendary Kent Pavelka’s I’m-about-to-have-an-aneuyrsm  level of enthusiasm and professional polish, balanced out by Matt’s nuanced observation and appropriate level of dread when needed.

If you’re ever in the mood to kick it like it’s the 20th century, give those guys a listen sometime.

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Big Ten, Huskers

Purdue Or Do Not. There Is No Try.

For the second consecutive year, we’re going to be away from the comforting bosom of our neighborhood watch site on Purdue weekend.

In 2013, the Huskers traveled to West Lafayette and rolled an 1 – 11 Boilermaker team 44 – 7 in a game that was decided well before halftime. It was a great, stress free Saturday, especially the part where I was able to venture out of the tiny bubble of free hotel lobby WiFi and spend the rest of the afternoon lounging on the beach.

This year we’ll be in nestled in the mountains in the new age hippie paradise of Ojai (with a requisite side trip to the nearby premium outlet mall).

In a season where the Huskers have been rolling, the Boilermakers come to Lincoln with a semblance of momentum and the proverbial elephant in the proverbial room looming larger than ever.

That elephant would be the Huskers’ seemingly annual crapping of the bed against a lousy team. With that in mind, Purdue’s visit suddenly adds suspense and anxiety to the mix. It’s like Husker Nation is one big traumatized family on pins and needles when they realize it’s been far too long since dad has come home piss drunk. A Husker meltdown is imminent. It has to be.

Or does it?

Confidence: Like any woman who has ever thought she could change her man,  the Huskers are wearing their new look and attitude well but have the potential to regress back to their old losing habits in a heartbeat. (Then again, that could be the years of psychological damage talking.) If Nebraska can get through this one with a W, they just might have turned a corner for both the season and the program.

Scouting Report: Purdue, the Indiana university that is neither Indiana or Notre Dame, is located in Tippecanoe County. Tippecanoe, as we all know, translates to “place of the succor fish people.” In our hearts, the Boilermakers will always hold a special place for ensuring Kansas State’s dream season of ’98 had a nightmare ending.

KYLE ORTON PURDUEIn Unbeaten: The Life of Brook Berringer, distinguished Purdue alum Kyle Orton explained how he wore number 18 as a tribute to Brook. It’s amazing how one little anecdote can instantly make a guy unhateable.

More seriously though, Purdue is a 3 – 5 team the Huskers can’t treat lightly. A week after Nebraska manhandled Illinois, the Boilermakers bumped off the Illini 38 – 27. They followed that up by playing Michigan State to within a touchdown until Boilermaker QB Austin Appleby threw a game sealing pick six with 1:29 to go.

The pessimist could look at that and conclude that the Spartans aren’t that good and Purdue is better than Nebraska. We’ll go out on that fragile limb of optimism and say Michigan State played poorly because they were still rattled from their oh-so-near miss against the Huskers the week before.

Long story short, Purdue is finally starting to click. Check out Hail Varsity for all the stats to back up that statement. Then again, they’ve also lost to Central Michigan, Notre Dame, Iowa, and Minnesota.

Ideal Scenario: The Huskers cruise into their bye week ahead of their big showdown with Wisconsin. Ameer, Kenny, Tommy and Randy all do their Ameer, Kenny, Tommy and Randy things. I don’t resort to hiding from my wife by holing up in a premium outlet bathroom stall and faking the worst dump of my life just so I can watch a too-close-for-comfort game in relative peace and agony.

Over/Under on Angry Bo Close Ups: 5 — Don’t expect the ABC/ESPN/SEC Network faction to cut him any slack, especially with Ed Cunningham in the broadcast booth.

A Question That Needs an Answer: Will Imani Cross ever score again? He hasn’t notched a touchdown since the Illinois game a month ago.

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Huskers

Halloween Huskers

With the Huskers busy trying to decide if tight end is a position that  needs to be part of the Red Storm, we took the liberty of coming up with Halloween costume ideas for players and coaches.

Bo Pelini as James Bond

Bo Pelini James Bond
Pelini. Bo Pelini. Maybe it’s their similar haircut and head shape but we’ve always thought Bo could make a good Danial Craig James Bond. We sincerely believe that. This is not an attempt to try and suck up to Bo. Nope. No way.

Kenny Bell as Irwin Maurice Fletcher

Kenny Bell Fletch
Fletch was listed at 6’9″ with his afro so Kenny gives up a little height but his speed would make him a terror around the perimeter. All we ask is that he doesn’t put his Halloween bar tab on the Underhill account. It’s way too late in the season and his career for an NCAA violation.
*Random sad but true story: When I first saw Fletch as a kid, I really thought he played on the Lakers.

Ron Brown as Morpheus

Ron Brown Morpheus
“I’m trying to free your mind, Neo. But I can only show you the door. You’re the one who must walk though it and accept Jesus in your heart.”

Jordan Westerkamp as Bo “Bandit” Darville

Jordan Westerkam Burt Reynolds
Jordan already has the ‘stache. He just needs a cowboy hat and a bad ass 1977 Pontiac Trans Am.

John Papuchis as Igor

John Papuchis vs IgorLike Frankenstein’s monster, this pick is a no-brainer and one that we’ve covered before.

Randy Gregory as Charles Jefferson

Randy Gregory Jefferson
We’re gonna go out on a limb and assume that Randy has never seen Fast Times at Ridgemont High. We’ll also go out on a limb and assume that he’d enjoy going trick-or-treating as the most badass football player in movie history. The game footage between the Ridgemont Wolves and Lincoln High may be horribly dated but we’re pleased to report that the PHOEBE CATES BIKINI SCENE looks as good as ever.

Barney Cotton as Major John D. “Mac” McGillis

Barney Cotton Major Dad
As the sire of three Huskers, it’s safe to say Coach Cotton is a major dad so it’s only fitting he dress as one. Maybe once in costume, he’d get into the character and yell at himself for a while. Or has being perpetually mad at Barney stopped being a thing?

Jake Cotton as Leatherface

Jake Cotton LeatherfaceHe’s got the same vacant expression and hair. All Jake needs is to shop for a chainsaw on sites like thetoolboss.com and he’s good to go as long as he remembers that Halloween is on the 31st. Because going trick-or-treating on the 30th would be a false start.

Ameer Abdullah as Carlton Banks

Ameer Abdullah Carlton
We know Ameer’s got all the right moves on the field but can they fly in stuffy Bel-Air? How meta would it be if Ameer did his own tribute to the Carlton  on Dancing With The Stars 10 – 15 years from now?

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