All Your Clichés Belong To Us: Predicting Husker Loss Reaction

June 13, 2015 Todd Munson

As June creeps towards July, the dog days of the Husker off-season are upon us.

If you haven’t been swayed by summer and all her lovely distractions, you may have noticed the full-time Husker media has been chiseling away at the bottom of the Husker news barrel since just after Memorial Day. They have an unbelievable amount of air-time and column inches to fill and somehow, they’re making it work.

I imagine they all gather for regular meetings in Tom Shatel’s basement to discuss their story ideas for an upcoming week and draw their daily topics of discussion from a well worn bingo ball tumbler that was a solid find at a church garage sometime during the Solich era.

How else can you explain the magic that no talk radio show or writer ever covers the exact same topic on the same day?

One area that has yet to become a topic of open discussion is the elephant in the room that is Husker Nation.

What will be the reaction if a Mike Riley led Husker team ever loses?

Please note: I said if. Not when.

I am by no means advocating for a Husker loss.

But I do know that during slow periods, it’s standard practice for news outlets to write obituaries in advance so that when a person famous enough to warrant a pre-written obituary kicks the bucket, they can have one ready to go with minimal updates.

With any Husker loss feeling like a death in the family, I’d bet a stack of Runzas there at least a couple sportswriters who’ve been outlining what they’re going to write following the first loss of the Mike Riley era- should one ever occur, of course.

With that in mind, we’re going to make some bold predictions, aka hot takes, on what might be said following such a tragic event.

Mike Riley, asking which way to run out of Lincoln. (Just in case.)

If Mike Riley’s Huskers ever suffer a loss, we’ll come back to this and see how we did on our cliché predictions:

“Well, the honeymoon is over. Like any marriage, this day was inevitable. The first test between Mike Riley and the state of Nebraska is upon us.”
– First writer to file their post game analysis gets dibs on the most obvious lede ever.

“The life of Riley just got a lot harder.” – The second most obvious lede.

“The Mike Riley era began with a humbling loss in front of a nationwide television audience but when the final whistle blew, the Huskers and their new coach were not the laughing stock of the country unlike season’s past.” – On the off-chance BYU opens their season with a win in Lincoln.

“This defeat doesn’t sting or humble any less than the others but Husker Nation can show some pride in knowing this setback was taken on the chin with dignity and class, elements missing from the Husker sideline for far too long.” – Losing with class will be a major theme. (If a loss ever happens.)

“Sorry, Coach Riley. This is where Nebraska nice gives way to Nebraska expectations.” – This one is right in Dirk Chatelain’s wheelhouse.

“Those shallow wrinkles on the 62-year-old coach’s boyish face are about to become etched a whole lot deeper.” – Again, this one is all Dirk.

“Coach Riley is going to start looking his age real quick.”
– The over/under on sportswriters using this one is 5.

“Gone are the jaunts down to the Haymarket for a happy hour beer and a photo or two with the fans.” – Sipple. Naturally.

“It was a loss that will give Riley’s coaching staff dream team nightmares for days to come.” – This one better not happen. The Justice League of America is not as well assembled as Riley’s crew.

“After today’s humbling defeat, there’s no way the happy go lucky coach could ever be brave enough to bum a ride home from a fan.” – Not to worry, Coach. The code uberBigRedFury will get you a free ride from Uber. (This deal also applies to you, dear readers.)

“The trio of coaches who failed to escape the long shadow cast by Tom Osborne’s 25 year legacy has now become a quartet.”
– Sam McKewon, Omaha World-Herald.

The Nirvana of coaches who failed to escape the long shadow cast by Tom Osborne’s 25 year legacy has found their Pat Smear in Coach Riley. – Sam McKewon, back in his Nebraska State Paper Days.

“When the consistent mediocrity of a 9 win season, suddenly becomes a pie in the sky dream…” – Worst case scenario if the Huskers lose more than once.

“No matter which way you slice it, losing with class is still losing.”
– An average member of Huskermax.

“Maybe he should have kept paying by the night at the Embassy Suites.”
– A below average member of Huskermax.

“If you take I-80 west for 140 miles or so, you’ll be able to pick up the Oregon Trail and follow that home.” – A Huskermax member who thinks the coaches actually turn the forums for advice.

“The special, allergen-free paint in the home the Riley’s spent so much time searching for is barely dry and it may already be time to put it back on the market.” – Nobody better say this one. I feel bad for even thinking it.

Bo Pelini, Huskers

How Many Potato Olés Does $6.54 Million Buy?

May 18, 2015 Todd Munson

When you move away from Nebraska, either by choice or by lynch mob, there will be things you miss.

Topping my list are Potato Olés, those golden discs of deliciousness from your good buddy and mine, Taco John.

After the news broke about how much loot Bo Pelini would be officially raking in to not coach the Huskers, my mind did not race towards the inevitable figures of what $6.54 million breaks down to in terms of a monthly, daily, hourly, or even by-the-minute salary.

Nope, I had a larger figure to fry.

Specifically, how many Potato Olés could Pelini purchase with his $6.54 million don’t-let-the-door-hit-you-on-the-way-out parting gift?

Would it be enough that Bo could be like Scrooge McDuck swimming in money?

Finding this magically delicious number was going to be a challenge on two fronts.

1. The closest Taco John’s to Los Angeles is in Reno, NV. This is the Deep Space Nine outpost of the Taco John’s empire. Even though it’s closer to me than all the others, a 1,000 mile round trip journey was going to be a bit much.

2. The alternative would be to simply call a Taco John’s. My fair hometown of Grand Island proudly boasts three locations, one of which has a phone number published online. I opted out of this option because I couldn’t think of anyone that would chap angst-ridden teenage fry cook’s hide more than some moron calling out the blue to bother him about Potatoe Olés.

Luckily, Facebook, aka the the lazy journalist’s best friend, came to the rescue.

A short while later, the answer was found, thanks to my good buddy Joshua. He even included a photo of himself and Bo for extra credit.

OK, so what we’re working with.

Large Potato Olés = $2.59 (We’ll assume Taco John gave Pelini a quantity discount and covered the tax.)

Large Potato Olés = 46 Olés (That’s the number Joshua got so we’re running with it as the average.)

$6,540,000 / 2.59 = 2,525,095.56 large orders of Potato Olés. (We’ll go ahead and round that up.)

2,525,096 x 46 = 116,154,416 Potato Olés. (That’s 2,171,582,560 calories according to Taco John’s official nutritional information.)

Now to take things up a notch, let’s assume Potato Olés have an average height of a quarter inch when laid flat.

116,154,416 / 4 = a stack of Potato Olés 29,038,604 inches high.

29,038,604 / 12 = a stack of Potato Olés 2,419,883.67 feet high.

2,419,883.67 / 5280 = a stack of Potato Olés 458.311 miles high.

In other words, we’re talking pile of Potato Olés roughly the size of Chimney Rock.

(This illustration is NOT to scale but you get the idea.)

College Football, Huskers, Mike Riley

Nebraska: Where there is no off-season

May 12, 2015 Todd Munson

Hey there. Remember us?

Yes, us. Big Red Fury, that Nebraska Cornhusker site that fell off the radar on the eve of the of the most important Spring Game in nearly a decade.

Well, there’s not much to say other than we got busy and by ‘we’ that is the proverbial royal we as this place is mostly a one-man operation but that is soon changing. We’re about to become a multi-person operation.

The last time we checked-in, Mike Riley was about to do his first Tunnel Walk and we were about to head out to scenic West Covina (aka the hometown of Lawrence Phillips) to play in the annual Dodger Blogger Softball Tournament.

Luckily for those of us on team Sons of Steve Garvey, we had a two game bye when Jon Soo Hoo, the Dodgers’ Team Photographer, was on-scene so our “athletic” exploits weren’t documented for posterity but we did succeed in having the drunkest team photo.

Anyway, we rolled our way to the semis which was no small achievement for us. Plus, we had our own team photographer to capture us at our best.

Your humble author, holding down the hot corner. Photo: Scott Killeen

The whole reason for bringing this up is that one of our female ringers on our team ended up being from Columbus. Once we discovered our Nebraska connection, that thing happened when you put two Nebraskans together and they instantly start speaking their own language.

“Runza!”

“Dorothy Lynch!”

“Potato Oles!”

“Dannebrog!”

We had a great Nebraska bro-down and it made the anguish of missing the Spring Game a little more bearable though it did get a little stressful checking Twitter between pitches. Depending on the source, players were either crushing it or forgetting how to play football or were already filling out their transfer paperwork on the sideline. Oh how the rumors swirl when you’re the last quarterback to take the field. (Looking at you, Johnny Stanton.)

By the time it was over, Tommy is still the man, there’s going to be a logjam for the backup spot, DPE will go HAM next season, Imani might not be the featured back, and if the defense can get any linebackers on the roster, things might be OK for the Blackshirts.

Then good ol’ Lawrence Phillips (TODAY is his birthday, btw) popped up in the news for being suspected of murdering his cellmate at Kern Valley State Prison. Apparently it’s not sounding like the most difficult case to prove. Two guys are locked in a cell, one guy ends up strangled.

Look, I’ve had some annoying roommates in my day and I know I’ve also been that annoying roommate but stone cold murdering one of them wasn’t exactly high on the list of options much the same as I hope I was never a potential “murderee.”

Ever since we shared our bizarre Lawrence Phillips story, I’ve kicked (OK, maybe not the best word) around the idea of reaching out to the guy to see how he’s been doing after being locked up for a half decade. Has there been any remorse? Is he working on his GED? Is he trying to mentor any short-timers?

Clearly that was not the case and for a guy who was on target to be released at the spry age of 57, tacking on a murder charge isn’t exactly the best move.

In better news though, Randy, Kenny and Ameer all got drafted by the NFL. Here’s hoping they all have long and illustrious careers.

If Randy Gregory can make it through camp, look for Macho Man Randy Sackage be snapping into some quarterbacks this Fall.

Then how about that Coach Who Shall Not Be Named 2.0? Dude is will be getting paid $128,009 a month for the next four years to not coach the Huskers. While a crappy lottery ticket every month sounds like a lot of money, believe it or not he’s actually saving Nebraska $1.4 million thanks to landing on his feet back home in Youngstown.

And finally, we’re thrilled to announce that Haley Archer, aka the Harchinator, is joining Big Red Fury as our first-ever student contributor. Hayley is a Broadcasting student from Minneapolis who made the very wise decision of defecting to Husker Nation. Sorry, Gopher-land. She’s one of us now.

College Football, Huskers, Mike Riley

22 Red Hot Nebraska Spring Game Predictions

April 10, 2015 Todd Munson

Where does the time go? Seems like just yesterday that Coach Who Shall Not Be Named 2.0 was dropping C-Bombs on a secret recording and now it’s already the first Spring Game of the Mike Riley era.

Just because I’m going to be a bad Husker fan and skip out on the Spring Game in favor of playing for Team Sons of Steve Garvey in the annual Dodger Blogger Softball Tournament doesn’t mean I can’t make some bold, bold Spring Game predictions.

If you’re reading from a mobile device, put on an oven mitt before scrolling because these are some hot takes.

1. Tommy Armstrong will complete some passes.

2. Tommy Armstrong will not complete some passes.

3. Quarterbacks AJ Bush, Johnny Stanton and Zack Darlington will all flash enough skill to give your annoying friend enough ammo to claim that Armstrong won’t be the starter in 2015.

4. Meanwhile, quarterback Ryker Fyfe will pop up just long enough to make you remember that he’s still on the team. Then again, this could be Ryker’s last stand once Maliek gets turned loose.

5. Five QBs will lead to message board rumblings that one or more will transfer.

6. It will be a record breaking day for the number of fans cheering for a Mike Riley lead team. Riley’s biggest home stadium was San Diego’s Qualcomm Stadium with a capacity of 70,561. More than 65,000 tickets have already been sold for the Spring Game. Even if there isn’t a single walk up, a record will still be set because those 65,000 fans are all cheering for the same team. One of the perks of the Spring Game- no pesky visiting fans.

Now the question is, will the record 80,149 fans that attended Coach Who Shall Not Be Named 2.0’s first Spring Game be topped?

Even if Coach Riley isn’t quite old enough to need Depends, we heartily suggest that he straps-on a set and buckles ’em up tight. That first Tunnel Walk will be a doozy.

7. A sportswriter will say the sky’s the limit for the revamped Huskers in 2015.

8. A sportswriter will say the sky is falling and the revamped Huskers are doomed in 2015.

9. If strength and conditioning coach Mark Phillip hosts a halftime arm rasslin’ contest, he will win.

New rule: Any time Mark Philip is spotted in Lincoln you must yell “This is Sparta!” Then run away as fast as you can.

10. De’Mornay Pierson-El will do something awesome.

11. The Blackshirts will throw the bones like the days of yore.

12. However, too much bone throwing will cause people to fret that the offensive line has some leaky pipes. So please, Huskers, try to find a happy balance and not kick your own asses too bad.

13. Imani Cross will break off a beastly run that will remind everyone that it’s his turn to be in the spotlight.

14. The first offensive play will be a run through the tackles and have the QB under center.

15. The second play from scrimmage will be a COMPLETED deep ball.

16. At least one coach will take the reins of Der Viener Schlinger.

17. A blue hair’s “Sit down. We can’t see through you.” will be in mid-season form.

18. The newly installed jet sweeps will send fans into Wisconsin induced PTSD panic attacks.

19. While it may not run like a well-oiled machine all of the time, the new, “boring” offense will not make anyone miss that guy at Ohio State.

20. Some Huskers will win.

21. Some Huskers will lose.

22. Following the game, all of the coaches will gush about how they’ve never experienced anything quite like a Husker game day before remembering the Spring Game was just a warm up for the real thing. Then they’ll hunker down and really get to work.

Inheriting a program as hallowed as the Huskers is something that doesn’t come around often.

GBR!

College Football, Huskers

We’re Hiring a Student Contributor

March 28, 2015 Todd Munson 1 Comment

Do you sit in the Boneyard?

Do you write good?

Are you suddenly confused by that last question?

Good. You just might have what it takes to join the Big Red Fury team. We’re upgrading and hiring a student contributor for the 2015 season.

In addition to a paid position as a writer for a Husker site that’s simultaneously mind boggling and brilliant, you’ll get a solid stack of great writing samples (if being a writer is your thing) and a legit reference from us when it comes time for you to leave the cozy womb of college and enter the real world. (By all means, stay in school as long as you can.)

WHO WE ARE LOOKING FOR: A UNL student who has a passion for writing, the Huskers, sits in the Boneyard (important because your column will be called View from the Boneyard) and never misses a home game.

If you have to miss one because an inconsiderate friend or relative chose to have a wedding on game day, you have our permission to attend. You’ll just have to do a write up on the anguish of missing a game.

This position is open to any grade level and major. If you’re an eager freshman to-be and you think you’ve got the chops, go for it.

Do one of you want to come work for us?

TO APPLY: Send an introductory email to –

bigredfury603(at)gmail(dot)com

– telling us about yourself (doesn’t have to be a formalized cover letter) and include the following three items:

1) A sample post: A recap of your favorite game last season or go to the Spring Game and do a write up of your experience.

Your recap should put readers in your shoes and give a feel for what it’s like to be in the Boneyard. Shoot for 500 – 800 words (no penalty for going over). Don’t worry about including photos with your submission but feel free to include any if you like. Recaps during the season should include photos and/or video.

You can check out examples our game write ups here and here. As you’ll see, they are a mix of humor and analysis.

Humor: If we had to describe our style, we’d call it semi-sophisticated potty humor. Deadspin, Grantland, and A.V. Club are some of our favorite websites. F-bombs, S-bombs, etc, should be used sparingly for maximum effect. Strive for PG-13, not R. Slang you’d find in the Urban Dictionary, witty pop culture references, and YouTube videos are always welcome.

Analysis: This is not a site readers turn to for a serious X’s and O’s breakdown but right-on if that’s your wheelhouse. Your analysis should be your description of what you saw. That could mean a breakdown like this or this or this.

2) Links to your public social media profiles: Twitter, Instagram, Vine, Facebook. We’re old so that means we don’t understand that Chatsnap. If your profiles are private, that’s totally cool. We just want to get a feel for who you are and what you’re in to.

We’re looking for writing talent, not an influencer. However, you will be expected to share your work socially and we’ll be promoting you as a featured contributor.

3) Explain the significance of 603 in our email address: Bonus points if you get it right.

STIPEND: $25 per game recap, paid via PayPal upon publication plus an end-of-season bonus based on any potential ad revenue the site generates. (We have absolutely no idea what that could be.) Your deadline will be midnight (Lincoln time) the Sunday following the game so that your piece can run on Monday. For you anal retentive types that means Sunday night, not Saturday-just-turned-to-Sunday at the stroke of midnight.

Please keep in mind that the person who wrote what you just read has been working as a writer in one capacity or another since starting out at the Daily Nebraskan way, way back in 1997 and is a Jedi Master when it comes to laziness and creative excuses and has never missed a deadline. In other words, don’t be a flake.

Deadline to apply is May 1, 2015.

QUESTIONS?

Email us: bigredfury603(at)gmail(dot)com

Huskers

Taylor Martinez And Johnny Utah, Two Star-Crossed QBs

March 13, 2015 Todd Munson

While Point Break may not be the most nuanced film in the world, I’m not ashamed to say it took an 87th viewing to have the sort of epiphany that makes a person take a step back and say “Whoa.”

If you don’t think you can handle it, stop reading now. Otherwise, hold onto your butt.

Taylor Martinez could be a real-life Johnny Utah.

Like, seriously.

For real, brah.

During the scene when Keanu and Patrick Swayze beat the crap out of Anthony Kiedis, lightning struck and the similarities between Taylor and Johnny presented themselves like constellations on a moonless night in Western Nebraska.

Both played quarterback at Big Ten schools.

Both played in the Rose Bowl. (Well, Taylor played at the Rose Bowl.)

Both suffered career ending injuries.

Both went on to careers as an “agent.”

Taylor Martinez and Johnny Utah, two legendary dudes.

As the first outlet to blow the lid off Taylor’s new career as a real-estate agent, I feel like I have a special connection to the guy.

If it weren’t for a strict policy of Never-Go-To-Orange-County-Unless-You-Absolutely-Have-To (last time was November of 2012 to be in a buddy’s wedding), I would have immediately booked an appointment for a tour and bribed my wife with whatever it would take to get her to agree to dress up in Affliction gear and spend a day behind the Orange Curtain masquerading as OC home buyers.

“Yeah, Taylor. Thanks for the walk through but we’re really not feeling the media room. We’re gonna keep looking. But would you mind signing this football I happened to bring along? If you could make it out to ‘Dear eBay purchaser’, that would be great.”

Since that will never happen, I decided the next best thing to do would be to use this pulpit to try and convince him to abandon his career as Taylor Martinez real estate agent and become Taylor Martinez FBI agent.

With his 25th birthday and quarter-life crisis approaching, I set out to pen the perfect Huskermax-esque long distance dedication to try to convince Taylor that there’s more to life than wooing people with granite counter tops and heated bathroom floors.

He could be busting up crystal meth rings, bank robberies, get in government sanctioned car chases- all kinds of fun stuff. And if he didn’t want to go it alone, I’d happily be his Gary Busey spirit guide.

That’s when my preliminary detective work uncovered something rather curious.

Taylor’s last Instagram post (his feed is delightfully silly, btw) was on February 5.

There are plenty of qualified surgeons in the OC/LA area, not to mention California. One does not travel to North Carolina for foot surgery unless something big is afoot.

Then, a look at his Twitter feed reveals he hasn’t tweeted in nearly a month and when he did, they were just links to long deleted Instagrams.

It’s a total social media shut down. You know who else does that when it’s time to get down to business?

Aaron Rodgers, Mr. Discount Double Check himself.

We can only imagine the grueling training regimen Taylor’s putting himself through to get back into game shape.

Then again, he might just be on spring break forever.

Taylor, whatever you decide to do, even if it’s comfortably living out the rest of your days in a real-life Margaritaville, this blog has your your back but don’t be shy about going for something big.

You would be so awesome at this.

Huskers, Mike Riley

Dirk Calls Husker Program An Escalade. Was That An Insult?

March 8, 2015 Todd Munson 1 Comment

Dirk Chatelain’s long-form biography of Coach Riley is an excellent, well crafted piece and is a must read.

Every word.

Every one sentence paragraph.

There’s no denying the care Dirk used when assembling it. What can we say? Game recognizes game.

However, one line gave us pause.

To quote Dirk: “…the local hero gave up everything he knew and cut a new trail east, trading his cruiser of a program for an Escalade.”

On the surface, the analogy is clear and easy to digest. By making the leap from Oregon State to Nebraska, Coach Riley swapped the key to his humble beach cruiser’s lock for the keys to a four-wheeled intergalactic spaceship of Olive Garden parking lots.

Oregon State on the left. Nebraska on the right.

In the companion video that illustrates Riley’s commute from his former home to Reser Stadium, Dirk says “Riley isn’t much of a car guy, even if it’s the safer form of travel.”

For being such a huge stat-head, Dirk makes a blanket statement that is not at all correct. Bicycling has been statistically proven, time and time again, to be the safest form of transportation with a death rate 15 times lower than driving a car.

Except of course when Cadillac Escalades harass and/or kill cyclists.

http://youtu.be/iCtpbNu0_jY?t=51s

Then there’s also the issue with the Escalade having the highest death rate in its own category at over twice the average.

But let’s climb out of the rabbit hole of statistical minutia and take a look at what the Escalade is on the surface.

It’s big.

Nebraska is a big state and Nebraskans are typically considered a big people, (in that strong, husky way of course).

It’s American made.

If you consider the Republic of Texas part of America.

It’s powerful.

Sort of. Weighing in at nearly 6,000 pounds, the Escalade requires a big engine for any semblance of speed, just as long as it doesn’t have to turn. And despite its SUV status, don’t even think about taking on an Oregon Trail-like expedition.

It’s loaded with all kinds of info-taining technologically wizardry.

Just like Memorial Stadium. We’ll overlook the part where Car and Driver calls the Escalade’s system annoying.

Its bench seating is cramped and uncomfortable.
Just like Memorial Stadium.

Its glory years were 2004 – 2007.

While the Escalade had its moment in the sun, Husker football was in the gutter. They both have yet to rebound to where they once were but at least the Huskers haven’t been reduced to being mocked by the New York Times for moonlighting as the heel in a second string Disney movie.

Cad-Spinner’s headshot from Planes: Fire and Rescue.

Maybe Dirk isn’t much of a car guy. Or maybe he used the first analogous vehicle that came to mind. Perhaps an editor thought his piece needed a quick hitter comparison for the simpletons beyond Omaha’s cosmopolitan borders.

We’ll pretend it was the latter.

It would greatly disappoint us that a writer as sharp as Dirk would leave a ball on the tee with a stout tailwind blowing straight down the pipe of a wide open fairway.

A year after Bob Devaney made his debut on the Memorial Stadium sideline, Dr. Ferdinand Porsche unveiled his new 911 at the 1963 Frankfurt Auto Show.

Bob Devaney and Ferdinand Porsche embarked on their legacy defining work a only a year apart. The foundations they built are still recognizable to this day.

The Huskers’ most recent masterpiece and the 2015 Porsche 911.

Before you get up in arms about the notion of a German car being symbolic of a team as American as the Huskers, think about the country where the bulk of Nebraska’s early pioneers came from.

Now, with that strong German heritage in mind, let’s take a closer look at the iconic 911.

From its 1963 debut through 1989, every year brought new variations and upgrades with many components remaining the same and were interchangeable from year to year.

When Porsche engineers felt they had wrung every last drop of performance out of the existing platform, they started over with a clean slate. The signature look and air cooled, rear engine design remained the same. The next few years that followed were spent working out the kinks of modernization.

By late 1993, another step in the 911’s evolution was taken. Three decades may have passed but perfection was finally realized. The next five years were a celebration of full potential reached. A car that should have ceased production by the time the 80s rolled around had found new life. A design that pundits had deemed antiquated was thriving and leaving its rivals in the dust in the 90s.

The historic run would come to an end in the fall of 1998 when the first 911s with liquid cooled engines rolled into dealer showrooms.

One era ends. Another begins.

Does any of that sound eerily similar to the fate of the Huskers?

Boom. Change a single detail and Dirk’s story takes on a whole new historical dimension.

— Bonus content —

While the 911’s history and philosophy meshes almost too perfectly with that of the modern era Huskers, if one single car were to truly epitomize Nebraska football, we’d be inclined to pick this bad boy.

The Dodge Viper GTS features a 488 cubic inch V-10 that puts out 450 horsepower the old-fashioned way. This beast has enough torque to rip the capitol off its foundation and isn’t afraid to take a punch in the mouth. Let’s hope Coach Riley found the keys to an unmarked storage shed in his welcome packet. It’s time to release the Kraken.

What car do you think is most symbolic of the Huskers?

Let’s hear ’em.

Huskers

Field Trip: Husker Baseball Visits Loyola Marymount

March 4, 2015 Todd Munson

The Husker Baseball team returned to Los Angeles for the first time since 2013 to take on the Loyola Marymount Lions in a three game series this past weekend.

The last (and only) time Nebraska and LMU met on the diamond was back in 1988 with the Lions going for the jugular in both games. LMU extended their winning streak over the Huskers after Friday’s match up under the lights on an evening that was about as miserable as the weather gets in LA.

Lucky for me, I could only make it to the two games the Huskers won. Or, maybe my little Buddha belly is Husker Baseball’s lucky charm? (Feel free to get at me, when the CWS rolls around.)

With StormWatch 2015 in full effect throughout the weekend, Saturday and Sunday’s games were bumped up a few hours to avoid impending weather doom. LMU’s scenic campus is built on a bluff overlooking the Pacific and is perfectly positioned for a Day After Tomorrow kind of situation.

We courageously accepted the risk and braved a wind chill in low 60’s with possible water falling from the sky. Bad weather can’t keep us from the Huskers.

George Page Stadium, home of the LMU Lions. George left his hometown of Fremont, Nebraska at age 16 and headed to California with $2.30 in his pocket. He went on to become a very successful businessman and one of LA’s most prominent philanthropists.

Located at the entrance, Pride Park is dedicated to beloved LMU fan Grandma Cruz.

View of Pride Park from behind Grandma Cruz’s home plate memorial. During Sunday’s game, LMU hosted a Wiffle Ball game for kids. We thought we’d be solid ringers but didn’t get picked.

Upon entering the stadium, this is the sight that greeted us.

No matter where any of the Husker teams go, fans will be there an hour early. By game time both days, the visitor’s section had swelled to a mighty Puddle of Red.

Oh, hey there, Husker Baseball. The most fascinating element of Page Stadium is the Mikos Blue Monster measuring 37 feet tall, the same height as Fenway’s Green Monster.

One neat perk for LMU season ticket holders is getting their names on their seats. Once the game started, we took it upon ourselves to check IDs to make sure no riff-raff was poaching the Gill Family’s seats.

Husker Baseball coach Darin Erstad exchanges line up cards with LMU Coach Jason Gill. Sorry about hassling your family for ID, bro.

Senior Kyle Kubat yielded just one run and three hits over seven innings to pick up his first win of the season on Saturday.
Photo: @JoeJanecek

Lead off hitter Jake Schleppenbach was a thorn in LMU’s side all weekend but was at his thorniest laying down a sacrifice bunt attempt that ended with two Huskers scoring and him sliding into third.
Photo: @JoeJanecek

The Huskers used the bunt to their advantage both Saturday and Sunday, forcing LMU to make decisions and plays. I like that Coach Erstad seems to be aggressive when it comes to getting that first run on the board. All too often I’ve seen coaches (well, at least Joe Torre and Don Mattingly) save the small ball until it’s desperately needed. By then it’s usually too late. The only move that didn’t pan out was a potential first run on Saturday that was snuffed out at home on a contact play.

Sequence of the contact play that went in LMU’s favor. Even with a chopper to third, it was close play at the plate.

Random observations from someone who hasn’t seen the Huskers play since 2013, yet has attended 54 Dodger games and watched at least another 200 on the TV during that stretch:

Plate discipline: The Huskers clearly have it. On Saturday Blake Headly worked an epic at-bat (I stopped counting after the 37th pitch) into a 2 run double. The Huskers weren’t shy about swinging at the first pitch but were very selective in doing so. LMU’s pitchers really worked bottom of the strike zone and the Huskers showed restraint in laying off some very close pitches. When the count got tight, they showed a knack for making defensive contact and keeping at-bats alive.

Speed: To quote the great Vin Scully:

"One of the oldest expressions in baseball- speed never has a slump. If you can run you've got part of the game licked & Puig can run." -Vin

— Los Angeles Dodgers (@Dodgers) July 26, 2013

Once on base, the Huskers weren’t shy about turning on the jets. While I don’t recall any steals, there were several instances of extra bases being grabbed off hits and very aware base running. As soon as a player slid into base, the first order of business was finding the ball. Which leads to-

Fundamentals: All weekend long the Husker defensive moved as such a cohesive unit it was like the whole team was mentally linked up and driving a Jaeger from Pacific Rim. As soon as LMU put the ball into play, back ups flew into position. I can’t tell you how refreshing it is to see a catcher and second baseman sprinting to back up a routine grounder from third to first. Following the Huskers’ work on bunt defense during BP on Saturday, the exact scenario played out on the field and they executed it just like they practiced. I wish there was a situation where LMU got caught in a pickle because I have a hunch the Huskers would have handled it perfectly, which would have brought tears of joy to Vin’s eyes. If there’s one thing on Earth that grates his cheese, it’s seeing a bad rundown play.

Defense: Granted, this could be the years of horror that was watching Hanley Ramirez try to play shortstop talking but Steven Reveles has such an insanely fast and smooth glove to hand transition it’s like watching a magician play baseball. From deep in the their respective corners of the outfield, Luis Alvarado and Austin Darby launched guided missile heat-seeking laser bullets to home from on Sunday. The Huskers were one loose ball away from negating both of LMU’s scoring chances.

The defensive play of the weekend belonged to LMU left fielder Billy Wilson. Immediately following Tanner Lubach‘s bomb off the top of the Blue Monster, Darby followed with a line drive shot that sent Wilson into full Superman mode, not stopping until he slid across the warning track. When the dust finally settled, Husker fans were cheering just as much as they did on Lubach’s dinger.

Overall, if the pitching can remain stout and the bats stay warm, there’s no reason why the Huskers can’t make a solid run to Omaha. The foundation is certainly there. LMU was no slouch and this weekend’s tournament in Houston will be a great test to see how the Big Red stacks up against perennial powerhouses.

Now that you made it this far, here are some highlights from the weekend. And keep on scrolling for more photos.

The Huskers wore camo jerseys for batting practice on Saturday.

The Puddle of Red cheers on the Huskers. You could figure out who the California Nebraskans were based on the amount of layers. Had the day’s weather hovered over Lincoln, shorts would have been worn and classes held outside.

LMU softball played the same time as their baseball counterparts on Saturday. You can see the Blue Monster peeking out through the trees. The LMU fans I talked to were impressed by the gravitational pull of the Big Red.

Blake Headly swung a hot bat all weekend.

Jake Schleppenbach proved to be a legit threat at the top of the line up and his mom proved to be a great ambassador for Husker Baseball. She introduced herself and thanked us for coming out on Sunday. We also met family of Taylor Fish, Tanner Lubach, and Steven Reveles. They were all super nice.

First churro of the season! A ballpark staple in LA.

With Sunday’s first pitch at 11am, we brought a box of donuts to share with fellow Husker fans. Baseball and donuts were a great recovery from staying up until 3am on a House of Cards bender.

Boldly wore my prediction for Sunday. Some real gems turn up when you search ‘Vintage Huskers’ on eBay.

Go Big Red!

Sunday’s rain held off until the bottom of the ninth.

Huskers get the series win. Now on to the next one.

Ameer Abdullah, Huskers

Old Guys Attempt NFL Combine, Flail Miserably

February 22, 2015 Todd Munson

With the NFL Combine happening this weekend, I came up with hair-brained idea to find out how mere mortals would stack up against this year’s Husker invitees Ameer Abdullah, Kenny Bell, and Randy Gregory.

One of the best parts about living in Los Angeles is that fellow idiots are only a text message away. It didn’t take much convincing to get my friends Brent and Ray from the hilarious Ray’s N’ Brent Podcast to meet up bright and early on a Saturday morning knowing the only outcome would be self-induced internet embarrassment and shame.

Not long after Kenny Bell broke off a 4.42 40 yard dash at the combine, we met at the 50 yard line of one of the most hallowed football fields in all of Los Angeles- Van Nuys High. You may know it better as Ridgemont High.

Yes, it is that Ridgemont High. Unfortunately the doors were locked so we couldn’t sneak in and sniff Phoebe Cates’ locker.

It was an honor to stand on the very field where Charles Jefferson single-handedly destroyed Lincoln High.

True Story: After Fast Times at Ridgemont High was filmed at Van Nuys High, the school’s mascot remained the Wolves in honor of Ridgemont’s mascot.

Tale of the tape: Ray was a Randy Gregory like 6’4″ 240, your humble author was a doughy Kenny Bell at 6’1″ and 212, and Brent came in at 5’9″ and a stout 255 (aka Ameer Abdullah plus 4 bowling balls).

Our agenda for the day was the same as many prospects working out at the combine. After checking to see how we measured up/how much we’d let ourselves go, we set out to do the 40 yard dash, 20 yard shuttle run, 3 cone drill, standing broad jump, vertical leap and in lieu of decapitating ourselves trying to bench 225lbs, a push up contest would be our grand finale.

And we got it all on video.

If you’d like to rock the 8-bit Husker style, Nebraska Red Zone can hook it up. And be sure to listen to Ray and Brent’s post combine analysis and smack talk on their show.

Going from the couch to the combine is not a move many fitness experts would ever recommend. Writing this a day later, my shoulder is still sore from failing to stick a landing in the vertical leap, some side fat is feeling the pain of being stretched in a direction it shouldn’t have been and there’s a hitch in the ol’ get-a-long thanks to shanking one too many attempts at a 20 yard field goal.

Finishing the day within two seconds of Ameer in the 40 yard dash felt pretty good but any shred of glory got washed away as I did some math while hobbling off the field.

A two second margin of victory in a 40 yard footrace means that Ameer would win by nearly 20 yards.

His top performances in the vertical and the broad jump are even more ridiculous. In our tryout tape, we jumped from the edge of the sand because we didn’t know if we could even make it to the sand. And we used the soccer goal as our vertical measuring stick because none of us could even graze the bottom of the goal post’s crossbar, we are not who to ask if you want to increase your vertical jumping.

With actual, real training (and maybe 15 years rolled off the odometer) could it be possible to even hang at the combine?

Maybe. But then there’s that whole also-having-to-excel-at-playing-football thing that gets thrown in the mix as well. Not even The Ocho has room in their schedule for pro shuttle runners.

Ultimately, the jaw dropping numbers you see put up at the combine are the result of a decade or so worth of focused, hard work. And that’s on top of a no doubt strong foundation of natural talent.

Each and every single one of those guys who make it that far all had a coach at some point who gave them the hustle beats talent when talent doesn’t hustle speech and realized talent that hustles could be unstoppable. You just gotta commit and do the work.

We’ll go ahead and end there.

I’m running late for my nap.

Huskers

Rickey Thenarse Arrested on Burglary Charges (Again)

February 18, 2015 Todd Munson

The Lincoln Journal Star reports that former Husker safety Rickey Thenarse has been arrested on burglary charges.

Rickey Thenarse via Mugshots.com

A recruit of Bill Callahan, Thenarse was briefly a member of the Seattle Seahawks and apparently a grad assistant at Nevada before spiraling into a descent of poorly thought out petty theft.

Thenarse’s most recent arrest stems from an incident on January 14 in which a computer and several DVDs were reported stolen. (This is not to be confused with another bumbled burglary on January 24. )

WTF, who still even has DVDs? And who thinks they’d be a valuable commodity on the black market in 2015?

We know the answer to the second question would be Rickey Thenarse.

At least he didn’t waste valuable time rummaging through old shoe boxes on a quest to find a hidden collection of Cassingles buried like it was the Ark of the Covenant.

Then again, those would probably be worth more on eBay than DVDs at a Pawn Shop.

And this is all speculation, but our official Big Red Fury Magic 8-Ball says all signs point to Thenarse not being enough of a criminal mastermind to wipe the victim’s computer before attempting to exchange it for some valuable loot.

It’s not hard to imagine how that one played out.

“Hi, is this (anonymous victim)?”

“OK, great. This is Bill down at Capital City Pawn. Some big guy just returned your computer to us for some reason. We’re open till 6 if you want to pick it up tonight. Otherwise, we’ll reopen tomorrow at 9.”

Here’s the deal, Rickey. You’ve been rung up three times in four months dating back to November’s petty theft charge. (Btdubs, good job not getting arrested over the holidays.)

In all seriousness, don’t you think it might be time for a change of course? A new plan of action?

I’m not exactly a career counselor or a life coach but I did stand in line behind Tony Robbins at a Coffee Bean once so I feel I’m qualified to suggest that instead of strong arm robbing people of their Zoolander DVDs, why don’t you try gently knocking on the door of the next house you think about robbing?

Then, when it opens, say “Hi, I’m former Husker Rickey Thenarse. Maybe you remember me doing this on Tom Osborne Field?” (This is where you’d throw the bones for added flair.) “I’m a little hard up for cash right now and was wondering if you’d have any Husker items you’d like me to sign. Or, if I’m interrupting dinner, maybe I could join you and tell you some stories? Heck, I’ll even wash the dishes when we’re done.”

Yes, Rickey. I know that sounds embarrassing but it can’t be any worse than what you’ve already done.

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GBR always.