Category Archives: Huskers

Big Ten, College Football, Huskers

Sorry, Purdue. Mercy is For the Weak

What a difference a year makes, huh?

The last time the Huskers and Purdue Boilermakers squared off, Nebraska imploded worse than Donald Trump’s campaign. In a decade and a half that has been riddled with soul crushing and mind boggling defeats, losing to a horrible, even by their low standards, Purdue team 55-45 was easily the worst of them all. At least with the 70-10 loss at Texas Tech back in 2004, you can chalk that one up to the perils of Joe Dailey trying to run the West Coast Offense.

Side note: If your head is spinning because Donald was mentioned in a light less glowing than his complexion, feel free to substitute the Los Angeles Dodgers in the above analogy. I went to all three of their NLCS home games and spent two evenings that were far from very pleasant or good watching them play their worst baseball of the year at the absolute worst time. It has not been a good week.

OK. Now that that’s out of the way, let’s get to Purdue.

As you probably heard, their coach, Darrell Hazel, was kicked to the curb following the Boilermakers’ 49-35 loss against Iowa last weekend. Hazel went 9-33 in three and a half seasons and racked up a grand total of three Big Ten wins His teams took down Illinois (twice) and notched their signature victory at the expense of the Huskers.

Side note #2: The family that has seats next us at Dodger Stadium includes an Iowa alum. (I swear, these people are inescapable.) After she told me about Northwestern ruining her homecoming trip back to Iowa City, she took great joy in the fact that the Hawkeyes were able to regain a shred of dignity by being just bad/good enough to get a coach fired. She was so happy.

Well, apologies in advance to whoever (Gerad Parker, I guess?) is calling the shots for the Boilermakers today. You’re going to be in for a long miserable afternoon that will leave you questioning every life decision you’ve ever made.

You see, the 2016 Huskers aren’t the same sad sacks of confusion and disarray you  played last year. These guys are ranked #8 in the country and are on a mission to roll into Madison undefeated next week. You Boilermakers are just a diversion to kill the time until next week’s main event.

The best case for this game is Mike Riley shows no mercy and gets this one over by halftime. Then, he unleashes Ryker to finish the job.

We’re talking a full 30 minutes of sweeping Boilermaker legs.

riley-ryker-karate-kid-copy
Mercy is for the weak, Ryker. Remember what they did to you last year.

I don’t know about y’all but my heart and psyche can’t take the stress of a tense Husker game immediately followed by playoff baseball two Saturdays in a row. Let’s have some laughs and a few hours of fun today.  (And don’t even mention what’s still technically possible for next Saturday.)

Huskers win this one 41-17.


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Big Ten, College Football, Huskers

Sunday Evening Hot Takes: Indiana Edition

The Huskers’ 27-22 win over the Indiana Hoosiers wasn’t the prettiest but at the end of the day they found a way to leave Bloomington with their perfect record still intact.

If you can believe it, our Huskers are now 6-0 and your number 8 team in the country.

This game had all the makings of a good ol’ fashioned Husker rout when the Big Red jumped out to a 17-0 first quarter lead but then some ghosts of last season had to go and rear their ugly head.

There were special teams miscues (a blocked punt for a safety was far from ideal), Tommy Armstrong Jr. threw a pair of interceptions, the second so mind boggling that peak 2015 Bad Tommy would have been all WTF, and the Blackshirts momentarily forgot how to play defense. Mike Riley made sure to get in on the action by forgetting how to manage the clock at the end of the first half. The Huskers started a drive at their own 35 with 1:14 to play and a couple timeouts to work with. They got as far as mid-field but went into the locker room without taking a shot to the end zone and their timeouts in Riley’s back pocket.

The start of the second half was such a pile of boredom that not even free shots of whisky could make the game exciting. There was seriously a 15 minute stretch where I read up on repairing cracks in stucco walls. The game was that bad.

Things certainly got interesting when Indiana made it 17-15 at the end of the third quarter when a 39 yard return of a 45 yard punt led to a two play, nine second touchdown drive for the Hoosiers.

The Huskers pulled away again in the fourth when Tommy connected with Stanley Morgan Jr. on a 72 yard touchdown pass that was arguably his most ridiculous TD strike since his 99 yard bomb to Quincy Enunwa in the Gator Bowl.

Indiana answered right away with a five play, 75 yard touchdown drive of their own to make it 24-22 with ten minutes left to play.

Husker Nation would not able to relax until economics major Aaron Williams made it a Black Saturday for the Hoosiers with a game sealing interception on the second play of their last ditch drive.

On to the fun stuff.

Mike Riley’s Balloon Watch

Mike Riley's Family Jewels
Yes, this is the same balloon watch from last game but if we make Mike’s stones any bigger it might be unbelievable.

Mike Riley’s decision to go for it on 4th and 1 from Indiana’s 48 with the Huskers clinging to a two point lead and nearly five minutes left to play took balls but it was the right call if you’re playing to win rather than playing to “hopefully not get beat.”

By getting the first down and eventual field goal, the Huskers put Indiana’s back to the wall by making it a touchdown or nothing situation, but that didn’t matter a whole lot since they were able to chew an extra four minutes off the clock and force Indiana use their remaining timeouts.

The Huskers might not have buried the Hoosiers on the scoreboard but their fourth quarter dominance continued via the clock. Nebraska held the ball for 11:16 of the final 15 minutes. Their final time-of-possession advantage was a mere 5:52.

Our Score Prediction

At least we got the seven right in the Huskers’ score.

NUMBERS TO IMPRESS YOUR FRIENDS WITH

17: A Drew Brown field goal + a Terrell Newby TD run from four yards out + a Chris Jones pick six = the Huskers’ biggest first quarter offensive output of the season so far. Up until yesterday, the Big Red has been (mostly) reliable to score exactly one touchdown in the first quarter.  Only Northwestern has been able to pitch a shutout in the opening period.

360: The Huskers put up their lowest offensive numbers of the season with 152 yards rushing and 208 through the air. The only time they’ve posted a lower total on the ground was for 138 against Wyoming. That day, Tommy threw for 377, going 20 for 34.

*The last time the Huskers put up a lower overall total was 292 against Illinois in 2015 and we all know how that went.

8: Chris Jones, number 8 in your program, and Stanley Morgan Jr., also number 8 in your program, both had big days. Jones and had the aforementioned pick six and Stanley’s 72 yard touchdown catch in the fourth quarter was a thing of beauty that made a trio of Indiana defenders look the Three Stooges. Oh, and in case you missed it. The Huskers are now ranked #8.

-4: Aaron Williams’ return yardage on his game sealing interception. As someone who’s still traumatized by the infamous LeKevin Smith interception against Texas Tech, it was a joyous sight to see Williams immediately slide to the turf.

.666: The Huskers’ batting average (6/9) when going for it on 4th down.  Mike Riley’s propensity to go for it and his beastly success rate makes you wonder if he struck a deal with a certain someone over the summer.

2: Terrell Newby’s 102 yards rushing and 140 against Illinois means he now has his first ever 100 yard game streak. Took him until his senior year to accomplish the feat but better late than never. Here’s hoping he gets to extend it to three when Purdue chugs into town.


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Big Ten, Huskers, Mike Riley

It’s been a strange season but are we really afraid of Indiana?

With the Indiana Hoosiers lurking in the shadows, the Huskers’ fall break is over with a vengeance.

DUN… DUN… DUN.

Hey there… remember this site? The one that seemingly fell off the earth faster than Barb after the Huskers rolled Illinois?

Well, there’s a good story behind that if only I could remember what happened. To keep it brief,  I went to see a concert the Tuesday evening of bye week and somehow had a random blackout episode (for the record I was still on my first beer) that sent me to the ER with a rather gnarly concussion.  Now that I’ve regained enough brain power to form mostly coherent thoughts, it’s time to get  back to what’s really important.

The Huskers rolling into Indiana and snapping some Hoosier necks like they have the power of telekinesis.

Since we last checked in, the Huskers  slid into the Top 10 thanks to other teams losing which has raised the question if the Big Red is really a contender, especially with their signature win coming against an Oregon team that’s now experiencing its worst season since their days of getting blown out at home 70-21 was a regular thing.

Look, it’s not the Huskers fault that they pummeled the Ducks so hard they ended up more mentally roasted than Eleven’s mom. That’s just a potential side effect from having Mike Riley’s team on your schedule. Get used to it.

mike-riley-as-indiana-jones
Will Mike Riley return to Indiana to steal the Big Ten Championship Trophy in December? He’ll need to beat the Hoosiers first. 

Even still, pundits are worried Indiana is going to be a trap game. This is the same Indiana that is currently 3-2 with a loss to Wake Forest and is coming off a 38-17 beat down by Ohio State. Granted, the Hoosiers’ most impressive win of the season came against Michigan State in overtime but let’s not overlook the fact that Indiana won thanks to the fact that the Spartans suck this year and  T-Magic’s brother Drake got called for a game changing leaping penalty (WTF?) during a field goal attempt.

Oooh, but they have an “uptempo offense” and some “playmakers.” You know what else they have? Shawn Watson, yes, that Shawn Watson, as the “quality control” assistant for the offense.

Big deal if Indiana doesn’t huddle. That just means there’s going to be less time for Michael Rose-Ivey and Nate Gerry wait before they get to tackle someone again. The only worry for the Blackshirts is if Chris Jones gets a blister from making so many interceptions. Hoosier QB Richard Lagow has thrown seven in five games. Meanwhile, our boy Tommy is holding steady at two. (He had six through five games last season.)

What kind of upside down world are we living in?

There’s no denying Indiana is a scary place. Between the 2012 Big Ten Championship Game and last year’s massacre at Purdue, there’s a lot to fear about playing football in the Hoosier State.

But the Hoosiers aren’t one of them.

Huskers win 47-24.


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Big Ten, College Football, Huskers

Sunday Morning Hot Takes: Illinois Edition

Illinois clearly did not get the memo that this game was supposed to be a cake walk into the Huskers’ bye week.

After surrendering an opening touchdown on a 13 play, 75 yard drive, the Fighting Illini (along with some timely contributions from the Huskers and Bad Tommy) proceeded to send Husker Nation spiraling down into that deep, dark hole where last season’s bad memories are buried.

For three anguishing quarters, the 15th ranked Huskers looked a lot like the team that spent 2015 finding new and painful ways to snatch defeat from the jaws of victory.

Then the 4th quarter started and the Big Red hitched their wagon to Terrell Newby. The senior running back answered the call and put together a career-defining game. He scored two of the final period’s three Husker touchdowns and sealed the game with a 63 yard blast that had him pulling away from Illinois defenders like he had little NOS tanks in his non-Yeezy Adidas.

By the final whistle, the Big Red faithful breathed a sigh of relief at what turned out to be a very tense false alarm as the new and improved “find a way to win” Huskers cracked the code on Illinois.

The upcoming bye week will hopefully give the slew of injured Huskers (Jordan Westerkamp, Cethan Carter, and Devine Ozigbo were Saturday’s casualties) a chance to heal. Westerkamp’s non-disclosed injury (likely a shot to a kidney) sent him to the hospital to get checked out but he was soon released. If he’s back on the field in time for Indiana it will be interesting to see if he’s wear some additional padding. Those hot pants he likes to rock really don’t offer much in terms of protection.

Let’s get to the fun stuff.

Mike Riley’s Balloon Watch

Mike Riley's Family Jewels

Going for it TWICE on 4th down at a time when merely getting a field goal would have been a perfectly acceptable call gets Mike the AC/DC treatment the week. This new look salty and vicious Mike Riley is turning out to be a lot of fun.

Our Score Prediction

A note about Fanny Pack Spider-Man’s performance: He was paid $6 for approximately 30 seconds of work. (Keep in mind the going rate on Hollywood Blvd is a buck or two a photo but we’re a big time operation.) The first thing he did was complain that he wasn’t being paid enough for his efforts. He then proceeded to completely brick it. Oh well, at least everyone was wrong on the one.

Two Tweets, Two 311 References

Seriously, why hasn’t 311 ever done a collab with the Huskers (aside from the part where they’re 311)? Someone needs to get P-Nut on the horn about this out of respect to the band that gave the world Omaha Stylee.

Randy’s Legendary Block One More Time Just Because

NUMBERS TO IMPRESS YOUR FRIENDS WITH

42: Did you know that Tommy Armstrong Jr. and Jordan Westerkamp have a secret roommate who can also catch touchdown passes? Senior Tre Foster seemingly came out of nowhere (or at least Illinois’ defense completely forgot about him) and hauled in a six yard touchdown pass to give the Huskers a little breathing room. Since his redshirt freshman year, Foster has caught exactly one pass per season. His career stats after today- a pair of six and nine yard receptions and two touchdown catches, his first coming against BYU last season.

69.5:  As wild as he was today, Tommy completed nearly 70% of his passes going 16/23 with one mind numbing interception. He threw for 220 yards while the Huskers gained 219 on the ground on 49 attempts. Hope Throw the Ball Guy and Run the Ball Guy are happy with those numbers.

10: How many different Huskers caught at least one heater from Tommy.

16:01: The Huskers’ time-of-possession advantage. For lack of a better word, that is bonkers.

0: Guess there’s no reason to punt when your coach has the stones to go for it on 4th down.

22: Illinois converted 22% of their third downs. Meanwhile, the Huskers moved the chains at a 71% clip.

17: The number of 4th quarter carries for Terrell Newby when he pulled a Greg Jennings and put the team on his back. His gutsy performance against Illinois will be one that Husker fans never forget.

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Big Ten, College Football, Huskers

Side-to-Side: A look back at Northwestern and Ahead to Illinois

Last weekend in Chicago was a blast and I feel sorry for everyone who missed out on the fishbowls at Kirkwood. Then there was the actual game, which I have hardly heard about because before the game, they played the National Anthem. (I fully support our players kneeling for their beliefs and am glad they have people talking, even the stupid ones, because those idiots prove why they are needing to take a stand). But yes, there was an actual game played and it hasn’t really been talked about. The Huskers won. They are 4-0. You read that correctly, 4-0!!!!! I haven’t been this happy since the day Bo got fired (November 30 will always be a personal holiday).

Side note: There was a Northwestern player that really stood out to our group. #46 SB Eric Lutzen. Kid had energy for days and was the only Wildcat that I saw never give up. He cheered his team on more than anybody in that stadium. I need this kid to get some playing time. He’s got the most important intangible of all: heart. Get him out there, Fitz.

The only Northwestern player that I liked.
Eric Lutzen, the only Northwestern player that I liked.

A LOOK AT ILLINOIS

Lovie Smith was hired at Illinois so people would know the name of one person associated with the program. The last time Illinois won in Lincoln, Calvin Coolidge was president. The year was 1924. The 2016 Illinois squad is coming off two losses from Western Michigan and North Carolina. If I were a betting woman, I would guess that ESPN will remind us of their big win in the first week against the powerhouse that is Murray State. 52-3. A win like that will take it out of you for the next two games so the losses just make sense.

screen-shot-2016-09-30-at-1-14-21-pm
Yes, I do fill out scores in my Phil Steele preview.

They are probably coming off their bye week and rolling into Lincoln HOT and ready for a piece of the Blackshirts. Just kidding. I might not even go into the game this weekend because it’s going to be so sad to watch. I can tell you the coach’s name, but I can’t name one player on this Illinois squad besides their QB Wes Lunt.

screen-shot-2016-09-30-at-10-10-48-am
Going to school at Oklahoma State but playing football for Illinois seems like it’s probably an NCAA violation

Nobody in the country has watched an Illinois game this season. Probably not even the players because their play would suggest they are not watching film. Looking at their depth chart:

img_2305
Jeff George must really hate his kid to let him play at Illinois.

Anyway, the biggest Nebraska concern is a situation with the offensive line. The situation being that both starting guards are now out. RG Tanner Farmer was  injured against Northwestern and is out against Illinois. LG Corey Whitaker, who replaced Farmer during the game last Saturday, will again be in for Farmer against Illinois. It looks like Cole Conrad, a sophomore walk-on, will be the backup tackle, center, and guard. Don’t read that last sentence again because it is scary. WR Alonzo Moore will also be out against Illinois. The good news is that this is Illinois which should be like a bye week, followed by an actual bye week, so there should be time for some of these guys to recover.

What I’m going to need to see on Saturday:

*Coach Dub back on the sideline.

*Cole Conrad still on the sidelines the whole game.

*More Mikale Wilbon. Like a lot more Mikale Wilbon.

*A DPE house call.

*Nate Gerry continue to be Nate Gerry (he has made 25/26 tackle      attempts. I guess that is pretty good).

*A Chris Jones interception.

*All of the commits that are visiting to commit (looking at you Joseph Lewis and Rahyme Johnson).

I’d name a few more things but I’m going to keep this list realistic.

See you folks tomorrow  in Lincoln. GBR.


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College Football, Huskers, Mike Riley

The Worst of the Worst Tweets to Michael Rose-Ivey

With Michael Rose-Ivey, DaiShon Neal, and Mohamed Barry, joining the silent National Anthem protest happening at stadiums around the country, some of Husker Nation’s finest felt the need to dust off their Twitter accounts and give Rose-Ivy a piece of their minds.

Not that any of them can really afford to be giving brain matter away.

Before belly flopping into the cesspool of the worst of what Husker Nation has to offer, here are a some quick thoughts.

1. What Rose-Ivy, Neal, and Barry did is incredibly courageous. Even if you disagree with their methods, you can still respect their conviction to kneel for what they believe in. These are the kind of guys any team should be proud to have. When was the last time you believed in anything so strongly you were you were willing to deal with fallout of having an opinion that might be far from popular?

2. For those who are surprised that Mike Riley “allowed this to happen” here are two facts: 1) His freshman year at Alabama was 1971, the first year the Crimson Tide had African-American students on its roster.  2) He’s lived in Oregon for most of his life and drove a Prius, of course the hippy is going to allow a protest to take place.

3. That “stand for those who served for your freedoms” argument. A little refresher: The US military was segregated from the War of 1812 up until the Korean War. That’s nearly 140 years of bullshit and just one small sliver of the varying degrees of bullshit African-Americans have had to put up with in this country. Maybe you’d feel a little different about things if your grandfather wasn’t allowed to storm Omaha beach because of the color of his skin? Besides, the vast majority of those who serve do so knowing they are protecting the freedoms of everyone, not just those who they agree with. It’s the American way.

4. Thanks to a police officer who was my Cub Scout den leader and baseball coach for many seasons, I grew up with the belief that cops were among the best of the best and people who could always be trusted. As someone whose adult crimes consist of a trespassing ticket after a late night dip in Lincoln’s Woods Pool during college and a citation for riding my bike while listening to headphones, even I can tell officers have become more aggressive in the last decade. On more than one occasion I’ve been flat out threatened by LAPD officers for offenses as harmful as crossing the street or looking at them too long. I’m not kidding.  Still, the vast majority of officers are great people and I’m proud to have several as friends. But all it takes are a few bad apples to ruin the bunch, like this one, or this one, or this one or this one.

Now that that’s out of the way. Let’s get to the main event. I found these tweets by scrolling through Micheal Rose-Ivey’s mentions all the way back to kickoff of the Northwestern game. I can tell you with good authority that at least 9 out of 10 Husker fans who tweeted to him have shared nothing but encouraging words and support.

And there are these dipshits…

Tylor Poppert
UPDATE: Tylor finally wised up and locked down his account. Good thing screengrabs last forever.

Might as well get the worst of the worst out of the way. This smegma with a Twitter account has yet to delete this sweet meme. If you look at Tylor’s timeline, you’ll see he’s doubling down on everything he says. Please give him my best. He already blocked me for this tweet. When you’re a white guy living in Central Nebraska maybe you should recuse yourself from the national debate about racial relations and let the grown ups talk?

Angela’s entitlement game is stronger than yours. She deserves answers damn it.

You’re one of the few who are experiencing discontent, Bud.

What is it with these a-holes  and their obsession with the c-bomb?

Well, based on everything I’ve heard about Sam being a great teammate I’d say he’d support his fellow teammates. GTFO for even bringing him into this.

Love a good Lol from a white guy. And his hot takes keep on coming.

Maybe Austin should first work on mastering the English language  (or at least understanding the difference between than and then) before dipping his toes into the waters of sociology?

All that’s missing is a Sad!

Look at this timeline and you’ll see he thinks everyone is gay. It’s 2016 @UrDreamsSuck, just come out of the closet already. You’ll be a lot happier.

Um… pretty sure any one of those dudes could rip you in half, Pretty Boy. Also, lets not forget the names Callahan and Pelini.

For the record, Holli is a mental health counselor. Surprisingly, she’s not disappointed in Coach Riley for giving his OK on the protest.

It should be noted that @MarkPatrick1982’s other big concern is if UCLA is moving to the Big 12 based off what someone told him at his son’s football game. This bulb is not the brightest, people.

 

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Big Ten, College Football, Huskers

Sunday Afternoon Hot Takes: Northwestern Edition

While there were a few butt-clenching moments and flashbacks to Northwestern games of yore, the 2016 installment of this young rivalry will probably go down as one of the least memorable games of the season.

And that’s not because the Husker fans who made the trip did their best drink Chicago out of beer.

This Husker team is going on to bigger and better things this season and Ryan Field was just another stop on the way to the next one. While the 24-13 final score wasn’t the flashiest, the Huskers did achieve something quite remarkable en route to the W.

They finally found a way to get out of their own way.

Let’s count the miscues that normally would have spelled certain doom.

  • Two end zone fumbles that took 14 points off the board.
  • A 42 yard touchdown run by Wildcat QB Clayton Thorson. Last year he gashed the Huskers with runs of 68 and 49 yards.
  • A pick six thrown by Tommy. Oh wait. That would-be interception was dropped. Thank you, Wildcat defender.

It was so refreshing to see this team be able to put their mistakes behind them and not snatch defeat from the jaws of victory.  With Illinois coming to Lincoln next week, we’ll find out if these guys really have turned a corner should they find themselves back in an ominous 3rd and 7 situation.

Where I Watched The Game

Thanks to a “borrowed” BTN2GO password I was able to take the game with me and watch from my summer home at Dodger Stadium. With Vin Scully in his final weekend at Chavez Ravine and Clayton Kershaw pitching, the streams of my two favorite teams had to be crossed.

The Huskers (mostly) had this one in the bag by first pitch so I didn’t bother those sitting around us too much. However, I did have one nice Tourette’s moment when Newby fumbled into the end zone while I was standing in line for Dodger Dogs.

It was a little embarrassing but at least it made the line a lot shorter.

Mike Riley’s Balloon Watch

Mike went to Chicago, handled his business, and made some new friends.

Our Score Prediction

A little off on this one but at least Northwestern’s kicking woes made the 19 points we predicted for the Wildcats a distinct possibility. (Our scores are averaged from our pre-season predictions.)Had the Kitties scored another touchdown, there’s a good chance their holder who was upgraded to kicker after the starting kicker (who’s really a baseball player) missed a chip shot and a hit the upright on a PAT.

Thank You People Who Found This Amusing

Wildcats, starring Goldie Hawn and a very young Woody Harrelson and Wesley Snipes turned 30 this year.

NUMBERS TO IMPRESS YOUR FRIENDS WITH

8,927: The number of potholes/divots/holes dug to China on the field. This is a true fact. I counted all of them.

.230: Northwestern kicker Jack Mitchell’s career batting average before he hung up the spikes to focus on kicking his senior year.  He’s currently batting .333 when it comes to making field goals.

9: The number of different Huskers who caught passes. (This might be a season high but I’m too lazy to look it up.) Stanley Morgan Jr. led the way with four receptions and Alonzo Moore had the biggest of the night when he hauled in a 59 yarder.

6.6: The Huskers’ average yards per carry was their highest of the season. (I looked it up.) Their lowest average was 3.2 against Wyoming.

132: Tommy broke his career single game rushing record and averaged a brisk 10.2 yards per carry. His previous record was 131 yards against McNeese State in 2014.

10: The number of batters Clayton Kershaw has walked in 142 innings pitched this season. His strikeout to walk ratio is 16.8 to 1.


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Big Ten, Huskers, Mike Riley

Protect ya Neck, Wildcats. The NU-Tang Clan is Bringing da Ruckus to You

Fine, Northwestern. You want to be known as the NU of the Big Ten, you can have it.

Even if you Wildcats haven’t been consistently average since the Pappy Waldorf era, those two little letters are all yours. From this day forward, the NU of the Big Ten that is able to boast five National Championships, three Heisman Trophy winners, and a sellout streak running 350 games strong will be henceforth be referred to around these parts as the NU-Tang Clan.

It’s long overdue that the squad that holds the distinction of being the most bad ass team in college football history does a Vulcan mind meld with the most bad ass group in hip hop history.

nu-tang-clan
As you may recall, when the Wu-Tang Clan broke out in 1993, the Huskers were just getting started of breaking off a 60-3 record over a five year span.

So now that we’ve successfully rechristened the Huskers, let’s take a special look at all the ways Northwestern is doomed on Saturday. Long story short, there will be no better tomorrow for the Wildcats. The NU-Tang killer D is gonna swarm and if Northwestern has any luck at all, the won’t experience all 36 chambers of death.

Look for Nate “Ghostface Killah” Gerry  to tee off on Wildcat QB Clayton Thorson if he gets cute and tries busting out his Taylor Martinez impression from last year.  But it probably won’t even come to that because Thorson will first have to make past Ross “Inspectah Deck” Dzuris” and Michael “Masta Killa” Rose-Ivey.

On the other side of the ball, Tommy “RZA” Armstrong Jr. will be leading the NU-Tang Clan to the promised land again and again. In his previous game at Ryan Field (a dump so bad it makes Staten Island‘s Fresh Kills Landfill look like paradise), he caught a touchdown pass from De’Mornay “U-God” Pierson-El out of sheer boredom.

Then there’s the fact that Jordan “Method Man” Westerkamp will have more friends and family in the stands than the combined total of the Huskers’ travel squad and the actual Wu-Tang Clan. The last time Westy played in the Land of Lincoln, the Huskers fell to Illinois and he had a hard time hauling in any of Tommy’s wind ravaged passes that fell out of the sky so expect him to have a big day in his final go around back home. Since he can’t catch all the passes Cethan “Cappadonna” Carter and Stanley “GZA” Morgan Jr. will be there to spell him.

After starting the season with three tight-ass performances, you can expect Devine “Raekwon” Ozigbo to anchor the rushing attack.

Finally, saving the best for last, Mike “Ol’Dirty Bastard” Riley seems to have found a new ruthless killer instinct during last week’s win over Oregon. If he still believes fortune favors the bold, look for the iced out uniform wearing Huskers to have this game on ice before halftime.

C.R.E.A.M.* get that dubby.

NU-Tang Clan – 31

The Other NU – 19

* Cornhuskers Rule Everything Around Me

Here’s your gameday jam. Just swap out the Wu-Tang Clan for NU-Tang when you singalong and you’ll be all set.


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Big Ten, College Football, Huskers

A Brutally Honest (and Mildly Delusional) Preview from a Northwestern Fan

Editor’s note: Dave Williams, aka White Sox Dave from Barstool Sports, was kind enough to write up a preview of Saturday’s game from the perspective of a Northwestern fan. Along with the White Sox, Dave really is a Northwestern fan (who knew they existed?) so it wasn’t a stretch for him to write from his long-suffering heart. Give him a follow on Twitter for some great sports takes and to see how much it hurts to be a loyal fan of teams like the White Sox and Northwestern. Move to Trash

Take it away Dave…

I’d like to preface everything you’re about to read by first addressing the big elephant in the room: Yes, Northwestern has casual fans. My ACT score wouldn’t have been good enough to get into NU if you doubled it, (thought it would have been about twice as good as the average UNL student HA!) and I have a pretty poor grasp of the English language, yet here I am, donning Purple every Saturday representing Chicago’s Big Ten Team. Yes, we do exist. Being a White Sox, Bears and Wildcats fan, I live an awful life as a sports fan. That’s neither here nor there though…

Anyways, though Nebby has only been in the conference for a short time, I feel like the two schools are developing a decent little rivalry right now. Each game has been a complete and total nail biter, save for a 21point victory for Nebraska in 2014. In the other 4 contests, the average margin of victory was a miniscule 2.25 ppg. Like I said, nail biters.

For the sake of keeping this preview short and sweet, I won’t break down each previous contest, just outline the scores showing exactly how close these two teams have played each other the last 5 years:

2011: Northwestern tops 10th ranked Nebby 28-25 in the B1G first meeting between the two.

2012: Nebby tops NU 29-28 in Evanston

2013: Nebby tops NU 27-24 on a Hail Mary with 4 seconds left. I legitimately thought about tying myself to cinder blocks and jumping into the Lake Michigan

Because I’m a masochist and I’m writing a guest preview, here’s the video for you pricks.

2014: Nebby stomps NU 38-17

2015: NU beats UNL 30-28 in Lincoln

Anyways, here’s what UNL fans need to know about Northwestern.

What to watch for when NU has the ball:

Best players: RB Justin Jackson, WR Austin Carr, QB Clayton Thorson

Well, the offense kinda stinks. And by kinda stinks I mean it totally blows and other than Justin Jackson, no one is above average. There isn’t necessarily a lack of “talent” on the offensive side of the ball, either, as there are 4 star, nationally renown recruits at both QB, RB, and TE. But the Northwestern offensive scheme flat out sucks, the offensive line is garbage, and the wide receiving core is probably the worst in the B1G. RB Justin Jackson is a stud, and will wind up as NU’s all time leading rusher should he stay healthy, but if he can’t develop a rhythm behind NU’s porous offensive line, then the Cats will be in extreme amounts of trouble against UNL.

If Jackson can get a ground game going for NU, it should hopefully open up the defensive enough where Thorson can throw the ball down field and move chains.

Keyword there: hopefully. Other than against a brutal Duke team, that hasn’t happened yet.

What to watch for when Nebraska has the ball:

Best players: MLB Anthony Walker, S Godwin Igwebuike, DL Tyler Lancaster

NU defense hasn’t been great so far and it was supposed to be totally lockdown this year. If it weren’t for injuries, there would be multiple draft picks suiting up in every level of the defense against Nebby this week, however only one is: MLB Anthony Walker.

Anthony Walker was 1st team all B1G in 2015, 3rd team All American, and named to every preseason “watch” list for defensive players and a future high round NFL draft pick… but he hasn’t been great so far. It was recently disclosed that he had a knee injury that held him out of preseason camp for 2 weeks and that he wasn’t quite in game shape until last week, so he’s got the benefit of the doubt as of now, but he HAS to be the best player on the field when NU is on D for them to stand a chance this week.

NU’s defensive backfield is riddled with injuries right now, as their 2nd best defensive player and future NFL draft pick DB Matt Harris is out with a concussion, S Kyle Queiro has a shoulder injury and another starting CB, Keith Watkins, was lost for the year with an ACL. They have good depth in the defensive backfield, however, and depth that has legit starting B1G talent, so there’s not toooo much too worry about there. They just need to do a better job of getting off the field on 3rd down.

Special Teams:

Nobody cares about special teams, but Northwestern’s kicker has won like 4 games with last second field goals, he just can’t make them when there isn’t any pressure on him.

Game prediction:

It’s gonna be like a home game for Big Red and the atmosphere in Evanston will be electric, so I think the defense [Editor’s note: That’s really clever that you call that long ass grass “the defense.”] slows down UNL and the NU offense does just enough to win. Oh, and NU will have a pick 6 for a score after that BUM Tommy Frazier throws a ball off his back foot into double coverage. Ultimately, that will be the difference in this game

Cats 24

Huskers 21

Book it.

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College Football, Huskers

Second Earthquake Strikes Lincoln

On September 3rd, at approximately 7:02 am, an earthquake struck Oklahoma and was felt all the way in Lincoln, Nebraska.

Then, on September 17th, at approximately 2:41pm, another earthquake struck. This time, in Lincoln. A new fault line has been detected directly under Memorial Stadium.

Or at least, that’s what it felt like.

It’s been a long time since the energy reached that level in the 3rd largest town in Nebraska on gameday. At times the stadium was actually shaking, it was so loud the woman in front of me kept covering her ears (sorry lady, but I wasn’t about to stop screaming because you forgot your earplugs). Not even the man behind me going off on a 20 minute tangent about the zone read or the lady crushing my legs with her dumbass reclining plastic seat cushion could ruin my gameday.

Saturday was just what the Huskers needed. It seems that the entire team has bought into Mike Riley’s program and it’s really fun to watch. They just never give up. From DPE being back (hell YES, he is one of my favorite players to watch), to Ozigbo proving he is the number one back, to the D getting those big stops, Westerkamp catching anything that comes his way, and Tommy being the most durable player that I have ever seen, it was fun as hell to watch. I’m not saying there weren’t times where I wanted to sit down and close my eyes, because there were. After last season, it’s hard to watch a close game, but it’s nice to see the team has more confidence and bravery than I do.

https://youtu.be/HtKXFJIIlZc

The tailgates were in prime form. I first went to a tailgate east of the stadium in the horseshoe thanks to an invitation from Todd’s brother, Troy. It was completely catered and had bartenders. That’s how you do it, invite a bunch of strangers over and serve them alcohol. The basics of tailgating. I didn’t get a picture of it because I was sort of preoccupied by drinking somebody else’s free alcohol.

Post victory we headed to the Champions Club where my friend’s family had the best celebration happening in Lincoln. Anywhere with beer, food, a TV, and a place to sit outside the stadium is going to be a pretty ideal situation.

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parkinglot
Also, if you were at the game on Saturday, go find yourself in the Gigapixel panoramic photo that was taken during the game. Then, if you have nothing else going on in your life,  you can tag your face with a big red N.

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Onto the Next One

The upcoming Northwestern game brings the start of conference play. I hate Northwestern just about as much as a person can hate a team for no real reason. Quite frankly, a team that is 1-2 doesn’t even deserve my time. But I will be there, and so will thousands of other Husker fans because we travel to Evanston better than people who live in Chicago travel to Evanston (Sad!).

Have you even seen that disgusting dump known as Ryan Field? It’s a field of potholes with some grass accidentally growing in between. Somebody is going to get injured out there and I’m going to write the NCAA a sternly worded letter wondering why they don’t do something about that disgraceful junk pile that moonlights as a stadium. Those nerds over at Northwestern can’t figure out how to even out their field and grow some grass at a reasonable length? Whatever. The good news is that we can all focus on the real beauty on the field that day: the only alternate uniforms I have ever liked.

RIP Northwestern
RIP Northwestern

Hoping Tommy gets a lot of rest this week and drinks a lot of pickle juice. I heard Caleb Lightbourn say that this last week he tried to prepare for the game more by sticking to more of a routine before gameday. Well, it looked like it worked to me, he improved by about a million percent. So get back to that routine. Doesn’t sound like they are sure about Brandon Reilly returning just yet but he should be back to full-speed soon. I had a dream that Westy got hurt so hopefully I’m zero percent psychic.

I would go into more detail about Northwestern’s team but I don’t want to waste your time talking about a 1-2 team. We all have better things to do than that. Plus, apparently some Northwestern fan is doing a guest blog for us. So keep an eye out for that, or don’t.

If you or anyone else is making the trip, there’s a Husker bar called Kirkwood that fans are meeting up at earlier on Saturday, followed a trip to the stadium and some tailgate crashing. It looks like there is a big Nebraska tailgate as well. Here is the info. Hopefully we will see some of you there and watch the Huskers move onto a 4-0 start to the season and their first conference win.

P.S. Never Forget.

 

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