All posts by Todd Munson

Monday Rage: Who Woke Up Angry About Miami?

Welcome to the first installment of Monday Rage for 2015.

We wish we didn’t have to pull this feature out at all this season but as we did more than a few times last year, every Monday we’ll provide a snapshot into the mood and ever so fragile psyche of Husker Nation on the off chance they lose a game.  (Note: BYU was such an aberration, it did not deserve the Monday Rage treatment.)

Thanks to Twitter, conducting this research is all too easy. Our only ground rule is only the freshest tweets will be highlighted, there’s no dipping back into Sunday when the wounds of a Husker loss were still fresh. Nope, we want fans to have time for things to cool off and scab over.

Good times.

Before we dive in, we’d like to introduce a new feature we’re calling Mike Riley’s Balloon Watch.

This is Mike Riley and his balloon at the start of the season.

Mike Riley Happy Balloon

This is Mike Riley and his balloon following the Miami game.

MikeRiley Sad Balloon

Will Mike’s balloon be back to full strength following the Southern Miss game? Let’s hope so. Our Photoshop skills are extremely marginal at best.

ON WITH THE TWEETS!

Look at that positivity. Way to kick things off on the right note, @DellthDude.

*be

Amazing.

Brilliant use of the rage emoji to spell Bo. WHY HAVEN’T WE SEEN THIS UNTIL NOW?

Apparently it doesn’t count as a “red zone trip” if you catch the ball outside of the red zone and truck on through it for a touchdown.

Why turn to your therapist for life’s important questions when you can tweet a couple dudes with a sports talk show?

We like Kevin’s style.

Nailed it. And thank you dear reader(s) for clicking on this story.

Overall, we’d that that the psyche of Husker Nation is holding strong at the moment. We’ll see how it does as the season progresses or (heaven forbid) regresses.

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Sunday Morning Hot Takes: Miami Edition

Welcome to another edition of Sunday Morning Hot Takes!

Holy schnikes. Who would have predicted that Mike Riley era would have spiraled into high drama just three games into his first season?

We’ve got a lot of ground to cover so let’s get to the hot takes.

ALEX LEWIS: Went on a Facebook/Twitter rampage this morning.

Um… dude… just put on your hater blockers and don’t worry about what the eggs are saying. And really people, just save yourself the drama and temptation to be a jackass and don’t follow players on social media.

POP QUIZ: What’s worse than watching your favorite team lose?

Watching your two favorite teams lose in one day.

I still have mixed feeling about what I did  (and feel free to question the status of my Nebraskan citizenship) but with the Huskers trailing 33 – 10 in the fourth quarter, I decided to jump ship and head to the Dodger game. Clayton Kershaw was pitching and the prospect of snagging a seat above the bullpen to watch him warm up was a lot more appealing than continuing to watch what was spiraling down the drain in Miami.

(For the record, I did listen to the game the rest of the way and suffered the embarrassment of getting busted screaming in public when the Huskers tied it up.)

Clayton Kershaw
Clayton Kershaw gets ready to go to work.

All in I spent a total of 7 hours watching my two favorite teams lose. Still, it was not a bad way to spend a Saturday.

If anyone needs to be blamed for the Huskers’ loss let’s blame the Captain America of Hollywood Blvd. With our Californians for Nebraska watch site a mere three blocks from the Hollywood Blvd freak show, I thought it’d be fun recurring gag to have characters model our score prediction every week.

Hollywood Blvd Captain America

The only rule I set for doing this is I have to go with the first character with whom I cross paths. Yesterday, it was a dead heat between Cap and Chewbacca. I rolled the dice on Cap thinking he’d be the lesser of the two crazies.

Boy was I wrong.

Before we got started, I explained to Cap what he needed to do (stand there, wear a hat) and handed him five bucks (a nice bump from the standard buck a photo). Cap then proceeded to art direct our photo shoot and when we wrapped, he asked me for another five because his charges ten a photo. FYI: It is illegal for the characters to name a price. Besides, the dude made five bucks in 30 seconds so F-him in the pie hole.

EXCUSES: Let’s stop making them. Even if Bo did his grocery shopping at the 99 Cent Store, Division I athletes are Division I athletes. Yes, it can take time to learn new plays and schemes but it isn’t like these guys are suddenly playing a whole new sport.

Congrats to Caneshades. There’s nothing we can do but tip our cap and stand by the road and cheer as the winners go by.

Dirk Chatelain threw pretty some serious shade in the Huskers’ general direction in his post game story:

Truth is, Nebraska is lacking talent and/or depth in key areas. Defensive end. Linebacker. Cornerback. Offensive line. Wide receiver. Running back. Tight end. OK, lots of key areas.

Pelini didn’t recruit well the past few years. And Riley’s staff hasn’t maximized what they have, especially on defense. Bad combination.

And Dirk even dropped a “my goodness” in there so you know he means business.

THE BEST FANS IN ALL OF COLLEGE FOOTBALL: Are sad Alabama fans.

Make yourself feel less worse by relishing in the glorious misery of others. And if you need moar, here’s a great gallery from SB Nation (h/t @joejanecek)

TOP HUSKER TWEETS FROM PEOPLE YOU AREN’T ALREADY FOLLOWING:  C’mon, Hail Varsity. Let’s try to branch out a little next time. There’s some gold to be found on twitter from people who aren’t Gabrielle Union.

FINALLY: Still haven’t checked in with the buddy in question but if I don’t hear from him by this afternoon I will send out a search party.

 

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Your Nebraska vs Miami Pep Talk

This year’s edition of the Nebraska vs Miami really seems to have lost its luster, hasn’t it?

There’s been nary a bit of smack talk out of Florida, unless you want to count CaneShades‘ meltdown as smack talk.

Heck, not even Miami’s players have done anything to warrant bulletin board material. Remember last year when they stooped to harassing Jordan Westerkamp over Instagram?

I’ll be the first to admit this year’s match up of two historic rivals has as much hype as a 38 Special and REO Speedwagon double bill on a Thursday night at the Hall County Fair.

But you know what?

I woke up this morning and realized that IT’S FLIPPING GAME DAY AGAINST MIAMI!!!

Who cares if one team is rebuilding and the other is treading water in the deep end of the ACC?

IT’S NEBRASKA VS MIAMI!!!

As soon as the game kicks off, nobody watching is going to care that it’s being played at mid-day instead of under the prime time lights.

This is Miami’s chance for some Husker get back and it’s the Huskers chance to show they’re heading back in the right direction where they belong in the top 25.

Look, the BYU game was an aberration. At this point just consider it a glorified dress rehearsal where, despite all the hiccups, the Huskers came up one second short.

South Alabama gave a us a glimpse of what Mike Riley’s Huskers just might be capable of.

Now they’re in Miami with a mostly full squad (can’t wait to see you back DPE and Beastmasterit’s time for Mike Riley to show the world that he and his Huskers mean business.

It’s time for Tommy to be turned loose like Tommie.

It’s time for the Fullback Trap to make a comeback.

In other words, IT’S TIME TO KICK SOME HURRICANE ASS.


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I Was the Cheese in a Peter Brothers Sandwich

With a tale as improbable as one that finds yourself trapped between nearly 600 pounds of caged fury known as the Peter Brothers, you just can’t start with “That one time…”

It needs some proper backstory. So let’s set the table.

Twenty years ago today, the Huskers played their home opener against Arizona State. 77,418 fans packed in to Memorial Stadium to witness the carnage as the Huskers piled up 686 yards of total offense en route to a 77-28 victory that was nowhere near as close as the final score indicated. Nebraska went to the locker room at halftime up 63-21.

After starting their season on the road against Oklahoma State and a Nick Saban coached Michigan State, it was a much needed welcome home for the Big Red. Following their 50 – 10 blowout in East Lansing, running back Lawrence Phillips was arrested for assaulting his former girlfriend which turned out to be his first major step on a long and winding road that would end in prison. Nebraska didn’t miss Phillips’ absence in the backfield as Clinton Childs and true freshman Ahman Green each racked up over 100 yards rushing and combined for three touchdowns.

While they didn’t make much of a ripple at the time, players of note that day for the Sun Devils were quarterback Jake Plummer, wide receiver Isaiah Mustafa (you might know him best as the Old Spice Guy), and linebacker Pat Tillman.

Also in attendance that day was this guy. I was working my very first game as a Sports Director for 90.3 KRNU.

If you’ve never caught the signal around Lincoln or listened online (hello, future!), KRNU is the official radio station of UNL that’s run by broadcasting students under the very patient guidance of legendary professor Rick Alloway.

To give students the experience of working at a “real” radio station, KRNU’s programming back then was a little bit of everything and on fall Saturdays it wasn’t uncommon for the station to segue from playing the likes of Mercy Rule and Throwing Muses to becoming the Mighty Sports 90 for a few hours.

Being a Sports Director was one of two prestigious positions at the station. While the Music Directors were plied with free CDs and concert tickets, our perks were rectangles of card stock and an elastic string known as the press pass.

To this day, it boggles me how much access the Athletic Department and Journalism School gives to its students. Even with the Huskers in the midst of the greatest run college football has ever known, us dopey kids were treated the same as the rest of the working media all the way down to having our own booth atop the press box, which back then wasn’t the sleek, shining jewel that you see today.

Our little cube of Memorial Stadium real estate wasn’t much more than a tree house built from plywood and corrugated metal that would be right at home in the Diepsloot area of Johannesburg. Couple the lack of structural integrity with a lack of windows and we’d either swelter or shiver our way through broadcasts.

But we never complained. We got to talk Husker football and watch the best team in history from an incredible vantage point just barely to the right of the 50-yard-line. Lunch (plus dessert at halftime) was a catered affair and if you weren’t on the mic for a game broadcast, you’d watch the finish from the sidelines so you could get a head start on getting set up for recording the post-game press conference as part of our duties for the Huskers Sports Service.

Husker Sports Service… sounds impressive doesn’t it?

To help media from around the country gain access to sound bites, the “Husker Sports Service” would make selected clips available, not for downloading but recording, as in with a tape player. Don’t forget, the internet was still a novelty back then.

After recording a press conference, we’d use state-of-the-art Audio Wizard software to chop up a few choice soundbites from coaches and players that we’d then transfer onto Fidelipacs which would then be plugged into a refrigerator sized machine that was connected to the Husker Hotline, a series of telephone numbers that media could dial-in to and record sound bites to use for their own radio shows.

Basically, it was a lot of work to do what could be handled with an iPhone and a Twitter account today.

A few minutes after the Huskers and Sun Devils left the field, Coach Osborne opened the press conference with a story about Kenny Cheatham blaming his muffed punt return on a nasty case of pink eye that was affecting his vision. He got a lot of laughs and was off and running. One thing TO never gets enough credit for is just how funny he is.

Since we were just there to record the thing, we’d usually hang in the back and let the big dogs in the “real media” like Tom Shatel, Lee Barfknecht, and a young gun named Steve Sipple ask the questions. We knew it was a privilege to be in the same room so we always did our best to not draw unnecessary attention to ourselves.

I found a spot on a couch in the back and soaked up the excitement of being at my first press conference. I guess that’s why I didn’t notice the eclipse until it was too late.

If you’ve ever watched a shark attack survivor tell their tale during Shark Week, many of them will say the only warning was how the  water around them suddenly shifted a split second before a shark clamped down.

So there I was, on that couch minding my own business when my field of vision suddenly went dark. I looked up and saw the silhouette of something massive blocking out a stand up light. It pointed towards me and promptly plopped down on the open space to my right.

Holy shit.

It was Jason Peter. Before I could even process what was happening, his big brother Christian claimed the seat to my left.

They were both still wearing their uniform pants and were completely drenched in sweat and blood in varying states of dryness. Base layers didn’t exist back then so they both wore chopped up grey cotton t-shirts that had soaked to a few shades darker.

They were two of the biggest humans I had ever seen. They didn’t say word. They just snarled, rumbled, and shook as if they were getting ready to play a fifth quarter.

Meanwhile, I just hoped they didn’t notice the wet spot forming in the crotchal region of my brand new Eddie Bauer khakis. My first day on my job was going to be my last because two of the baddest dudes to ever wear Blackshirts were going to eat me.

There was no way I was going to survive this.

I was more terrified than Ripley was when she met the alien in Aliens 3 except I had two beasts breathing down my neck. I just tried my best not to twitch and wondered where I went so wrong in my soon-be-over 19 year-old life that I found myself sitting in the Daisy Duke seat sandwiched between a pair of future NFL players.

The closest thing to social media back in 1995 was the phone book. All you knew about a Husker player was what you saw on the field or after the game. In the case of the Peter Brothers, they murdered the opposition and then they talked about how they carried out those murders. That’s all that the world knew about those guys. There were no Instagram or Twitter accounts to show off their fun loving, “just like us” side off the field. What you saw was all you got.

And I was going to be disemboweled if I didn’t take decisive action. Getting locked in the pen with the bulls after the rodeo was no place to be for a 175 pounder who lettered in tennis.

I summoned all the courage I could and somehow the words fell out of my mouth with a semblance of order and as little fear as possible.

“You guys played a really good game out there. Really kicked some ass.”

I looked at Christian. He didn’t say a word but nodded his approval at my statement. Before I could even glance over at Jason, I heard a growl that sounded a lot like “Thanks, man.”

And that was my window of daylight to make an escape.

I gotta go check my tapes,” I announced to no one as I stood from the couch. Realizing my pants were miraculously still dry, I looked back towards my new friends and said, “You guys can spread out if you want. I don’t think I’ll be coming back.

The didn’t need my permission. The sliver of space I once occupied was already long gone.

https://youtu.be/n6MizU0nIU4

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Dirkonomics: The Evolution of How Tickets Are Sold

Hey, man. You still driving in to Houston in the morning to get those Aerosmith tickets? – Randall Pink Floyd, Dazed and Confused.

What can really be said? Another week, another gem from Dirk Chatelain that just has to include a swipe at the Huskers. In what was an otherwise tightly crafted look into the dying breed known as the ticket scalper, Dirk takes Joey from Kansas City’s assessment that Husker ticket sales are slumping because in 2015 Joey from Kansas City is having trouble selling tickets while standing on a bridge outside Memorial Stadium.

Dirk, low demand is when a top ten team resorts to selling tickets for half price via a discount site over a month before their season opener.

USC GOLDSTAR79,809 people turned out for USC’s season opener against Arkansas State. LA Memorial Coliseum has a capacity of 93,607.

Before we dive in to today’s little history lesson, let’s take a closer look at how Joey from Kansas City spent his game day that “made” him $800 in a few short hours. To get to and from Memorial Stadium he had to incur the time and expense of driving three hours each way. Factoring that overhead, his hourly rate could still potentially be in the $75 range but then you also have to consider that he probably didn’t work much during the week. As Dirk noted, Joey from Kansas City has been scalping Husker tickets since the 80s so he probably isn’t one for holding down a regular job.

Here’s the deal: In 2015, if your best option for purchasing a ticket to an event is by conducting business with a borderline low level criminal hanging around outside of said event, you either can’t plan your way out of a paper bag or actually attending the event isn’t really all that high on your list of your day’s priorities. There are no other reasons why you should be buying a ticket from a scalper on the street.

The Evolution of How Tickets Are Sold

July 1996: The History of Rock is offered as a class at UNL for the first time over the summer. My roommate and I threw our GPAs to the wind and signed up. Much to our delight, extra credit could be earned by attending concerts so we decided to go see KISS blow the roof off Kemper Arena down in Kansas City. Our search for tickets started and ended by browsing the classified ads in the Lincoln Journal Star. Lucky for us, a pair of tickets was up for sale. Turns out a dude won tickets AND a seat on The Blaze (on 106.3 back then) party bus and no longer needed his tickets. He told us all about it as he kept us trapped in his basement apartment that was filled with snakes.

Dirk Logic: Newspaper advertising revenue has fallen off a cliff in the 21st century. Therefore, people must have stopped exchanging goods and services.
Newspaper Advertising Revenue

October 1996: KISS (to the surprise of no one who knows that money is Gene Simmons’ favorite thing in the world) adds more dates to their reunion tour including a stop in Omaha. I stand in a line for Ticketmaster for two hours that stretched from the front door of the Homer’s Music at 14th & O all the way down the block and around the corner past the Walgreen’s at 13th street. Back in 1996, there were nearly as many record stores in downtown Lincoln as there were bagel shops, keep in mind there was one block in downtown that had FOUR bagel shops.

Dirk Logic: The once mighty Homer’s franchise is down to a single location found in Omaha’s Old Market. Therefore, people must have stopped purchasing music.

April 13, 2005: The day after Opening Day at Dodger Stadium. I take the girl I’m seeing to our first Dodger game together and introduce her to the shady underworld of parking lot ticket sales. After some cunning haggling that could hang in the Burrabazar and playing the army of scalpers off each other (and missing the top of the first) I score a pair of seats behind home plate for only $40 each, which at the time was probably 90% of my net worth.

Dirk Logic: An entire army of scalpers? Dodger tickets must be the hottest ticket in town! (For the record, the 2005 Dodgers had their second worst season in their history as the LA Dodgers.)

March 30, 2013: After getting my childhood kicked in the nuts by subjecting myself to watching GI Joe: Retaliation, I realize I still have two hours worth of free parking to burn so I hike a block from the theater over to Staples Center to see if I can score a ticket to the Elite Eight game between Wichita State and Ohio State that tipped off right as the movie ended. Within a minute of trying, I exchange the $18 (a fair price to watch Ohio State lose in any sport) that was in my pocket for a nosebleed seat with a face value of $90. Immediately after the close of my sale, a frantic Ohio State fan ran up and said she’d pay $50 for anything that would get her in the door. I felt so bad at her lack of haggling skills, that I used some of the money I “saved” to buy her a beer since her seat ended up being next to mine.

Dirk Logic: March Madness has clearly lost its luster and should be canceled.

August 2014: Sir Paul McCartney is playing his first concert at Dodger Stadium since the Beatles played their second-to-last concert there back in 1964. Somehow or another, I got an email for an “exclusive pre-sale.” I bought a pair of tickets plus an extra pair to flip on Stub Hub. Within 24 hours they were gone and I had finagled going to see Sir Paul for free.

Dirk Logic: If it ain’t The Boss who cares?

December 13, 2014: Our tickets to the Dodgers’ Opening Day game against the San Diego Padres on 4/6/15 sell for $299.99, netting $269.99 after StubHub’s cut. With our season tickets running $16 each (face value $43) that means we notched a 743.72% mark up and some lucky duck got Opening Day tickets for Christmas.

Dirk Logic: Dodger Opening Day tickets are more valuable than shares of Berkshire Hathaway and Apple COMBINED.

June 2015: The girl from 2005 who has now been my wife for five years and I are walking into Dodger Stadium when one of the few remaining scalpers asks us if we need tickets. After telling him we’re good, he replies “Man, whatever happened to couples needing tickets? You people just plan to much these days.

Dirk Logic: Wait a minute… if the army of ticket scalpers at Dodger Stadium has all but disbanded, how can tickets really be in-demand? This makes no sense.  (The Dodgers have led MLB in attendance since the 2013 season, averaging over 46,000 people per game.)

September 5, 2015: Last Sunday morning while getting a latte at my local coffee shop, I asked the barista, who I’ve seen at least three times a week for the last decade, if he’d like to use our Dodger tickets sometime before the season ends. In the amount of time that it took for him to concoct my beverage, we sorted out a date that worked and I texted him a pair of tickets.

Dirk Logic: What is this voodoo magic?

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Sunday Morning Hot Takes: South Alabama Edition

So that’s what a Mike Riley rushing attack looks like, eh? The Huskers racked up 258 yards on ground en route to rolling South Alabama 48 – 9 and we rounded up some hot takes.

Let’s get to ’em.

Our prediction:

Hey, we weren’t too far off…

THIS WAS THE PERFECT REBOUND GAME: The Huskers came out playing good ol’ smashmouth football. It was a glorious sight to see that had to have the blue hairs peeling off their oxygen masks to breathe a collective sigh of relief. The loss against BYU seemed to stick in the Huskers’ craw and as long is they didn’t vent all their frustrations on South Alabama, they should be in a good spot for next week’s dance with the Miami Hurricanes. They’ve proved they can run with a solid team out of the gate in BYU, they’ve been punched in the mouth (thanks, BYU) and now, most of the kinks have been ironed out on both sides of the ball. We should get our first real glimpse of this team’s potential next week.

MIKE RILEY: Did you see him sharing a laugh with an official? The fact that he was wearing a grey hoodie and khakis made the scene even more surreal. Could that have been next level trolling?

TOMMY ARMSTRONG:

Another week, another killer block by Nebraska’s QB. Tommy went 21 for 30 (67%) for 270 yards and a pair of touchdowns. To the best of my recollection, he only threw one WTF pass, an absolute slingshot that missed its wide open target by a good ten yards. Tommy only rushed twice for a grand total of four yards. His lack of rushing was probably an intentional plan to keep him safe but his wheels could be a difference maker next Saturday.

TERRELL NEWBY: More like Terrell Salty Veteran, am I right? 28 carries, 198 yards, 3 TDs. Not too shabby of a way to finally get that long awaited breakout game for the junior from Los Angeles. After the first two games of the season, Newby stands at 231 yards rushing. His freshman and sophomore seasons were virtually identical with him rushing for 298 and 297 yards respectively. Will one semi-redonkulous game be enough of a swagger boost before heading down to Miami?

JAMAL TURNER: After his incomplete pass, he didn’t make an appearance until it was the Fyfe Show. Is the ninth year senior sliding down the depth chart?

30/32: The Huskers’ longest passing and rushing plays on the night. While a slight bump up  from last week, the offense isn’t exactly becoming The Langsdorf Explosion.

THE BLACKSHIRTS: Nate Gerry stretched his interception streak to two games. There were a couple sacks, a beastly forced fumble when South Alabama was backed up against their own end zone, and defense came up Millhouse when South Alabama kept going for it on fourth down. Now, if only they could only work on that whole getting-torched-on-the-deep-ball thing. That could pose trouble next week against Miami. That fool at they have a QB can chuck it, remember?

ROOT FOR BYU: Tanner Mangum pulled ANOTHER miracle out of his behind against Boise State, chuckling a wobbly duck for a touchdown on fourth and long with under a minute to play and down three. The Cougars then iced the game with a pick six on Boise State’s first play on the ensuing drive to put the final score at 35 – 24. The Coug’s next two games are on the road against UCLA and Michigan. If they keep running the table, it will make the Huskers’ loss look (and maybe feel) a little less worse.

EX-BOFRIEND UPDATE: Like Mike, Bo notched his first win tonight in an overtime victory against Robert Morris. You’d think the Penguins could have won in regulation considering they were playing against one lone dude. Hope Mr. Morris recovers quickly.

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Ten Things to Know About The South Alabama Jaguars

10. 1963 – The year the University of South Alabama (USA, USA, USA) was established.

9. 2009 – The inaugural season for the South Alabama Jaguars football team. They finished 7-0, playing a slate of home games against military prep academies.

8. 2014 – The first season South Alabama qualified for a bowl game. They posted a 6 – 7 regular season record (5 – 3 in the Sun Belt Conference, good enough for 6th place) and faced Bowling Green in the Camellia Bowl, which turned out to have a wild finish. The Falcons had to fight off a 4th quarter rally by the Jaguars before locking up a 33 – 28 victory.

Joey Jones got kicked in the face at the Camellia Bowl and kept on coachin’.

7. 6 years – If you’re too lazy to do the math or make the connection between the previous two facts, South Alabama went from absolute zero to a bowl game by its sixth season which pretty much means that Jaguars coach Joey Jones is like the ultimate Tim Miles but instead of inheriting a mid-level team and a sweet new arena,  he built his program from flippin’ scratch.

6. $60 – Three Andrew Jacksons will get you a SEASON TICKET in the end zone at Ladd-Peebles Stadium for South Alabama’s entire home schedule. You may have seen Ladd-Peebles Stadium in the news recently when Donald Trump held a rally there resulting in this glorious, glorious photo.

Crazy Lady at Trump Rally

5. Number 5While South Alabama might not be long on tradition, the tradition of who wears number 5 is one that any football fan can respect. Each year, Coach Jones selects a senior to wear number 5 in memory of running back Anthony Mostella who died in a motorcycle accident at age 22 in 2010. This year’s number 5 is running back Terrance Timmons, a 5’7″ 180lb speedster who broke off a 49 yard run last week against Gardner-Webb.

4. 17,444 – The average attendance for a Jaguars home game last season including a season high 38,129 who turned up when South Alabama hosted Mississippi State (who was unranked at the time.) And while we’re here, we might as well point out that the largest crown South Alabama ever played in front of was 87,266 on the road against Tennessee in 2013.

3. Xavier Johnson – The redshirt sophomore running back could very well be South Alabama’s X-Factor (zing!) this season. Last week he made the most of Joey Jones’ game time decision to name him starter. He broke off a school record 92 yard touchdown run and added a 56 yard touchdown run for good measure.

2. Spread offense – Depending on who you believe, South Alabama’s spread offense could give Mark Banker’s Blackshirts a hard time or be right in his wheelhouse.

1. One – As in the number of starters the Jaguars return on defense. South Alabama operates out of a 4-2-5 base defense (what TCU runs) which can be help level the field for inexperienced defensive units. If the Huskers want to get their running game figured out, the Jaguars could provide a great test.

 

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Why the Huskers’ Loss Can Be a Good Thing

I love winning. It’s like better than losing. You know what I’m sayin?
– Ebby Calvin “Nuke” LaLoosh.

Half a week later, the sting of the BYU’s Hail Mary (or Hail Joseph Smith) still reverberates down the spine of any Husker fan. It is a loss that can’t be forgotten soon enough but it’s one that won’t be.

The last time the Huskers dropped a season opener at home, most of the team was still a good ten years away from being born. And if you want to feel even older, many of the player’s parents were still kids themselves  back in 1985.

Exactly 60 minutes into the first game of the Mike Riley era, one of the two last great Husker streaks was broken so quickly that it didn’t seem at all real.

BYU’s final dagger from 42 yards out was like in a Kung Fu movie when someone is killed so quickly they don’t realize they’re dead. It was Hanzo Sword straight through the heart of the Big Red faithful.

At our watch site, hope lasted until the replays confirmed everyone’s most unthinkable fear. Instantly, our spirits plummeted faster than Wile E. Coyote once he looks down and realizes he stepped off a cliff.

After a game that bordered on perfection (as much as a season opener with a new staff and scheme could be perfect ) for 59:59, that final second reality check may be just what the Huskers needed in order to make this season a success.

Don’t consider the gut punch from the football gods a cosmic smiting of all that is considered holy with Husker Nation. Yes, winning 30 consecutive home openers would have been a nice notch in the belt but how many of those victories were anything more than a pack of wolves feasting on lambs?

The role reversal of the hunter becoming the hunted can be a great motivator for the team and staff. While it’d be great to see the Huskers march into Miami with a bounce in their step and a perfect record, a chip on their collective shoulders and gravel in their guts and spit in their eyes can be what carries this team through the entire season.

These guys are all now coldly aware that they can be beaten at any time and how they respond to that will shape how the season plays out.

Make sure you’re buckled up tight. There’s only one game down and at least 11 more to go. It’s going to be a heck of a ride no matter what.

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Sunday Morning Hot Takes: BYU Edition

Welcome to our first edition of Sunday Morning Hot Takes where we’ll be delivering a fresh, steaming pile of hot takes following every Husker game.

So… how ’bout that BYU game?

If you’re reading this, congratulations on making it through the night to see another sunrise. I haven’t yet ventured outside but I’ll go out on a limb and say that the sun has kept its 4.5 billion year streak of being where it’s supposed to be going for a least one more day.

Granted, that final second of regulation ended with as much shock and horror as seeing an animal shelter get napalmed but we can get through this Husker Nation.

It’s a long season. There will be peaks. There will valleys. And there’s a pretty damn good chance that 90,000 fans will not get their hearts ripped out on the final play of a game at Memorial Stadium for a long, long time. (Or at least a few weeks.)

Mola Ram BYU
Who knew Mola Ram was a BYU fan?

Before we dive into the hot takes, we must first drop the worst humble brag ever. In our interview with former BYU linebacker Austen Jorgensen, there was a little nugget where he absolutely nailed the outcome of the game.

Austen Jorgensen Prediction

ON WITH THE HOT TAKES!

Mike Riley: Two things are clearly apparent: 1) He does not rattle under pressure and he certainly had his fair share on Saturday. One can only imagine he keeps a screaming chamber in his basement.

MeditationChamber-ESB
A visualization of Mike Riley’s top secret screaming chamber.

2) Even at 62-years-old, his heart his clearly in tip top shape. Yes, he slumped over when the refs signaled touchdown but he walked off the field under his own power. Even as cold blooded as he is, Bill Snyder would not have survived that ending.

Coach Riley’s calmness must be contagious because it even carried over to Husker Twitter. These tweets were from when things weren’t exactly going right.

Behold the calmness and rational thoughts!

Tommy Armstrong: Holy crap did he look sharp. Yes, he had a few low points (and one crazy pass that gave Husker Nation a T-Magic flashback) but overall he clearly bought into what Danny Langsdorf is selling. Our DVR mercifully stopped recording with 8 minutes left in the fourth quarter but his pass to Brandon Reilly the final time the Huskers had the ball was a sight to behold and his best pass of the game. He put the ball exactly where it needed to go. Tommy just needs to remember he has a pretty fast set of wheels underneath him and be a little quicker when it comes to deciding to tuck the ball and run.

Danny Langsdorf: Hey man, the Huskers are kind of known for running the ball. Maybe you could add some more of those plays next week? And that number 32, he’s kind of a beast. Maybe call his number a few more times. Oh, but it was really cool when you mixed up some of the old stuff following Nate Gerry’s interception. Do more of that and Husker fans will love you long time.

Jordan Westerkamp:  Another season opener. Another jaw dropping catch. Say what you will about Adidas, but they at least know how to make a jersey that stays in one piece.

Jordan Westerkamp Catch
The Huskers got their first points on this season on this nice little stretch play. Please, tip your server.

Mark Banker’s Defense: Every time I started writing a stupid tweet (note to self: you can save drafts) that said Mark Banker was an anagram for Kevin Cosgrove, the Blackshirts adjusted and got a stop. They’ll figure out how to stop a Hail Mary eventually. 

Sam Foltz: Best wishes to Thunder Leg for speedy recovery. It was really great to see the Huskers pay tribute to him by not punting and scoring a bunch of points instead for a while there in the second half but how about Tyson Broekemeier stepping up huge when the Huskers truly needed to punt?

Tanner Mangum Granted, he’s a freshman who graduated high school in 2012 but he’s still a freshman playing in his very first game. On the road. At Nebraska. And he walked off Tom Osborne field swinging the biggest pair of stones of the day. Hopefully the BYU equipment team will get him a helmet that fits now that he’s officially a legendary quarterback and switch the letters on his jersey so that his last name magically becomes Magnum. If you’re gonna have eyebrows that look like a pair of Tom Selleck mustaches you might as well play the part. Plus, how sweet would it be if he took the field to the theme from Magnum?

TANNER MAGNUM
Tanner Mangum is 6’3″ but stands 5’3” with the over-sized helmet.

KEEPING IT CLASSY: Thanks to our handy guide to drinkin’ in Lincoln for BYU fans blowing up on BYU Twitter earlier this week, we sort of became unofficial ambassadors of Husker Nation. We’re thrilled to see that Husker fans were living up to their reputation. Good job, everyone.

BYU TWEETS

FINAL NUMBERS:

17: The number of are you still alive? text messages I received from various family and friends in the minutes and hours that followed the game.

6: Points left off the board by missed field goals. Drew Brown will get it back on track. Maybe it’s not too late to get Alex Henery on-board as a volunteer coach?

0: Number of concerned texts I received from my otherwise lovely wife. When I told her about the heartbreaking outcome, she chuckled before saying, “Wait, I thought they always played a high school team so would always won their first game? Did they lose to a high school team?”  She grew up an LSU fan, btw.

38 – 24: Our score prediction as modeled by one of Hollywood Blvd’s Spider-Men. With the Blackshirts holding and the offense rolling, this prediction was lining up to come true.

Spider-man Hollywood Blvd

STUFF THAT’S NEITHER A NUMBER OR A HOT TAKE:

Unsung Hero of the Day: My KMASHI battery. While it may not be as sleek and slender as a ridiculously overpriced Mophie, it’s built like an offensive lineman and will take your mobile device from zero back up to full power many times over on a single charge. I can’t remember the last I even charged the thing but even with one bar it charged my phone twice yesterday. Plus, it has 2 USB ports so you can help out a friend in need. Best $13.99 you can spend.

Hilarious Twitter account you need to follow (especially if you’re also a soccer fan): Throwball for Brits.

Finally, the award for Most Click-Baity Headline of the Day goes to the otherwise rock solid Hail Varsity crew.

The “featured” tweets belong to Faux Pelini, the Huskers, Hunter Radenslaben, Sam McKewon, the Huskers, Dewayne Wade, Tim Miles, Todd McShane, and Ron Kellogg.

I’m sure they’re all thrilled and flattered to see their tweets in virtual print. Next time, try to feature more people like Hunter. Might help your engagement.

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Nick Allen’s Reasons to Be Optimistic About the Huskers

The first game of the Huskers’ season is always a special time full of optimism and hope right up until the moment the first pigskin is launched from the tee into the heavens.

To help ward off any dread that may be sinking in as the hours and minutes tick towards the Huskers’ date with destiny against BYU, we’ve enlisted the assistance of Omaha-based stand up comic Nick Allen. Maybe you saw him on NBC’s Last Comic Standing this summer?

And that accolade (no matter how brief) puts Nick squarely in the position of being the funniest white guy comic living in Nebraska not named Larry the Cable Guy. You can catch Nick in action on September 10th when he headlines the Comedy Underground show at Brewsky’s in Lincoln’s Haymarket.

Take it away Nick…

Guess who’s undefeated baby? The Huskers. Just like they’re supposed to be. New season, new coach, new, new PA announcer. Cue up the Alan Parsons Project. Let’s do this shit.

1) THE BLACKSHIRTS ARE BACK
Right away. Like they should be. Lead by spirit animal Jack Gangwish and a beastly defensive line, NU’s storied defense enters the season with an attitude and intensity backed by decades of tradition.

2) THE PIPELINE
Another backbone of Nebraska tradition is set to rise again. Milt Tenopir has been a regular at practice. Alex Lewis is a bad ass (‘with record’). All championship teams have rap sheets. A pancake breakfast all season long.

3) THE COACHING STAFF
A Head coach with championship pedigree.

mike-riley-bombers-cp-1988
TWO Grey Cups.

Plus, the Huskers now have an actual QB coach (who knows how to properly hold a football).

Tim Beck
Have fun with this guy, Urban.

Eli Manning Danny LangsdorfEli will retire with more rings than Peyton. Just like God intended.

4) STRENGTH COACH MARK PHILIPP

Mark Phillpp
Spontaneous bare-foot deadlift of 400lbs.

5) KEITH WIDEOUTS WILLIAMS

He could suit up if he had to AND he’s not a golf coach!

6) THE GUYS ON THE FIELD

Tommy Armstrong

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oWZzoJJMObM

STUD. End. Of. Story. He’s carried himself like a championship QB since his first snap. This year the big wins follow.

Jordan Westerkamp

Total magician. Usually I despise dudes with novelty mustaches but he gets a pass on that.

Vincent Valentine and Maliek Collins

Collins and Valentine
Wrecking balls.

DPE

DPE
He’s not out the whole season.

Sam Foltz

Thunder Leg
Even though he’s a punter, he could probably beat your ass.

7) EASE OF SCHEDULE
No self-respecting football program should ever be intimidated by the Big Ten West.

8) THE JET SWEEP
If you run it, you should  FINALLY be able to stop it.

9) TOM OSBORNE

Tom Osborne
I was on the same flight as him this spring. That has to mean something, right?

10) UP AND COMERS
According to the coaching staff, a lot of guys are ‘on the come.’ Not sure exactly what that means but it sounds like they’re either on they’re way up or involved in a ‘sticky’ hazing situation. Hopefully they’re rising stars.

11) WHY NOT?
Hey, the Huskers could be pretty good and somebody has to win these games. The past few years they’ve been close. Really close. Shit just fell apart in big games. Sometimes in spectacular fashion but they were ahead in most of those games to begin with. They usually lost one you would have thought they would win too. But they’re close. Plus they’re due. Either way, enjoy it and don’t get too caught up in it.

And if you find yourself screaming at a kid you’d go to jail for buying a beer for– don’t.

GO BIG RED!

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