Where does the time go? Seems like just yesterday that Coach Who Shall Not Be Named 2.0 was dropping C-Bombs on a secret recording and now it’s already the first Spring Game of the Mike Riley era.
Just because I’m going to be a bad Husker fan and skip out on the Spring Game in favor of playing for Team Sons of Steve Garvey in the annual Dodger Blogger Softball Tournament doesn’t mean I can’t make some bold, bold Spring Game predictions.
If you’re reading from a mobile device, put on an oven mitt before scrolling because these are some hot takes.
1. Tommy Armstrong will complete some passes.
2. Tommy Armstrong will not complete some passes.
3. Quarterbacks AJ Bush, Johnny Stanton and Zack Darlington will all flash enough skill to give your annoying friend enough ammo to claim that Armstrong won’t be the starter in 2015.
4. Meanwhile, quarterback Ryker Fyfe will pop up just long enough to make you remember that he’s still on the team. Then again, this could be Ryker’s last stand once Maliek gets turned loose.
5. Five QBs will lead to message board rumblings that one or more will transfer.
6. It will be a record breaking day for the number of fans cheering for a Mike Riley lead team. Riley’s biggest home stadium was San Diego’s Qualcomm Stadium with a capacity of 70,561. More than 65,000 tickets have already been sold for the Spring Game. Even if there isn’t a single walk up, a record will still be set because those 65,000 fans are all cheering for the same team. One of the perks of the Spring Game- no pesky visiting fans.
Now the question is, will the record 80,149 fans that attended Coach Who Shall Not Be Named 2.0’s first Spring Game be topped?
Even if Coach Riley isn’t quite old enough to need Depends, we heartily suggest that he straps-on a set and buckles ’em up tight. That first Tunnel Walk will be a doozy.
7. A sportswriter will say the sky’s the limit for the revamped Huskers in 2015.
8. A sportswriter will say the sky is falling and the revamped Huskers are doomed in 2015.
9. If strength and conditioning coach Mark Phillip hosts a halftime arm rasslin’ contest, he will win.
New rule: Any time Mark Philip is spotted in Lincoln you must yell “This is Sparta!” Then run away as fast as you can.
10. De’Mornay Pierson-El will do something awesome.
11. The Blackshirts will throw the bones like the days of yore.
12. However, too much bone throwing will cause people to fret that the offensive line has some leaky pipes. So please, Huskers, try to find a happy balance and not kick your own asses too bad.
13. Imani Cross will break off a beastly run that will remind everyone that it’s his turn to be in the spotlight.
14. The first offensive play will be a run through the tackles and have the QB under center.
15. The second play from scrimmage will be a COMPLETED deep ball.
16. At least one coach will take the reins of Der Viener Schlinger.
17. A blue hair’s “Sit down. We can’t see through you.” will be in mid-season form.
18. The newly installed jet sweeps will send fans into Wisconsin induced PTSD panic attacks.
19. While it may not run like a well-oiled machine all of the time, the new, “boring” offense will not make anyone miss that guy at Ohio State.
20. Some Huskers will win.
21. Some Huskers will lose.
22. Following the game, all of the coaches will gush about how they’ve never experienced anything quite like a Husker game day before remembering the Spring Game was just a warm up for the real thing. Then they’ll hunker down and really get to work.
Inheriting a program as hallowed as the Huskers is something that doesn’t come around often.
GBR!
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