The Worst of the Worst Tweets to Michael Rose-Ivey

With Michael Rose-Ivy, DaiShon Neal, and Mohamed Barry, joining the silent National Anthem protest happening at stadiums around the country, some of Husker Nation’s finest felt the need to dust off their Twitter accounts and give Rose-Ivy a piece of their minds.

Not that any of them can really afford to be giving brain matter away.

Before belly flopping into the cesspool of the worst of what Husker Nation has to offer, here are a some quick thoughts.

1. What Rose-Ivy, Neal, and Barry did is incredibly courageous. Even if you disagree with their methods, you can still respect their conviction to kneel for what they believe in. These are the kind of guys any team should be proud to have. When was the last time you believed in anything so strongly you were you were willing to deal with fallout of having an opinion that might be far from popular?

2. For those who are surprised that Mike Riley “allowed this to happen” here are two facts: 1) His freshman year at Alabama was 1971, the first year the Crimson Tide had African-American students on its roster.  2) He’s lived in Oregon for most of his life and drove a Prius, of course the hippy is going to allow a protest to take place.

3. That “stand for those who served for your freedoms” argument. A little refresher: The US military was segregated from the War of 1812 up until the Korean War. That’s nearly 140 years of bullshit and just one small sliver of the varying degrees of bullshit African-Americans have had to put up with in this country. Maybe you’d feel a little different about things if your grandfather wasn’t allowed to storm Omaha beach because of the color of his skin? Besides, the vast majority of those who serve do so knowing they are protecting the freedoms of everyone, not just those who they agree with. It’s the American way.

4. Thanks to a police officer who was my Cub Scout den leader and baseball coach for many seasons, I grew up with the belief that cops were among the best of the best and people who could always be trusted. As someone whose adult crimes consist of a trespassing ticket after a late night dip in Lincoln’s Woods Pool during college and a citation for riding my bike while listening to headphones, even I can tell officers have become more aggressive in the last decade. On more than one occasion I’ve been flat out threatened by LAPD officers for offenses as harmful as crossing the street or looking at them too long. I’m not kidding.  Still, the vast majority of officers are great people and I’m proud to have several as friends. But all it takes are a few bad apples to ruin the bunch, like this one, or this one, or this one or this one.

Now that that’s out of the way. Let’s get to the main event. I found these tweets by scrolling through Micheal Rose-Ivey’s mentions all the way back to kickoff of the Northwestern game. I can tell you with good authority that at least 9 out of 10 Husker fans who tweeted to him have shared nothing but encouraging words and support.

And there are these dipshits…

Tylor Poppert
UPDATE: Tylor finally wised up and locked down his account. Good thing screengrabs last forever.

Might as well get the worst of the worst out of the way. This smegma with a Twitter account has yet to delete this sweet meme. If you look at Tylor’s timeline, you’ll see he’s doubling down on everything he says. Please give him my best. He already blocked me for this tweet. When you’re a white guy living in Central Nebraska maybe you should recuse yourself from the national debate about racial relations and let the grown ups talk?

Angela’s entitlement game is stronger than yours. She deserves answers damn it.

You’re one of the few who are experiencing discontent, Bud.

What is it with these a-holes  and their obsession with the c-bomb?

Well, based on everything I’ve heard about Sam being a great teammate I’d say he’d support his fellow teammates. GTFO for even bringing him into this.

Love a good Lol from a white guy. And his hot takes keep on coming.

Maybe Austin should first work on mastering the English language  (or at least understanding the difference between than and then) before dipping his toes into the waters of sociology?

All that’s missing is a Sad!

Look at this timeline and you’ll see he thinks everyone is gay. It’s 2016 @UrDreamsSuck, just come out of the closet already. You’ll be a lot happier.

Um… pretty sure any one of those dudes could rip you in half, Pretty Boy. Also, lets not forget the names Callahan and Pelini.

For the record, Holli is a mental health counselor. Surprisingly, she’s not disappointed in Coach Riley for giving his OK on the protest.

It should be noted that @MarkPatrick1982’s other big concern is if UCLA is moving to the Big 12 based off what someone told him at his son’s football game. This bulb is not the brightest, people.

 

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Sunday Afternoon Hot Takes: Northwestern Edition

While there were a few butt-clenching moments and flashbacks to Northwestern games of yore, the 2016 installment of this young rivalry will probably go down as one of the least memorable games of the season.

And that’s not because the Husker fans who made the trip did their best drink Chicago out of beer.

This Husker team is going on to bigger and better things this season and Ryan Field was just another stop on the way to the next one. While the 24-13 final score wasn’t the flashiest, the Huskers did achieve something quite remarkable en route to the W.

They finally found a way to get out of their own way.

Let’s count the miscues that normally would have spelled certain doom.

  • Two end zone fumbles that took 14 points off the board.
  • A 42 yard touchdown run by Wildcat QB Clayton Thorson. Last year he gashed the Huskers with runs of 68 and 49 yards.
  • A pick six thrown by Tommy. Oh wait. That would-be interception was dropped. Thank you, Wildcat defender.

It was so refreshing to see this team be able to put their mistakes behind them and not snatch defeat from the jaws of victory.  With Illinois coming to Lincoln next week, we’ll find out if these guys really have turned a corner should they find themselves back in an ominous 3rd and 7 situation.

Where I Watched The Game

Thanks to a “borrowed” BTN2GO password I was able to take the game with me and watch from my summer home at Dodger Stadium. With Vin Scully in his final weekend at Chavez Ravine and Clayton Kershaw pitching, the streams of my two favorite teams had to be crossed.

The Huskers (mostly) had this one in the bag by first pitch so I didn’t bother those sitting around us too much. However, I did have one nice Tourette’s moment when Newby fumbled into the end zone while I was standing in line for Dodger Dogs.

It was a little embarrassing but at least it made the line a lot shorter.

Mike Riley’s Balloon Watch

Mike went to Chicago, handled his business, and made some new friends.

Our Score Prediction

A little off on this one but at least Northwestern’s kicking woes made the 19 points we predicted for the Wildcats a distinct possibility. (Our scores are averaged from our pre-season predictions.)Had the Kitties scored another touchdown, there’s a good chance their holder who was upgraded to kicker after the starting kicker (who’s really a baseball player) missed a chip shot and a hit the upright on a PAT.

Thank You People Who Found This Amusing

Wildcats, starring Goldie Hawn and a very young Woody Harrelson and Wesley Snipes turned 30 this year.

NUMBERS TO IMPRESS YOUR FRIENDS WITH

8,927: The number of potholes/divots/holes dug to China on the field. This is a true fact. I counted all of them.

.230: Northwestern kicker Jack Mitchell’s career batting average before he hung up the spikes to focus on kicking his senior year.  He’s currently batting .333 when it comes to making field goals.

9: The number of different Huskers who caught passes. (This might be a season high but I’m too lazy to look it up.) Stanley Morgan Jr. led the way with four receptions and Alonzo Moore had the biggest of the night when he hauled in a 59 yarder.

6.6: The Huskers’ average yards per carry was their highest of the season. (I looked it up.) Their lowest average was 3.2 against Wyoming.

132: Tommy broke his career single game rushing record and averaged a brisk 10.2 yards per carry. His previous record was 131 yards against McNeese State in 2014.

10: The number of batters Clayton Kershaw has walked in 142 innings pitched this season. His strikeout to walk ratio is 16.8 to 1.


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Protect ya Neck, Wildcats. The NU-Tang Clan is Bringing da Ruckus to You

Fine, Northwestern. You want to be known as the NU of the Big Ten, you can have it.

Even if you Wildcats haven’t been consistently average since the Pappy Waldorf era, those two little letters are all yours. From this day forward, the NU of the Big Ten that is able to boast five National Championships, three Heisman Trophy winners, and a sellout streak running 350 games strong will be henceforth be referred to around these parts as the NU-Tang Clan.

It’s long overdue that the squad that holds the distinction of being the most bad ass team in college football history does a Vulcan mind meld with the most bad ass group in hip hop history.

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As you may recall, when the Wu-Tang Clan broke out in 1993, the Huskers were just getting started of breaking off a 60-3 record over a five year span.

So now that we’ve successfully rechristened the Huskers, let’s take a special look at all the ways Northwestern is doomed on Saturday. Long story short, there will be no better tomorrow for the Wildcats. The NU-Tang killer D is gonna swarm and if Northwestern has any luck at all, the won’t experience all 36 chambers of death.

Look for Nate “Ghostface Killah” Gerry  to tee off on Wildcat QB Clayton Thorson if he gets cute and tries busting out his Taylor Martinez impression from last year.  But it probably won’t even come to that because Thorson will first have to make past Ross “Inspectah Deck” Dzuris” and Michael “Masta Killa” Rose-Ivey.

On the other side of the ball, Tommy “RZA” Armstrong Jr. will be leading the NU-Tang Clan to the promised land again and again. In his previous game at Ryan Field (a dump so bad it makes Staten Island‘s Fresh Kills Landfill look like paradise), he caught a touchdown pass from De’Mornay “U-God” Pierson-El out of sheer boredom.

Then there’s the fact that Jordan “Method Man” Westerkamp will have more friends and family in the stands than the combined total of the Huskers’ travel squad and the actual Wu-Tang Clan. The last time Westy played in the Land of Lincoln, the Huskers fell to Illinois and he had a hard time hauling in any of Tommy’s wind ravaged passes that fell out of the sky so expect him to have a big day in his final go around back home. Since he can’t catch all the passes Cethan “Cappadonna” Carter and Stanley “GZA” Morgan Jr. will be there to spell him.

After starting the season with three tight-ass performances, you can expect Devine “Raekwon” Ozigbo to anchor the rushing attack.

Finally, saving the best for last, Mike “Ol’Dirty Bastard” Riley seems to have found a new ruthless killer instinct during last week’s win over Oregon. If he still believes fortune favors the bold, look for the iced out uniform wearing Huskers to have this game on ice before halftime.

C.R.E.A.M.* get that dubby.

NU-Tang Clan – 31

The Other NU – 19

* Cornhuskers Rule Everything Around Me

Here’s your gameday jam. Just swap out the Wu-Tang Clan for NU-Tang when you singalong and you’ll be all set.


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A Brutally Honest (and Mildly Delusional) Preview from a Northwestern Fan

Editor’s note: Dave Williams, aka White Sox Dave from Barstool Sports, was kind enough to write up a preview of Saturday’s game from the perspective of a Northwestern fan. Along with the White Sox, Dave really is a Northwestern fan (who knew they existed?) so it wasn’t a stretch for him to write from his long-suffering heart. Give him a follow on Twitter for some great sports takes and to see how much it hurts to be a loyal fan of teams like the White Sox and Northwestern. Move to Trash

Take it away Dave…

I’d like to preface everything you’re about to read by first addressing the big elephant in the room: Yes, Northwestern has casual fans. My ACT score wouldn’t have been good enough to get into NU if you doubled it, (thought it would have been about twice as good as the average UNL student HA!) and I have a pretty poor grasp of the English language, yet here I am, donning Purple every Saturday representing Chicago’s Big Ten Team. Yes, we do exist. Being a White Sox, Bears and Wildcats fan, I live an awful life as a sports fan. That’s neither here nor there though…

Anyways, though Nebby has only been in the conference for a short time, I feel like the two schools are developing a decent little rivalry right now. Each game has been a complete and total nail biter, save for a 21point victory for Nebraska in 2014. In the other 4 contests, the average margin of victory was a miniscule 2.25 ppg. Like I said, nail biters.

For the sake of keeping this preview short and sweet, I won’t break down each previous contest, just outline the scores showing exactly how close these two teams have played each other the last 5 years:

2011: Northwestern tops 10th ranked Nebby 28-25 in the B1G first meeting between the two.

2012: Nebby tops NU 29-28 in Evanston

2013: Nebby tops NU 27-24 on a Hail Mary with 4 seconds left. I legitimately thought about tying myself to cinder blocks and jumping into the Lake Michigan

Because I’m a masochist and I’m writing a guest preview, here’s the video for you pricks.

2014: Nebby stomps NU 38-17

2015: NU beats UNL 30-28 in Lincoln

Anyways, here’s what UNL fans need to know about Northwestern.

What to watch for when NU has the ball:

Best players: RB Justin Jackson, WR Austin Carr, QB Clayton Thorson

Well, the offense kinda stinks. And by kinda stinks I mean it totally blows and other than Justin Jackson, no one is above average. There isn’t necessarily a lack of “talent” on the offensive side of the ball, either, as there are 4 star, nationally renown recruits at both QB, RB, and TE. But the Northwestern offensive scheme flat out sucks, the offensive line is garbage, and the wide receiving core is probably the worst in the B1G. RB Justin Jackson is a stud, and will wind up as NU’s all time leading rusher should he stay healthy, but if he can’t develop a rhythm behind NU’s porous offensive line, then the Cats will be in extreme amounts of trouble against UNL.

If Jackson can get a ground game going for NU, it should hopefully open up the defensive enough where Thorson can throw the ball down field and move chains.

Keyword there: hopefully. Other than against a brutal Duke team, that hasn’t happened yet.

What to watch for when Nebraska has the ball:

Best players: MLB Anthony Walker, S Godwin Igwebuike, DL Tyler Lancaster

NU defense hasn’t been great so far and it was supposed to be totally lockdown this year. If it weren’t for injuries, there would be multiple draft picks suiting up in every level of the defense against Nebby this week, however only one is: MLB Anthony Walker.

Anthony Walker was 1st team all B1G in 2015, 3rd team All American, and named to every preseason “watch” list for defensive players and a future high round NFL draft pick… but he hasn’t been great so far. It was recently disclosed that he had a knee injury that held him out of preseason camp for 2 weeks and that he wasn’t quite in game shape until last week, so he’s got the benefit of the doubt as of now, but he HAS to be the best player on the field when NU is on D for them to stand a chance this week.

NU’s defensive backfield is riddled with injuries right now, as their 2nd best defensive player and future NFL draft pick DB Matt Harris is out with a concussion, S Kyle Queiro has a shoulder injury and another starting CB, Keith Watkins, was lost for the year with an ACL. They have good depth in the defensive backfield, however, and depth that has legit starting B1G talent, so there’s not toooo much too worry about there. They just need to do a better job of getting off the field on 3rd down.

Special Teams:

Nobody cares about special teams, but Northwestern’s kicker has won like 4 games with last second field goals, he just can’t make them when there isn’t any pressure on him.

Game prediction:

It’s gonna be like a home game for Big Red and the atmosphere in Evanston will be electric, so I think the defense [Editor’s note: That’s really clever that you call that long ass grass “the defense.”] slows down UNL and the NU offense does just enough to win. Oh, and NU will have a pick 6 for a score after that BUM Tommy Frazier throws a ball off his back foot into double coverage. Ultimately, that will be the difference in this game

Cats 24

Huskers 21

Book it.

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Second Earthquake Strikes Lincoln

On September 3rd, at approximately 7:02 am, an earthquake struck Oklahoma and was felt all the way in Lincoln, Nebraska.

Then, on September 17th, at approximately 2:41pm, another earthquake struck. This time, in Lincoln. A new fault line has been detected directly under Memorial Stadium.

Or at least, that’s what it felt like.

It’s been a long time since the energy reached that level in the 3rd largest town in Nebraska on gameday. At times the stadium was actually shaking, it was so loud the woman in front of me kept covering her ears (sorry lady, but I wasn’t about to stop screaming because you forgot your earplugs). Not even the man behind me going off on a 20 minute tangent about the zone read or the lady crushing my legs with her dumbass reclining plastic seat cushion could ruin my gameday.

Saturday was just what the Huskers needed. It seems that the entire team has bought into Mike Riley’s program and it’s really fun to watch. They just never give up. From DPE being back (hell YES, he is one of my favorite players to watch), to Ozigbo proving he is the number one back, to the D getting those big stops, Westerkamp catching anything that comes his way, and Tommy being the most durable player that I have ever seen, it was fun as hell to watch. I’m not saying there weren’t times where I wanted to sit down and close my eyes, because there were. After last season, it’s hard to watch a close game, but it’s nice to see the team has more confidence and bravery than I do.

The tailgates were in prime form. I first went to a tailgate east of the stadium in the horseshoe thanks to an invitation from Todd’s brother, Troy. It was completely catered and had bartenders. That’s how you do it, invite a bunch of strangers over and serve them alcohol. The basics of tailgating. I didn’t get a picture of it because I was sort of preoccupied by drinking somebody else’s free alcohol.

Post victory we headed to the Champions Club where my friend’s family had the best celebration happening in Lincoln. Anywhere with beer, food, a TV, and a place to sit outside the stadium is going to be a pretty ideal situation.

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parkinglot
Also, if you were at the game on Saturday, go find yourself in the Gigapixel panoramic photo that was taken during the game. Then, if you have nothing else going on in your life,  you can tag your face with a big red N.

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Onto the Next One

The upcoming Northwestern game brings the start of conference play. I hate Northwestern just about as much as a person can hate a team for no real reason. Quite frankly, a team that is 1-2 doesn’t even deserve my time. But I will be there, and so will thousands of other Husker fans because we travel to Evanston better than people who live in Chicago travel to Evanston (Sad!).

Have you even seen that disgusting dump known as Ryan Field? It’s a field of potholes with some grass accidentally growing in between. Somebody is going to get injured out there and I’m going to write the NCAA a sternly worded letter wondering why they don’t do something about that disgraceful junk pile that moonlights as a stadium. Those nerds over at Northwestern can’t figure out how to even out their field and grow some grass at a reasonable length? Whatever. The good news is that we can all focus on the real beauty on the field that day: the only alternate uniforms I have ever liked.

RIP Northwestern
RIP Northwestern

Hoping Tommy gets a lot of rest this week and drinks a lot of pickle juice. I heard Caleb Lightbourn say that this last week he tried to prepare for the game more by sticking to more of a routine before gameday. Well, it looked like it worked to me, he improved by about a million percent. So get back to that routine. Doesn’t sound like they are sure about Brandon Reilly returning just yet but he should be back to full-speed soon. I had a dream that Westy got hurt so hopefully I’m zero percent psychic.

I would go into more detail about Northwestern’s team but I don’t want to waste your time talking about a 1-2 team. We all have better things to do than that. Plus, apparently some Northwestern fan is doing a guest blog for us. So keep an eye out for that, or don’t.

If you or anyone else is making the trip, there’s a Husker bar called Kirkwood that fans are meeting up at earlier on Saturday, followed a trip to the stadium and some tailgate crashing. It looks like there is a big Nebraska tailgate as well. Here is the info. Hopefully we will see some of you there and watch the Huskers move onto a 4-0 start to the season and their first conference win.

P.S. Never Forget.

 

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Breaking Down the Top 15 #FireHelfrich Tweets

What a difference a year makes, huh?

Exactly one year ago today, the Huskers made an improbable fourth quarter comeback against Miami only to immediately lose in overtime and fall to 1-2 to start the first season of the Mike Riley era. Things really couldn’t have been any worse for Husker Nation.

Now, the Huskers are 3-0, ranked 20th in two ultimately pointless polls and should be able to run the table to 7-0 before their trip to Wisconsin.

Meanwhile, Oregon fans are all in a dander over losing to the Huskers and are already calling for the head of Mark Helfrich.

A case could be made that he’s destined to become the Frank Solich of Eugene, but give the guy a chance. Unlike Frank, he didn’t have to wait until his fourth season to lose a National Championship game. It only took him until year two.

That still isn’t enough to keep the #FireHelfrich crowd from lighting up their Twitter torches. For your enjoyment, here are the hottest of hot takes from rabid Duck fans.

OK. Um, I’m not even an Oregon fan and I know the dynamic duo of Chip Kelly and Marcus Mariota was only good for a single Rose Bowl victory. It was #FireHelfrich who led Mariota to Alamo Bowl glory and got the Ducks back to the title game.

You are probably right.

Hey, Chip Kelly lost his championship game too.

Twitter is not the place for rational arguments, buddy.

Somebody just dropped Steve Pederson’s favorite word.

But math is hard.

True. But Husker Nation is not complaining.

What kind of car did Mr. #FireHelfrich get as a replacement?

Holy shit. No program should ever be that desperate.

Again, Husker Nation will never complain about this.

That’s a great question.

Oh sure. They could simply trade jobs.

Contrary to popular belief, there are probably a few worse coaches out there. And they don’t even go for 2 every time.

Does this mean Brady Hoke would still have a job or does #FireHelfrich cover both of them?

We’ll see about that. Good luck against Colorado next week.


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Sunday Evening Hot Takes: Oregon Edition

How much fun was that Oregon game?

Even with all the stress and near heart attack moments, this was arguably the most fun game of the Mike Riley era from start to finish. (Michigan State was a blast but only at the end.)

With the Huskers topping the Ducks 35-32, Nebraska finally beat a ranked non-conference opponent at home for the first time since 2001 when Bob Davie brought the Fighting Irish to Lincoln.

The best part about this win was that it was a complete team effort on both sides of the ball. The offense and the Blackshirts overcame potentially backbreaking miscues and stepped up big when it absolutely mattered the most-  from De’Mornay Pierson-El’s game changing punt return (how great was it to see him back in 2014 form?), to Tommy Armstrong Jr. doing it with his arm and legs on the Huskers’ final drive, to Kieron Williams‘ game saving pass breakup with a minute to play.

Then there’s Mike Riley. Where has the guy who was on the sidelines on Saturday been hiding? Talk about a stone cold assassin with a pair of cajones the size of casaba melons. Going for it on 4th down three times including with the game on the line? Heck. Yes.

And how about that blitz out of nowhere on Oregon’s final play? With the Ducks facing a 4th and 18 from Nebraska’s 48, the Huskers’ secondary was lined up 12 yards off the ball. If this scenario didn’t instantly give you flashback’s to BYU’s Hail Mary, congratulations for blocking that one from your mind.

Instead of giving the quarterback all day to throw this time around, the Blackshirts brought the heat with a six man rush that immediately flushed Dakota Prukop from the pocket and forced him to run into the welcoming arms of Michael Rose-Ivey who didn’t waste any time slamming him to the turf to lock up the win for the Huskers.

On with the usual Sunday stuff…

Mike Riley’s Balloon Watch

mike-riley-happy-balloon_2

Mike gets two balloons this week. For two very obvious reasons.

Our Score Prediction

Another week, another mostly solid prediction from us. #humblebrag

Oregon’s ‘No Green’ Curse Continues

surrender-green

This is a text I received from an Oregon friend before kickoff. Apparently the Ducks’ version of the Huskers’ surrender whites is to wear uniforms without green. This was an interesting (and thankfully true) wrinkle worth keeping an eye on if you’re into that whole wagering on football thing.

This Iowa Fan Needed a Hug. He Didn’t Get One From Us.

How Lucky/Good Was That Bacon Saving  False Start Penalty?

false-start


NUMBERS TO IMPRESS YOUR FRIENDS WITH

2: As in can you believe Oregon kept going for two? This will never not be funny.

7.1 Even with Royce Freeman out due to injury, Oregon’s average yards-per-carry was a season high. The Ducks averaged 6.8 YPC against UC Davis and 6.7 YPC against Virginia. The last time Oregon averaged over 7 YPC was in their 44-28 win over Cal last November.

45: De’Mornay Pierson-El’s game changing 45 yard punt return was his longest since he broke off a 42 yarder at Minnesota last year. Can he please return all the punts and never do the jet sweep? On 11 career rushing attempts, DPE has netted -7 yards.

47.2: Caleb Lightbourn’s average yardage on five punts, three of which pinned Oregon inside their own 20.

83: Get to know Brian Reimers, the walk-on redshirt sophomore who hauled in a touchdown pass (his first career reception) to cap the Huskers’ drive to open the second half.

7,376: In case you didn’t hear it over the crowd noise, Tommy Armstrong Jr. is now your career passing leader. He eclipsed Taylor Martinez’s mark of 7,258 passing yards yesterday.


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Hey Oregon, Welcome to Mike’s House

Oregon,

We need to talk. Don’t worry. This is all going to be for your own good. I just want to make sure you little Duckies are prepared for what’s going to happen on Saturday.

You’ve probably been licking your bills for a while now at the prospect of migrating halfway across the country just to beat up on your former in-state rival like the good ol’ days of your annual Civil War.

But there’s one tiny problem.

Mike Riley isn’t at Oregon State anymore.

He’s at Nebraska.

Sure, I could start rattling off all the ways Riley’s coaching toy box has been upgraded but the truth is he’s just getting a taste of what it’s like to be in your Nikes, with world-class facilities and talent far beyond what he had in Corvallis. His playing field is finally level with yours.

But he has one big advantage that can’t be bought with Phil Knight money.

Heck, it can’t even be bought with Warren Buffett money.

And that’s Husker Nation.

While there’s no official date for when it was founded, a great case could be made for November 3, 1962, the day the Huskers’ sellout streak started. The Big Red lost to Missouri that day but the fans were back for the next one and all the others for the past 54 years. You Ducks have the honor of being number 350.

That’s kind of a big deal especially when you consider Memorial Stadium has nearly tripled in size during that time and Bill Callahan was head coach for a while.

Things are a little bit different around these parts. You’re going to be greeted by 90,000 of the most loyal and passionate fans you’ve ever played in front of anywhere. And that includes the little nest you call a stadium. (54,000 fans for your home games? Cute.)

Those fans (who will all be wearing red, btw) have known since Monday they won’t be sitting down for the duration of the game. All it took was a tweet from a linebacker that simply said #NoSitSaturday and everyone was like ‘Cool. We’ll spread the word.’

That’s how people roll in Nebraska. We take care of each other. Someone needs a favor? It gets done. Mike Riley is one of us now so when he steps onto that sideline, 90,000 people will have his back along with another million plus watching from afar.

Oregon, when you come out of that tunnel, it’s important that you’re prepared for what’s going to happen.

First off, no matter how loud it gets, and it will get loud, Memorial Stadium will not fall apart. She may feel like she’s about to crumble but don’t worry. She’s as solid as a rock. Mostly.

Either way, you’ll probably want to dip into your vast wardrobe and pick out some pants that can hide crotchal region stains (both the front and rear kind) just to be safe. Maybe something in a nice dark green? That should do the trick.

It’s going to be so loud you may feel yourself getting knocked backwards by the sheer force of 90,000 people screaming at the top of their lungs. For as much as these folks want to see the Huskers win, they don’t mean you any genuine harm. No matter the outcome, they’ll be cheering for you after the final whistle. It’s what Nebraska fans do.

So there you are, taking it all in and you see him.

mike-riley-flo-rida
Welcome to Mike’s house.

Yes, that inflatable Bob’s Big Boy looking thing is definitely a creeper and he’ll be there to welcome you onto the field. His name’s Lil’ Red and just go with it. Maybe even make a mental bookmark of the moment you make eye contact with his black, soul-less eyes. You’ll already be having the most surreal experience of your football career so why not make it just a little bit weirder?

Now kickoff. That’s when the fun really starts.

You may have read somewhere that Mike Riley’s Huskers can be a little unpredictable. For as frustrating as that can be, it’s been kind of fun that every game brings a new surprise. Will the Big Red decide to kick it old-school and pound the ball down your bill until you give up, or will Tommy Armstrong have the green light to go full Tommy, or maybe a mix of both to really keep your defense on their webbed toes?

Then there’s the problem of dealing with the Blackshirts.

Oh, you have an Olympic hurdler as a wide receiver? Well the Huskers have the guy who set the South Dakota state record in the 200 meter dash and he’s really good at making interceptions and too good at making tackles. Trust me, if you happen to make it past the defensive line, he’s not somebody you want to run into.

And if that wasn’t enough to make you want to go hang out in a park and beg for bread crumbs, there’s a rumor going around that the Huskers are getting hooked up with Yeezy Cleats.

If that happens, you’re doomed. Everyone knows it’s a proven scientific fact that a person runs faster in new shoes and Yeezys are far from being another boring pair of Nikes.

Good luck tomorrow, Oregon. You’re going to need it.


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All Your Corny Duck Headlines Belong To Us

Duck week has finally arrived and with it has come an entire flock of corny headlines and bad puns.

It’s only Tuesday and already the “Duck Hunt” angle is more worn out than Oregon’s uniform designer.

Actually, it’s been worn out since at least 2011 as evidenced by this tweet from the University of Arizona social team when they swooped-in on myself and everyone’s favorite Husker tweeter Brett Baker to set the record straight on who did the Duck Hunt meme first. Ever since, barely a week has gone by without pornbots and cam-girl accounts liking  and replying to it. We can probably thank the fine academic reputation of U of A for that one.

With that in mind, I spent exactly 15 minutes this morning (pre-coffee, mind you) to see how many cheesy and pun-filled headlines I could up with. The finally tally was 38.

If you’re a media type in need of headline, feel free to pick from any of these gems. They cover plenty of potential story lines no matter how Saturday plays out.

Duck, Duck Goosed

SNAFU: Situation Normal, All Flocked Up

Quack Attacked

Ducks Soar in Lincoln

Blackshirts Make Memorial Stadium a No-Fly Zone

Was the Ducks’ Swagger One Giant Decoy?

The Ducks Get Plucked

Today’s Special: Duck a l’Blackshirt

Would you rather fight 100 duck-sized ducks or one Herbie-sized Herbie?  [This one is for the inevitable think piece on r/Huskers.}

There’s No Dynasty For These Ducks

Memorial Stadium Mallard Massacre

Better Ducks Next Year?

Ducks Win on a Wing and a Prayer

Follow the Oregon Trail Back to Eugene

Ducks Get Sunk

The Ducks Lay an Egg

The Ducks Run Wild

Hail Mary? More Like Hail Daisy

Duck Roast

Husker Fans Will Be Quacking About this Loss

The Ducks Answer the Call

Duck Blinded

Dagnabbit Donald

Ducks Soar Into Lincoln, Waddle Out

Move Over 12 Gauge, The Blackshirts are the Ducks’ Newest Nemesis

These Ducks Pass the Test

Huskers Punch the Ducks Right in the Bill

Ducks Hunt Huskers

Call a Taxidermist, We Have Some New Trophies

Blackshirts Trampled by Webbed Feet

F—K a Duck. It’s the Same Story for the Huskers

Who Knew Ducks had Teeth?

These Ducks Need More Seasoning

The Ducks’ Wings Get Clipped

The Ducks Crap All Over Memorial Stadium

The Sea of Red is No Duck Sanctuary

The Ducks Get Stuffed

The Ducks’ Season Has Gone South


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Sunday Morning Hot Takes: Wyoming Edition

The Wyoming Cowboys galloped into Lincoln with all the swagger of a Frontier Days champion and left town with as much confidence as a rodeo clown who is bad at his job.

(Did I just write that? Holy crap. I might be ready for a career in mediocre sports writing.)

In all seriousness though, for three quarters the Wyoming Cowboys gave the Huskers fits… wait… scratch that.

For three quarters, the Huskers gave themselves and Husker Nation fits as miscues took points off the board and kept Wyoming within striking distance to ruin everyone’s day.

Then the 4th quarter started and Nebraska slammed the door on Wyoming by scoring 28 unanswered points in one of the most crowd pleasing 15 minutes in recent Husker history.

Meanwhile, it was a quarter to forget for Wyoming quarterback Josh Allen. He had a run where three out of four pass attempts were picked off by the Blackshirts and contributed to another turnover with an errant backwards pass that was smartly scooped up by Dapper Ross Dzuris.

The most memorable play of the final period was Nate Gerry’s first interception on the day. After he was brought down by Allen, Gerry handed the ball back to him and was promptly flagged for unsportsmanlike conduct.

It’s hard to think of an example of trolling as masterful as giving the ball you just picked off back to the quarterback.

The refs clearly suspected Gerry of malice and promptly flagged him but I like to think Nate was just being helpful and wanted to make sure Wyoming didn’t leave a football behind in Lincoln.

Let’s break it down.

nategerry1
Gerry hands the ball to Allen and turns away so quickly he doesn’t even have time to insult his mother.

nategerry2
Allen then gives a half-assed attempt at letting Gerry keep a souvenir and somehow manages to avoid a flag of his own.

nategerry
It’s so refreshing to see Gerry get flagged without being ejected.

Mike Riley’s Balloon Watch

Mike Riley Happy Balloon
A shiny balloon is a happy balloon.

Our Score Prediction

For a while there, it looked like we overshot the mark but we’ll gladly be wrong when the final score is 52-17.

NUMBERS TO IMPRESS YOUR FRIENDS WITH

3: When he joined the 4th quarter interception party with a pick of his own, Chris Jones extended his INT streak to three games.

5: Wyoming quarterback Josh Allen threw his first five career interceptions  on Saturday.

28: To find the last time the Huskers broke off 28 points in a 4th quarter, you gotta go back to 1996 when they rolled Oklahoma 73-21. They also put up 28 in the final period against Kansas in 1991 and Iowa State in 1984

More numerical surprises I found while looking through the box scores of every high scoring game from the last four decades:

29: Apologies in advance for the trigger warning but if you may recall, the Huskers did have a 29 point rally in the 4th against Purdue last year to bring the final score within 10 points.  For everyone’s sanity and peace of mind we won’t mention that final score.

30: In 1982, the Huskers played their final game of the regular season at Hawaii on December 4. The Big Red entered the 4th quarter down 16-7 and would end up winning 37-16 thanks to what was surely a motivational pep talk from Tom Osborne.

48: In 1984 the Huskers broke the back of the Colorado Buffaloes with a 48 point 3rd quarter. There’s no reason for sharing this other than it’s awesome and is probably some sort of record.

Hope you enjoyed walk down memory lane and yes, I should probably get a new hobby.

57: In case you missed it, Tommy Armstrong now holds the Nebraska record for touchdown passes with 57.

105: Jordan Westerkamp returned to form with 105 receiving yards on just four catches. Westy’s career yardage now stands at 2,059 only 631 yards short of breaking Kenny Bell’s career record.

Finally, in case you missed it, Armstrong and Westerkamp are roommates.


 

 

 

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