Tag Archives: scott frost

Ten Questions with UCF Fan @AustinHeff

Welcome to the greatest weekend of the season, Husker fans.

It’s bye week!

There’s not even a chance the Huskers are going to lose another game.

And because we all need a second favorite team to root for so we can have a reason to avoid mowing the lawn for another week, I interviewed Austin Heffernan, a die hard UCF fan to get the scoop on the Knights football program and their currently undefeated season thanks in no small part to their upstart coach Scott Frost. (You may have heard of him.)

Speaking of Scott, I met Austin on Twitter the day he was hired away from Oregon. Somehow, we found each other’s tweets and traded some thoughts about Scott. (There’s a good chance I told him to make sure UCF takes good care of Nebraska’s next head coach. )

Anyway, Austin is a huge UCF fan and cheers for his other local teams in Florida. He’s the kind of ride or die sports fan any team would be proud to have. He was nice enough to answer all my dumb questions with some valuable insight about the Knights so you’ll enjoy watching UCF (and Scott Frost) take on Navy Saturday afternoon.

1. Along with being a UCF fan long before the Knights cracked the top 25, you’re a fan of your local teams across the sports spectrum which is something of a rarity these days as sports fans aren’t as tied to geography as they were before. As background, how would you describe your fandom and what it’s like to be such a dedicated fan of Florida teams? (For the record, I was pulling for the Marlins when they went on their late summer run.)

Austin: Growing up in Miami was really fun. In my younger elementary school days, I was blessed with nationally dominant Miami Hurricanes teams that set the city on fire.  [Ed note: Husker fans remember the that 2001 team. Too bad you’re too young to have missed those 80s teams.] Rumor has it that those Hurricanes players from the early 2000s were skipping Dolphins players in the club. We then had the Marlins make their run in 2003 and the Heat in 2006 and also again in 2012/2013. Miami definitely has the most diverse sports fan base in terms of ethnic backgrounds. The best picture I can paint of Miami sports fandom is pots and pans in musical rhythmic unison while celebrating.

Since I moved to Orlando, I’ve been a part of the soccer movement and have attended a handful of Orlando City Soccer games. We have the 2nd highest attendance in the MLS despite not having made the playoffs in the 3 years we’ve been in the MLS. That has been a fun experience and celebrating a scored goal is unlike anything I’ve been a part of as a sports fan.

2. Florida certainly has its share of college football teams. What was it that made you pick UCF, or did the Knights pick you?

Austin: I decided to not attend an American school and I got into a school in Rome, Italy at the last minute. UCF still had open rolling applications and decided to roll with them instead. I was still rooting for the Canes up until the 3rd home game of my freshman year, where we beat Boston College by 40+ points. We ended up winning the C-USA championship that year and that season cemented my passion for the University and all of their sports teams.

3. In 2013, UCF went 12-1 and ended their season by beating Baylor in the Fiesta Bowl and finishing in the AP Top 10. Then in 2014 they when 9-4 and followed that up with an 0-12 season in 2015. Last year Scott Frost got things turned around and the Knights posted a 6-7 record. Now, they’re 5-0 and ranking in the top 20. What’s this roller coaster ride been like for you and how does it to have been on it the whole time?

Austin: The 12-1 year, or as we call it, “the dream season,” was my senior year at UCF. That year was so incredible and the campus was electric all the time. If you would’ve told me before I went to UCF that we would win a BCS game while I was there, I would’ve recommended you take me to the local mental hospital called Lakeside. The following year we won the AAC again but it took some miraculous plays, including the miracle we needed to clinch a share of the conference championship.

And then we hit rock bottom. Our head football coach at the time, George O’Leary, was acting as the school athletic director at the time. His attention wasn’t fully set on the team, and the team suffered mightily. Following that year, the Lincoln Legend himself, Scott Frost, made his way to UCF. Since we hired Frost, the football team’s confidence appeared to have instantly jumped to the ceiling. Since then, I’ve had no complaints and have been following along for this fantastic ride that I never want to end.

4. Two things Nebraska fans take a lot of pride in are a sellout streak that’s been going since 1962 and having a reputation as being the “greatest fans in college football.” How would you describe the UCF fanbase? Are there a lot of dedicated, hardcore fans like you, or is the bulk of the fanbase more casual?  And how has the the momentum and energy been this season? Is the bandwagon running out of room?

Austin: The fan base is really young. The school opened up in 1963 so our alumni base isn’t as strong as most other schools. Orlando is mostly a Gator town, which makes it tough to get local non-students and non-alumni into the stadium. Last year, following a winless season, I was surprised at how many people were in the stands at all the home games. It made me proud to be a Knight fan to see everyone screaming at the top of their lungs despite the product the team produced the year prior. [Ed note: Just like Nebraska!]

5. 
The UCF program started out as a Division III team in 1979 and steadily worked its way up to Division !. What are some traditions, both for the program and during games, that the rest of the world should know about? 

Austin: My favorite tradition is Spirit Splash. Every Friday of homecoming week, students gather around the fountain called the Reflecting Pond in the middle of campus and there’s a pep rally of sorts. Then a countdown starts, and all the students gathered around the Reflecting Pond run into it. A video will explain it better than I can.

6. What’s a game day like at Spectrum Stadium? How would you describe the atmosphere? And I gotta know, how did Zombie Nation’s song Kernkraft 400 become an anthem?

Austin: Tailgating at UCF is my favorite hobby. The whole campus is wet and you can bring an open container anywhere, so it makes for a great atmosphere.  I actually have no idea how Kernkraft 400  became our pre-kickoff anthem but I just found myself joining in my freshman year back in 2010.

 7. A lot of Nebraska fans will probably be spending their Husker free Saturday watching UCF take on Navy. What should they know about the Knights’ offense and defense in terms of attitude and identity and who are some of the key playmakers they should keep an eye on? 


Austin:
McKenzie Milton, our quarterback, has progressed in a way that I didn’t think was possible. He has brought life to the passing game, so I would definitely keep an eye on him. Tre’Quan Smith is probably our best wide receiver. I would also pay attention to our defense. A couple of players I would pay attention to are Mike Hughes, a cornerback, and Shaquem Griffin, a linebacker. Those two are both playmakers and will be huge factors in stopping Navy’s triple option.

8. Nebraska fans have prior experience with UCF when Dante Culpepper came to Lincoln in 1997 and roasted the Nebraska defense (we call them the Blackshirts) for 318 passing yards in what turned out to be a very close (by Nebraska standards) 24 – 38 loss. (Btw, Scott Frost put up 120 passing yards and ran for another 50.) Who are some of UCF’s other legends that Nebraska fans should be aware of? 

Austin: Blake Bortles led us to a Fiesta Bowl win so he’s probably going to have a statue on campus at some point. [Ed note: OMG.] Coach George O’Leary put us in the national spotlight by winning 4 conference championships during his tenure. Kevin Smith finished the highest in the school’s history in Heisman voting at 8th place. He had insane rushing numbers and is our best running back in school history. Brandon Marshall, the wide receiver who now plays for the New York Giants, is probably the best professional player to come out of UCF. Another great NFL pro was Asante Samuel.


9.
What would you like to say to Nebraska fans (or Florida or Tennessee fans) who have their eye on Scott Frost? Do you think he’ll be temped to jump to a new program or will he stay put and keep building what he started?

Austin: This is a conversation UCF fans have been having frequently lately. It’s impossible to know at this point what the man is thinking. All that I know is that I will be OK with whatever decision he makes. He’s done more for this program than I ever expected him to do. I will always admire Frost, whether it is here or at another institution.

10. Finally, what’s your prediction for Saturday? Do you think the Knights will be able to handle Navy’s option attack and a hostile road environment? Oh, and what did you think of Scott Frost playing QB on the scout team?

Austin: I think we have the personnel to stop the triple option and the offensive weapons to put up enough points to win. However, playing on the road is its own animal but Frost has our kids focused. Also, Navy’s Coach Ken Niumatalolo has his team playing as probably the most disciplined team in the country.

I’m predicting a 24-17 win for UCF.


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Husker Valentines

Did you forget Valentine’s Day is this Sunday?

Not to worry, we have you covered with an assortment of Husker themed valentines. There are a dozen to chose from and dare we say they are perfect for expressing your true feelings to your Big Red sweetheart.

Feel free to poach whatever valentines you like… right click, screenshot, whatever floats your boat. You can also find a gallery on the Big Red Fury Facebook page that is perfect for sharing.

Tommy Armstrong ValentineThere’s no bolder move than chucking up a #YOLObomb when you only need three yards. If you want to go big this Valentine’s Day, Tommy Armstrong has you covered.

Jordan Westerkamp Valentine
Jordan Westerkamp is a receiver, get it? Yes, this is our version of the Choo-Choo Chose Me.

And while you’re here, check out our new Westerkamp highlight reel.

Josh Banderas Valentine
Perfect for when Cupid steals your heart… or your bike.

Michael Rose Ivey Valentine
Michael Rose-Ivy’s valentine will hit you like 1/8th of a ton of bricks.

Mikale Wilbon Valentine
Remember that time Mikale Wilbon actually got to play and he looked really good?

VINCENT VALENTINE
Vincent Valentine is ready to help you erase any doubts about commitment issues and let your boo know that you’re in it for the long haul.

Mike Riley Valentine
This digital Valentine was made with all-natural, allergen-free pixels. 

Nate Gerry Valentine
Unlike Nate Gerry, you won’t get ejected for delivering this fierce, yet perfectly legal valentine. 

Sam Foltz Valentine
Step aside Cupid, Thunderleg Foltz is delivering this one.

Scott Frost Valentine
It’s not stalking if you know it’s true destiny.

Tommie Fraizer Valentine
Sorry, Tommie. We had to do it.

Bo Pelini Valentine
Relationships are a tricky business and sometimes there’s a person you just can’t quit.

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Did Tommy Armstrong Roll to a Press Conference on an NCAA Violation?

Tommy Armstrong sent Twitter aflutter and into confusion when he took the podium astride a self-balancing board at the Huskers’ weekly press conference on Monday.

Despite the World-Herald referring to Tommy’s gadget as both a hoverboard AND a Segway, it is neither. Until a catchy name is found for this decade’s Razor Scooter, we’ll go ahead and keep calling it a self-balancing board. There are many of brands on the market but you can find one that adjust to your person at the Electric Rider.

A quick search of the internets tells us that Tommy’s gizmo is not a “Swagway,” (oh, you were so unintentionally close, OWH) which can be found at Modell’s for the bargain price of $399.99.

And while it cosmetically looks similar, Tommy’s wheels aren’t the ones listed on AliExpress for the low, low price of $208.00 (just lookout for that $99 shipping charge).

Based on the slew of photos and videos, it’s most likely that Tommy is rolling around on a Vengatti in the “Fire and Ice” series which boasts an MSRP of $649.99.

Here’s Tommy in action.

Now, watch this video from Dodgers super utility player Kike´ Hernandez.

Other than a slightly different deck, the two devices look identical all the way down to the LED side steering lights.

One look at Vengatti’s Twitter account and it’s obvious that they are in the “influencer” stage of building brand awareness ahead of the busy holiday shopping season. Seemingly anyone with the right amount of hair gel and enough social media followers is getting hooked up with a free set of wheels. You can get the latest updates on hoverboard technology from the Hoverboard Lab right here.

This is just a small sample of what you can expect if you follow Vengatti on Twitter…

And then there were these two tweets that stood out for their lack of spray tan.

According to Austin’s Twitter bio, in addition to being part of the University of Indiana’s class of 2018 and a fresh contender for most obnoxious guy on campus, he’s an “official promoter of Vengatti” which likely means he got a discount code, a few stickers and something to put on his resume.

If Lovey “As seen on season 14 of American Idol” James getting 13 retweets is enough to garner a free Vengatti, Tommy’s little press conference stunt is a total “Then Again Maybe I Won’t” moment for Ventgatti. It will easily rack up at least 100 times the exposure by the time Husker Nation gets distracted by the next shiny thing on social media.

With it getting harder for coaches, boosters and other nogoodniks to hook up college players with free cars, are self-balancing boards the next frontier for dolling out swag?

Let’s hope not.

And let’s hope Tommy and his teammates used some of their new stipend money to pay for their toys and not a credit card that came with a free cheeseburger down at the Student Union.

As someone who took until the early years of the 21st century to pay off a top-of-the-line VCR and 35mm camera bought back when Scott Frost was under center, I can say with reasonable authority that college years purchases don’t have much of a shelf life once you’re out in the real world.

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2015 Oregon Ducks Preview

This site did not get hacked. We really are running an Oregon preview.

With Oregon being the team that the majority of Husker Nation covets… what with their explosive offense, head coach in-waiting Scott Frost, and those fancy pants non-adidas uniforms, there’s no denying the Ducks are the cat’s pajamas so it makes perfect sense to give a glimpse of just how much greener the grass grows in Eugene.

Plus, there’s that whole thing about the Ducks being Mike Riley’s Oklahoma, K-State, Colorado, Miami, and Wisconsin rolled into one AND Oregon just happens to be the marquee non-conference match up for the next two years. And let’s not forget about this season’s common opponent Michigan State.

So, in an effort to help Husker Nation to decide if we should start quaking in our collective boots about next season, we enlisted the help of Jason Selby, a junior at the University of Oregon and a contributor to FishDuck.com, the go-to site for Oregon sports. (Think HuskerMax without the doomsday vibe in the message boards.)

Jason was kind enough to write a preview for us. Our only word of warning is read it at your own risk. If you think the Ducks are going to have a drop off following the end of the Marcus Mariota era, guess again. Like the Huskers of yore, they don’t have to rebuild. They just reload with fresh young talent.

Take it away Jason…

If you asked for my opinion on the Ducks offense coming into this season immediately after the brutal loss to Ohio State in the College Football Championship Game, I would have been concerned.  Losing Marcus Mariota made everything seem difficult again – fans were happy for him, but worried about the team.  Questions about who the quarterback was going to be formed a thick cloud over what was still a very talented offense to be.

The Spring Game on May 2 helped answer a lot of questions.  Long-time Mariota backup Jeff Lockie commanded the offense, throwing for 223 yards and three TD’s.  When asked after the game about Lockie’s performance, head coach Mark Heflrich said, “He played well.  As far as being ‘the guy,’ he has done everything right.  He has had an awesome spring.” Former Eastern Washington star QB Vernon Adams Jr. has graduated from his alma mater with a year of eligibility remaining, and is now officially a Duck. We’ll see how long Lockie can hold up at the top of the depth chart.
(UPDATE: Vernon Adams Jr. has been named Oregon’s week one starter.)

Jeff Lockie
With that #8 guy now in the NFL, Oregon’s offense could be helmed by longtime understudy Jeff Lockie. (Photo Credit – Kevin Cline)

Adams has been off limits to media and will remain so until he sees action on the field, which is in line with Oregon’s policy that no first year players (even if they’ve have years of experience) are allowed to speak to the press until they play. While his play making ability during fall camp has been impressive, Adams is self-admittedly behind Lockie when it comes to mastering Oregon’s complex playbook.

The Ducks get a dynamic scoring threat in Bralon Addison back from an ACL injury that caused him to miss the entire 2014 season.  Along with Addison, the Ducks have Byron Marshall, Devon Allen (hopeful to return from an ACL injury), Darren Carrington (suspended from the Championship game because of a positive marijuana test), Dwayne Stanford, and a slew of freshman talent that are sure to find roles in the offense throughout the season.

Heading into fall camp, Oregon’s high flying receiving corps was expected to complimented by a heavy run based attack but that plan hit a snag when it was announced that 5 star running back Thomas Tyner would be out for the season following a shoulder injury.

With Tyner out, sophomore Royce Freeman looks to retain his title of Oregon’s feature back which he rightfully earned after Tyner was out for a stretch during 2014. Freeman had an incredible freshman campaign (Pac-12 Offensive Freshman of the Year) that saw him run for 1,365 yards, and 18 TDs.

Royce Freeman
Sophomore running back Royce Freeman will again shoulder the load for the Ducks’ ground game. (Photo Credit – Craig Strobeck)

In a recent interview with FishDuck.com writer Daniel Kantor, Ducks linebacker Rodney Hardrick praised the Pac-12 freshman of the year: “He reminds me of some guys we played last season, not going to name any names.  He is such a great athlete; it is exciting to play against him every day.”

Look for red shirt freshman Tony Brooks-James to be Freeman’s top back up with Kani Benoit and possibly receiver Byron Marshall rounding out Oregon’s rotation of running backs by committee.

Even with Oregon’s 1b running back out for the season, the amount of talent that this offense has is enough to make coaches in the Pac-12 dizzy.

Oregon Defense

 Last season, the Ducks gave up close to 430 yards per game, including a total of 2,481 yards on the ground.  However, the defense finished at No.31 in the country with 23.6 points per game.  With an offense that averaged over 46 points per game, the defense just needed to survive in order to win.

The disparity caused by the actual amount of yards given up, compared to the amount of points allowed, is due to the opportunities that the defense created for itself.  Much like Florida State did in the Rose Bowl, teams marched down the field on the Ducks, but made one mistake, leading to a very costly turnover.

This year’s defense will have to deal with replacing massive defensive end Arik Armstead, who was drafted with the No.17 pick by the San Francisco 49ers.  Very talented senior DeForest Buckner, along with 5-star recruit Canton Kaumatule look to solidify a defensive line that underachieved on many levels last season.

DeForest Buckner
DeForest Buckner probably doesn’t get a lot of run, DeForest, run heckles. (Photo Credit – Kevin Cline)

Losing All-American defensive back Ifo Ekpre-Olomu will be tough for this team to overcome.  Guys have been stepping up from all over, and it’s still unclear who will steal the show.  Charles Nelson, who many got to know for his play making ability as a freshman wide receiver last year, has made the switch to defensive back to help the depleted unit.

Charles Nelson
Charles Nelson-  Oregon’s version of DPE. (Photo Credit – Kevin Cline)

The defensive woes last year came from the inconsistent play of the linebackers.  This was made very evident in the thrashing that Buckeyes running back Ezekiel Elliott handed out to the tune of 246 yards, and three TD’s.  Returning linebackers Joe Walker, Danny Mattingly, Tyson Coleman, Christian French, and the aforementioned Hardrick must work on securing more tackles and giving up less big plays.

Joe Walker
Oregon linebacker Joe Walker. Not to be confused with Nebraska’s Joe Walker. (Photo Credit – Kevin Cline)

Much like the offense, the defense has the players it needs to be successful – it’s all about finding the right combination.  In an interview with Chantel Jennings of ESPN.com, defensive coordinator Don Pellum said, “We lost some terrific players, but I think overall in terms of depth and experience, we are far ahead of where we were a year ago.”

I’m Buying the Ducks in 2015

 I am betting big on the Ducks this year.  I expect the Ducks to reel in 11 wins during the regular season, with the most difficult match up being at Michigan State week 2.  A late season match up against USC comes at the perfect time, as the Ducks will look to cement its top dog status in the Pac-12.

The immense amount of talent that this team has will certainly be exciting to watch.  It will be interesting watching the offense operate without Marcus Mariota, but there comes a time where every program must move on.  This will be another exciting year for the Oregon Ducks.

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Our Top 25 Google Search Terms

How do you Google?

Thanks to the wonderful powers of magic, it’s easy to see exactly how some of you have used the Google when it comes to finding this little corner of the Husker internet. Most searches were bland and normal, some were a little crazy, and a few are worth immortalizing.

These are the top 25 Google searches that have lead people to Big Red Fury.

25. husker fanny pack

Husker Fanny Pack
Pity the fool who got one of these for Christmas.

24. scott frost girlfriend

Don’t know who Scott is currently dating but on more than a few occasions I did witness him cruising for chicks in his Wood River letterman jacket at the Conestoga Mall way back in the day.

23. mike riley affair

Wait… what? Does Coach Riley have a secret sidepiece a la Frank Solich?

22. tim miles dumb

Tim Miles

After this week’s loss against Iowa, Coach Miles is probably more frustrated than dumb.

21. wisconsion badger racoon selfie

Have you ever seen so much confusion in only four words? There may be two Os in Goose but there’s only one O in Wisconsin. We’ll just leave it at that.

20. selfie de old yeller

Not to sound like a broken record but have you ever seen so much confusion in only four words?

19. faux pelini knock knock joke about new head coach

If you have to turn to the Google to find a knock-knock joke that was made on the Twitter, how are you able to even dress yourself in the morning? This search was so bizarre Faux had to know about it.

Faux Pelini Knock Knock Joke Twitter

18. nebraska cornhuskers suck

Hey now.

17. dirk chatelin writer omaha world herals paper

From this point forward, the World-Herald will now be referred to as the World-Herals and Dirk Chatelin is the evil twin of Dirk Chatelain.

16.  usc song girls at the holiday bowl

15. holiday bowl usc cheerleaders

14. usc song girls holiday bowl

13. holiday bowl 2014 song girls

12. song girls usc nebraska

When in doubt, boobs in sweaters get the page views. Every time. Thank you for reading this far. Song Girls are your reward.

USC SONG GIRLS

USC SONG GIRL DIVING BOARD

11. analysis of the bad news bears

Bad News Bears - Open Liquor in the Car

Uh OK. Through the lens of 2015, the original Bad News Bears is a wonderful time capsule, capturing a bygone era where causal racism, drunk driving, and beating kids in public were all socially acceptable. Its underlying theme of valuing fun over competition and doing the best you can remains true to this day.

10. forum huskermax www tunnel walk shame

After a long season, all Husker sites start looking alike.

9. gif jake cotton knocked over by jedi husker

Poor guy will never live that down.

8. which husker player recorded bo meeting

That’s a secret we’d all love to know. Maybe the Omaha World-Herals’ Dirk Chatelin will tell us some day.

7. bear riding a shark

Bear Riding a Shark

Seriously. This one warms the cockles of my heart so much.

6. mike riley gotta make dur

Mike Riley gotta make dur what? Big bucks? Playoffs? Dur-licious tacos?

5. mike riley is full of shit

I respectfully disagree. Coach Riley seems like a very nice and sincere guy.

4. is ron brown going to be able to stay coaching at ne after peleni let go

You very easily could have been reading a list of the top 25 Google searches for Ron Brown. This was by far the best.

3. does bo pelini hate dirk chatelain

Think we all know the answer to that one.

2. is bo pelini on the cusp

How little did we know.

1. peace out bitches pelini

What do you think Pelini is up to right now? Not trolling. Just curious.

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The Most Bizarre Lawrence Phillips Story You’ve Never Heard

This a here story we’re about to unfold about Lawrence Philips is true.

If we set out to make up a Lawrence Phillips story, there is no conceivable way we’d ever come up with this one. Even today it remains one of the most mind boggling things we have ever heard and it will be forever seared into our brains.

Please note: There will be a term used that is not appropriate in this day and age or ever. Sure, we could omit it but this is a story that, even if given a revisionist sugar coating, would be no less shocking.

December 14th, 1996. It was a Saturday. The Huskers were a week removed from being upset by Texas in the inaugural Big 12 Championship game. The plan to appear in a 4th consecutive national championship game and finally cross Florida State off the list was blown off the rails due to a flu stricken Husker squad and John Mackovic’s cajones to call for a back breaking pass on 4th and inches.

This day was also the birthday of contributor Kubrickian Glee and myself.  As a pair of struggling students at UNL, it was a day we looked forward to because daVinci’s just didn’t give you a free slice of pizza on your birthday, they hooked you up with a full meal on the house. Lucky for us, their 11th and G location couldn’t be any closer to our respective crap holes at 13th and G and 9th and E.

We met for a late lunch around 4:30. Somewhere behind a blanket of grey clouds the sun was setting. It was a perfect gloomy December day.

Once we showed our IDs to the semi-baffled waitress, we were seated for our complimentary birthday feast.

The only other guest was a little old lady who was preparing to leave. Even through our everyone-over-30-is-old eyes, she had to be at least 80 if not a decade older. Her waitress helped her get into a bright red pea coat and tied her doggy bag around the top rail of her silver walker and said her goodbyes. At the speed she was moving, returning next week for an early bird special was far from a given. Before setting off across the restaurant, she put a lavender knit cap on her head. Decades of practice placed it just so on the first try.

As she clomped past our booth, Kubrickian and I both acknowledged her with the courteous, yet forced smile you give your grandma  right before she lays a big fat kiss on your cheek.

That was all the in she needed. She stopped dead in her four pronged tracks and said “I don’t know about you boys but I’m still terribly upset about the game last week.”

“So are we, ma’am. We really thought they were going to win.”

“They would have won if they hadn’t chased that colored running back out of town. He would have been a senior this year. I really think that boy got a raw deal.”

Kubrickian and I both looked at each other. Our jaws were on the precipice of dropping all the way to the table. Was she talking about Lawrence Phillips?

Before we had the chance to ask, she continued.

“I’m still not sure about that white boy who’s playing quarterback now. He just looks so lost out there. The Arizona State game was heartbreaking.”

We nodded in agreement to that one.

“And it’s his fault that colored boy got in all that trouble. He shouldn’t have been catting around with his girlfriend. She was clearly a whore anyway. You know how it was all over the news that he dragged her down the stairs by her hair? Do you know what I would have done?”

Kubrickian and I were speechless by this point.

“I would have dragged her down the stairs by her feet so her head could have bounced on each and every step. That’s what I would have done. You boys have a nice night.”

And with that, she was off into the darkness.

RIP crazy little old lady Husker fan, wherever you may be.

Lawrence PhillipsLawrence Phillips rushed for 206 yards against Michigan State. Then he returned to Lincoln and brutally assaulted his former girlfriend.

Lawrence Phillips Prison
Feel free to drop him a note c/o Kern Valley State Prison sometime.

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Will You Back Our Kickstarter?

SERIOUS QUESTION: As yesterday’s chapter in the search for next coach of the Huskers unfolded, how many times did you see nuggets of news and speculation that were solely based off of flight plans of private jets on FlightAware?

It’s hard for us to remember all the way back to yesterday, but we believe our count was three, a flight from Portland to Lincoln (Scott Frost!), a round tripper from Lincoln to Columbus, OH (Jim Tressel!) and a late afternoon flight from Lincoln to Fayetteville, AR (Bret Bielema, WTF!?!)

None of those flights hauled back our new coach and at some point when the Bielema shuttle was likely flying high over Missouri, Bret fired off a tweet claiming to be in Indianapolis, effectively crushing that rumor and squashing parody Twitter account dreams.

RIP, @BretBielemasGut.

We’re sorry we didn’t even get the chance to take you to The Watering Hole. You would have really liked that place.

However, rising like a Phoenix from the ashes came an idea. An idea so crazy it just might work (Pending approval from Kickstarter, of course.)

Ladies and gentlemen, dear readers, and Dirk Chatelain loyalists who just dropped by to hate, you are the first to see…

THE ULTIMATE TROLLING OF COLLEGE FOOTBALL FANS

Yes, this is a real project. And. It. Will. Be. Glorious.

Kickstarter Screen Grab
(Pending approval from Kickstarter, of course.)

The Nutt of the project is simple: Once the 2015 coaching shake up sorts its self out, we will book private jet flights all around college football land causing mayhem to ensue.

Image the rumor mill meltdown if a flights from towns all suddenly lacking a head coach all made stops in Tuscaloosa and Tallahassee.

It would be so nuts that Susan Powter might even return from obscurity with a plea to stop the insanity.

You can read all about it over on Kickstarter. As of right now, all the t’s have been dotted and the i’s crossed and it’s in the queue for final approval.

If Kickstarter gives this baby the greenlight, this time next year we will be having a lot of fun.

As long as enough kind souls kick down $50,000.

 

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7 Off the Radar Candidates for Next Huskers Coach

What have you heard about who will be the next head coach of the Huskers?

Do you believe Simone, the girl from economics class whose best friend’s sister’s boyfriend’s brother’s girlfriend heard from this guy who knows this kid who’s going with the girl who says she saw Jim Tressel and Scott Frost spoon feeding each other ice cream down at 31 Flavors?

Or, do you believe that Steve Pederson Shawn Eichorst has an entirely different ace up his sleeve? A big fish already on the hook just waiting to be reeled in.

Who really knows?

In the meantime, while the “real media” stakes out airports around the country (can’t trust that damn flight tracker) we break down some strong off the radar options for next head coach of the Huskers.

Coach Danny O’Shea

Danny O'Shea

As the kid brother of Heisman Trophy winner Kevin O’Shea, Danny is a fairly new coach who brings a fresh perspective to the game. If the Huskers lose a lot of recruits in transition, Coach O’Shea has proven himself to be more than capable of assembling a winning team out of whatever young cast-offs may be available and is a great motivator without having to do all that nasty screaming and yelling.

The key areas of concern for Coach O’Shea are that he’s from Ohio (might be best to avoid coaches from that state for a while) and his trusted offensive coordinator may rely on a computer a little too much for the average Nebraskan’s palate. If you thought Tim Beck’s play calls were odd, then you haven’t seen the Annexation of Puerto Rico.

Coach Ed Ainsworth

Quarterback Princess

A candidate from the high school ranks, Coach Ainsworth’s program is based out of Oregon so you know some of that Scott Frost magic has had to have rubbed off on him. And get this, his most recent state championship winning team had a chick at quarterback!  Like, she was born was born that way and not one of those new fangled Gender Identity Disorder types you’d see on Portlandia. Just imagine what he could do with a dude under center. That’s right, his offense is based out of the I-formation!

Coach Jimmy McGinty

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If you thought T-Magic was a flake, try corralling Shane Falco. Coach McGinty brings an old-school attitude to the table without the hard-assed demeanor. Aside from being able to coach on short notice, his greatest skill is building a team. Give him a random group of scrubs from around the globe and he’ll turn them into a playoff contender.

Two random bits of Replacements trivia that will make you say whoa: The Replacements was Keanu’s second movie where he plays a former Ohio State quarterback. (If you don’t know the first, there’s no help for you.) And his job scraping barnacles off boats must have inspired Todd Marinovich because he really did that as an odd job.

Coach Venner

Coach Venner

You want a coach with out-of-the-box thinking? Coach Venner dissected the rulebook and discovered there’s nothing that says you can’t sign a Yugoslavian (try finding that country on a current map) mule capable of kicking 100 yard field goals.

Following his successful run with the California Atoms, Coach Venner’s career shifted gears and he started managing an apartment building in Santa Monica. He really seems to dig the new gig and the “talent” at Harry’s Wonder Bar might not be strong enough to lure him away from the babes he loves chasing down at his local watering hole The Regal Beagle.

Coach Sam Winters

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A proven winner at Eastern State University, Coach Winters’ Timberwolves are coming off an uncharacteristic 3 loss season. Couple those losses with a rash of scandals off the field and you have two big chunks of Husker fan kryptonite. On the upside, this does make the baggage of Jim Tressel’s Tattoo-Gate almost seem adorable.

Coach Harris

Coach Harris

As the head coach of the college level Atoms, Coach Harris leads a very strong program though rather curiously, not much film exists of his team in action. He’s a great motivator in the locker room but his I’m-one-of-the-guys-too leadership style may be the catalyst for his team’s penchant for distractions off the field. If Jason Peter somehow ends up on the new Husker staff, he and Coach Harris could stir up trouble like it was the mid 90’s all over again.

Coach Ed Gennero

Coach Ed Gennero

If a prolonged absence of a head coach turns the Husker football program into a pile of steaming hot garbage, Coach Gennero is just the man to extinguish the dumpster fire. The entire team quits out of loyalty to Bo? Coach Gennero doesn’t care. He’ll get Sinbad to anchor his defensive line and have everyone play ironman football.

He even has the “Jerry Kill factor” where he’s prone to ending up in the hospital on the eve of big games (always a clutch move for motivation). And that unfortunately leads to the biggest drawback of all. As much as Husker fans say they just want to be competitive, there’s no way in hell that Husker Nation would accept a coach who calls success winning ONE game in an entire season.

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