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Rickey Thenarse Arrested on Burglary Charges (Again)

The Lincoln Journal Star reports that former Husker safety Rickey Thenarse has been arrested on burglary charges.

RICKEY-THENARSE-MUGSHOT
Rickey Thenarse via Mugshots.com

A recruit of Bill Callahan, Thenarse was briefly a member of the Seattle Seahawks  and apparently a grad assistant at Nevada before spiraling into a descent of poorly thought out petty theft.

Thenarse’s most recent arrest stems from an incident on January 14 in which a computer and several DVDs were reported stolen. (This is not to be confused with another bumbled burglary on January 24. )

WTF, who still even has DVDs? And who thinks they’d be a valuable commodity on the black market in 2015?

We know the answer to the second question would be Rickey Thenarse.

At least he didn’t waste valuable time rummaging through old shoe boxes on a quest to find a hidden collection of Cassingles buried like it was the Ark of the Covenant.

Then again, those would probably be worth more on eBay than DVDs at a Pawn Shop.

And this is all speculation, but our official Big Red Fury Magic 8-Ball says all signs point to Thenarse not being enough of a criminal mastermind to wipe the victim’s computer before attempting to exchange it for some valuable loot.

It’s not hard to imagine how that one played out.

“Hi, is this (anonymous victim)?”

“OK, great. This is Bill down at Capital City Pawn. Some big guy just returned your computer to us for some reason. We’re open till 6 if you want to pick it up tonight. Otherwise, we’ll reopen tomorrow at 9.”

Here’s the deal, Rickey. You’ve been rung up three times in four months dating back to November’s petty theft charge. (Btdubs, good job not getting arrested over the holidays.)

In all seriousness, don’t you think it might be time for a change of course? A new plan of action?

I’m not exactly a career counselor or a life coach but I did stand in line behind Tony Robbins at a Coffee Bean once so I feel I’m qualified to suggest that instead of strong arm robbing people of their Zoolander DVDs, why don’t you try gently knocking on the door of the next house you think about robbing?

Then, when it opens, say “Hi, I’m former Husker Rickey Thenarse. Maybe you remember me doing this on Tom Osborne Field?” (This is where you’d throw the bones for added flair.) “I’m a little hard up for cash right now and was wondering if you’d have any Husker items you’d like me to sign. Or, if I’m interrupting dinner, maybe I could join you and tell you some stories?  Heck, I’ll even wash the dishes when we’re done.”

Yes, Rickey. I know that sounds embarrassing but it can’t be any worse than what you’ve already done.

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