Tag Archives: jim tressel

Bo Pelini Pulls a Kenny Powers, Returns Home to Youngstown

It’s official. Bo Pelini is relocating his beloved Panty Dropper from Holmes Lake to the smooth currents of the Mahoning River.

Bo Pelini Panty Dropper
Coach Pelini pauses during one last spin around Holmes Lake to contemplate where it all went wrong.

In a move that went from flatly denied rumor to stone cold reality in the span of a week, Bo Pelini has been confirmed as the next head coach of the Youngstown State Penguins.

Pelini Youngstown State
Even we could have figured out how Photoshop the N from Pelini’s hat. It might have taken a YouTube tutorial or five but we would have found a way.

If you paid at least 10 minutes worth of attention to Husker football over the past seven years, then it’s been beaten into your skull that Pelini is a native son of Youngstown, Ohio.

Since he graduated from The Ohio State University back in 1990, the population of Youngstown has plummeted by over 30,000 leaving this rust belt hamlet a battered shadow of its former self. With just over 65,000 residents today, Youngstown is little more than half the size it was when Pelini spent his summers painting houses with the Stoops brothers. And that’s a gig most likely in very low demand as Youngstown boasts a vacant housing rate over 20 times higher than the national average.

For more on the history of the Steel City, we turn to Bruce Springsteen, who, as you know, played a sold-out show at Youngstown’s Stambaugh Auditorium back in 1996.

While on the surface, it looks like Pelini decided that slumming it down in the FCS was as good a ticket as any to get the hell out of Lincoln, we’re genuinely excited for the guy, his new team, and his hometown because this whole scenario is the perfect set up for a goddamn Disney movie.

Then again, we are talking about Bo so Kenny Powers might be the better parallel.

BPKP GYM CLASS

Watch this video and think Bo Pelini every time Kenny Powers refers to himself in the third person and the move to Youngstown will all make sense.

Is Bo Pelini a champion or a has-been who was lucky to wash up back home coaching a glorified intramurals team with a guy in a sweater vest watching his every move?
Cutler and Jim Tressel
Powers had Terrance Culter as his boss. Pelini will have Jim Tressel. 

We’ll find out next September when Pelini’s Penguins head down I-76 to take on Steve Pedersen’s Pitt Panthers.

It will be a game that should have even his biggest haters pulling for him.

Best of luck, Coach Pelini. We’ll be looking forward to seeing you and the Penguins playing on the OCHO.

One final note: If you’re like us and felt compelled to shop for Youngstown State gear, you have to click View all 500+ NCAA teams on Fanatics.com.

Screen Shot 2014-12-16 at 11.21.25 PM

Then, to save you the hassle of scrolling through all 500+ teams, just go directly to the end of the list. Youngstown State is the very last team.

Fanatics 1

But as of yesterday, they’re suddenly a sentimental number two in our hearts.

 

Share

Will You Back Our Kickstarter?

SERIOUS QUESTION: As yesterday’s chapter in the search for next coach of the Huskers unfolded, how many times did you see nuggets of news and speculation that were solely based off of flight plans of private jets on FlightAware?

It’s hard for us to remember all the way back to yesterday, but we believe our count was three, a flight from Portland to Lincoln (Scott Frost!), a round tripper from Lincoln to Columbus, OH (Jim Tressel!) and a late afternoon flight from Lincoln to Fayetteville, AR (Bret Bielema, WTF!?!)

None of those flights hauled back our new coach and at some point when the Bielema shuttle was likely flying high over Missouri, Bret fired off a tweet claiming to be in Indianapolis, effectively crushing that rumor and squashing parody Twitter account dreams.

RIP, @BretBielemasGut.

We’re sorry we didn’t even get the chance to take you to The Watering Hole. You would have really liked that place.

However, rising like a Phoenix from the ashes came an idea. An idea so crazy it just might work (Pending approval from Kickstarter, of course.)

Ladies and gentlemen, dear readers, and Dirk Chatelain loyalists who just dropped by to hate, you are the first to see…

THE ULTIMATE TROLLING OF COLLEGE FOOTBALL FANS

Yes, this is a real project. And. It. Will. Be. Glorious.

Kickstarter Screen Grab
(Pending approval from Kickstarter, of course.)

The Nutt of the project is simple: Once the 2015 coaching shake up sorts its self out, we will book private jet flights all around college football land causing mayhem to ensue.

Image the rumor mill meltdown if a flights from towns all suddenly lacking a head coach all made stops in Tuscaloosa and Tallahassee.

It would be so nuts that Susan Powter might even return from obscurity with a plea to stop the insanity.

You can read all about it over on Kickstarter. As of right now, all the t’s have been dotted and the i’s crossed and it’s in the queue for final approval.

If Kickstarter gives this baby the greenlight, this time next year we will be having a lot of fun.

As long as enough kind souls kick down $50,000.

 

Share

7 Off the Radar Candidates for Next Huskers Coach

What have you heard about who will be the next head coach of the Huskers?

Do you believe Simone, the girl from economics class whose best friend’s sister’s boyfriend’s brother’s girlfriend heard from this guy who knows this kid who’s going with the girl who says she saw Jim Tressel and Scott Frost spoon feeding each other ice cream down at 31 Flavors?

Or, do you believe that Steve Pederson Shawn Eichorst has an entirely different ace up his sleeve? A big fish already on the hook just waiting to be reeled in.

Who really knows?

In the meantime, while the “real media” stakes out airports around the country (can’t trust that damn flight tracker) we break down some strong off the radar options for next head coach of the Huskers.

Coach Danny O’Shea

Danny O'Shea

As the kid brother of Heisman Trophy winner Kevin O’Shea, Danny is a fairly new coach who brings a fresh perspective to the game. If the Huskers lose a lot of recruits in transition, Coach O’Shea has proven himself to be more than capable of assembling a winning team out of whatever young cast-offs may be available and is a great motivator without having to do all that nasty screaming and yelling.

The key areas of concern for Coach O’Shea are that he’s from Ohio (might be best to avoid coaches from that state for a while) and his trusted offensive coordinator may rely on a computer a little too much for the average Nebraskan’s palate. If you thought Tim Beck’s play calls were odd, then you haven’t seen the Annexation of Puerto Rico.

Coach Ed Ainsworth

Quarterback Princess

A candidate from the high school ranks, Coach Ainsworth’s program is based out of Oregon so you know some of that Scott Frost magic has had to have rubbed off on him. And get this, his most recent state championship winning team had a chick at quarterback!  Like, she was born was born that way and not one of those new fangled Gender Identity Disorder types you’d see on Portlandia. Just imagine what he could do with a dude under center. That’s right, his offense is based out of the I-formation!

Coach Jimmy McGinty

the-replacments1

If you thought T-Magic was a flake, try corralling Shane Falco. Coach McGinty brings an old-school attitude to the table without the hard-assed demeanor. Aside from being able to coach on short notice, his greatest skill is building a team. Give him a random group of scrubs from around the globe and he’ll turn them into a playoff contender.

Two random bits of Replacements trivia that will make you say whoa: The Replacements was Keanu’s second movie where he plays a former Ohio State quarterback. (If you don’t know the first, there’s no help for you.) And his job scraping barnacles off boats must have inspired Todd Marinovich because he really did that as an odd job.

Coach Venner

Coach Venner

You want a coach with out-of-the-box thinking? Coach Venner dissected the rulebook and discovered there’s nothing that says you can’t sign a Yugoslavian (try finding that country on a current map) mule capable of kicking 100 yard field goals.

Following his successful run with the California Atoms, Coach Venner’s career shifted gears and he started managing an apartment building in Santa Monica. He really seems to dig the new gig and the “talent” at Harry’s Wonder Bar might not be strong enough to lure him away from the babes he loves chasing down at his local watering hole The Regal Beagle.

Coach Sam Winters

coach-and-joe-kane-the-program

A proven winner at Eastern State University, Coach Winters’ Timberwolves are coming off an uncharacteristic 3 loss season. Couple those losses with a rash of scandals off the field and you have two big chunks of Husker fan kryptonite. On the upside, this does make the baggage of Jim Tressel’s Tattoo-Gate almost seem adorable.

Coach Harris

Coach Harris

As the head coach of the college level Atoms, Coach Harris leads a very strong program though rather curiously, not much film exists of his team in action. He’s a great motivator in the locker room but his I’m-one-of-the-guys-too leadership style may be the catalyst for his team’s penchant for distractions off the field. If Jason Peter somehow ends up on the new Husker staff, he and Coach Harris could stir up trouble like it was the mid 90’s all over again.

Coach Ed Gennero

Coach Ed Gennero

If a prolonged absence of a head coach turns the Husker football program into a pile of steaming hot garbage, Coach Gennero is just the man to extinguish the dumpster fire. The entire team quits out of loyalty to Bo? Coach Gennero doesn’t care. He’ll get Sinbad to anchor his defensive line and have everyone play ironman football.

He even has the “Jerry Kill factor” where he’s prone to ending up in the hospital on the eve of big games (always a clutch move for motivation). And that unfortunately leads to the biggest drawback of all. As much as Husker fans say they just want to be competitive, there’s no way in hell that Husker Nation would accept a coach who calls success winning ONE game in an entire season.

Share