Tag Archives: big ten

Bo Pelini, Huskers

Monday Rage: Who Woke Up Still Mad About Minnesota?

Well, it’s safe to say things did not go as planned for the Huskers against the Minnesota Golden Gophers.

With the blowout loss against the Badgers still stinging, this week’s stop on the Get Pummeled by the Upper Midwest Tour was such a foregone conclusion that it really wasn’t shocking that Minnesota went home with the Bits of Broken Chair Trophy.

Pitchforks have been sharpened and the tar is starting to bubble in Lincoln. If the Huskers can’t get a win against Iowa on Friday, look for Bo Pelini and company not to be allowed to cross the border back into Nebraska.

If Pelini does go, be it by force or he decides he’s had enough of the “classiest fans in college football” and chooses to peace out, we’d just love to be there when the latest savior of Husker Nation arrives. “Quick, hide the pitchforks! The new guy is here and we gotta act nice… until he loses.”

By this point in your post-Husker loss coping cycle you’re probably in no mood to re-hash Saturday, unless of course you’re an avid contributor to the Huskermax forums where there’s no such thing as beating a dead horse too much.

Seriously, a horse could die, be cremated, have its ashes sprinkled among the seven seas and the average forum poster could find away to bring it back to life just so it could be beaten to death all over again.

So on that note, we’ll just leave you with a few observations.

This was the first text message I received on Saturday.

FullSizeRender

This is what being a Husker fan is all about. Getting up butt ass  early on a Saturday so you can meet up with your buddies for a few hours, cheer on your favorite team, and have a few laughs, no matter the outcome.

Our official Californians for Nebraska watch site that averages around 50 – 75 Husker fans (big games are often standing room only) was down to 14 for Minnesota. Yes, a 9am game on ESPN the weekend before Thanksgiving was a factor but it’s safe to say many fans have called it a season.

FullSizeRender-2Downstairs, a room full of Ohio State fans were having a great little Saturday.

A couple notes about the game-

Yes, DPE’s untimely fumbles sucked but what was he doing during Kenny Bell’s only reception of the game?

KENNYBELL
Kenny set the table for the Minnesota defender to get blocked into next week and DPE just… yells at him? WTF?

Does anybody know the condition of this gentleman? Is he OK? Did he survive the game?

Huskerfan

Compared to last week, the Monday morning mood on Twitter is not so much rage filled as it is business like. When we started writing this post this morning this is what the #Huskers chatter looked like in real-time.  Yes, we know it is now outdated thanks to the speed of Twitter but please forgive us, we had to do some urgent work regarding a little movie known as Star Wars Episode VII. (That big news that came out today? We knew all about it last week.)

So Greg, are you saying every game doesn’t matter? What if the Huskers only lost games that “didn’t” matter? Wouldn’t that suddenly make games that previously matter, matter? What if C-A-T really spelled dog?

Gotta give Jeffrey the edge over Murray on this one. Number one rule of joke writing- get to the punchline in as few words as possible.

And one bonus burn from last night…

DO YOU SEE WHAT YOU’VE DONE, PELINI? CELL PHONE BACKGROUNDS ARE CHANGING BECAUSE OF YOU.

(If you’re keeping score at home, the background on our phone is the pride of all Nebraska, the hallowed McRib.)

Share Button
Big Ten, College Football, Huskers

What if the Huskers Had Beaten Wisconsin?

The dark clouds of the college football apocalypse have settled in hard over Nebraska this week thanks to the Huskers getting taken behind the woodshed by the Wisconsin Badgers.

In just 42 brutal (and record setting) minutes of football at Camp Randall Stadium, all the anxiety, anguish, and rage that had been (mostly) contained by a (mostly) solid season finally breached the dam, causing all hell to finally break loose among Husker Nation.

Days later,  the body blows and nut shots keep coming at Bo Pelini and the team. On Tuesday Omaha World Herald staff writer Dirk Chatelain administered an atomic purple nurple of his own by illustrating how Pelini’s D can be just as horrid as the unspeakable Kevin Cosgrove’s.

But the question we have is this: Would Husker Nation really have been any happier with a win at Wisconsin?

While the obvious, no duh answer is a resounding YES, there’s more to it than that.

Let’s take a journey to an alternate dimension where the Huskers came away with a victory over the Badgers.

In this wholly hypothetical game, we’ll pretend the Huskers won 31 – 17 with all the elements of a solid Husker victory being present and accounted for-

Tommy  went 15/25 and 200 yards and 2TDs.
Ameer ran for 120 and a score of his own.
The Blackshirts added a TD off a scoop and score fumble recovery. AND held Melvin Gordon to under 300 yards rushing.
Drew Brown eased doubts with a 45 yard field goal right down Broadway.

A wave of jubilation immediately follows the game as two years of Badger induced shame and misery is released by the Husker faithful. It is a wholly cathartic moment. Tim Beck is a genius! We never doubted Bo Pelini’s system! The ink is barely dry on the requisite “The Skies the Limit for the Huskers” columns before the first seeds of doubt are planted.

It starts with a contrarian tweet here. A piss in your Cheerios Facebook post there.

Big deal. The Huskers beat a team that lost to Northwestern.

The Badgers scored 17. Plan on Ohio State doubling that- if we can get past Minnesota and Iowa.

Wake me when the Huskers’ biggest win isn’t against a barely ranked team with two bad losses.

We’re still not going to make the playoff.

Our win would have looked so much better if Miami could have held off Florida State.

A few hours later, a snarky column by a certain Omaha World Herald staff writer is published that pinpoints a dire Husker week spot- 2rd down inefficiency on running plays to the short side of the field with less than a minute remaining when going into the wind during the second quarter. It’s such a bizarre nit to pick that fans rally to the defense of the team and coaching staff, righting the good ship Husker Optimism.

And then the College Football Playoff rankings are released.

Even with a convincing victory and a strong Miami effort against Florida State, the Huskers are the lowest ranked one loss team hovering just outside the top 10 and well out of playoff range.

Those same fans who weren’t impressed with the win in the first place are suddenly full of rage at the level of disrespect shown to the Huskers and Big Ten. Angry emails are sent. Calls are made to sports talk shows. An old-timer writes his Congressperson demanding an investigation. Family vacations to Disney World are canceled in a vain effort to keep money out of SEC territory.

HUSKER FAN VENN DIAGRAM
Husker fans diagrammed.

Even if the Huskers won out and finished the regular season 12 – 1, there’s a better chance a one loss TCU team (that doesn’t even have to play a conference championship game) would  snag the final playoff spot leaving the Big Red out in the cold and f-ed in the drive-thru by Texas and the Big XII yet again. In the inaugural year of the College Football Playoff, Husker Nation would have set a high bar for what it means to be a butt hurt fan base.

On the flip side, there’s still a chance the Huskers could lose out and finish the year 8 – 5, snapping that streak of 9 win seasons that didn’t mean much anyway. Just imagine if that happened. That’s six or seven SOLID weeks of justified complaining. Without a September loss or leaked tape this season, that would really make up for lost time on the bitching front.

Long story short, if there’s one thing Husker fans love as much as finger banging their egos with a winning football team, it’s getting to piss and moan about a losing one.

As hard as it can be, just sit back and try to enjoy the ride.

It will be over before you know it.

Share Button
Big Ten, Huskers

Breaking Badgers: Your Huskers vs Wisconsin Preview

If there was ever a time for the Huskers to summon the ghosts of Big Red past and kick the ever loving shit out of a team, it is now.

Here’s the brutal truth. Five minutes after joining the Big Ten, Husker Nation got scared and has been ever since. There’s no denying it. Even in the rock bottom Bill Callahan years, Husker fans may have felt a lot of dread but they never displayed the outright fear that is so palpable today. You can feel it week in and week out in how all the beat writers craft their stories framing Nebraska as the underdog no matter the game. And you can definitely see it on full display deep in the bowels of Huskermax.

It’s time for the Huskers and their legion of fans to remember who they really are, go kick some ass, and take a few names along the way.

In the immortal words of Ric Flair, to be the man, you gotta beat the man. And this week that man is named Bucky.

This year the Freedom Trophy is at stake for the first time. Fans have been moaning about this being a thinly veiled attempt to manufacture a rivalry. The Huskers and Badgers are going to be squaring off every year for the foreseeable future so why not put a little something at stake? Nebraska fans making the road trip to Madison could do their part  to make help this a memorable rivalry if everyone by celebrated the Huskers’ victory by stealing a porch couch on the way out of town. Imagine the reaction. They beat our football team and stole our shitty couches? Oh, it is on.

Speaking of Madison, for everyone butt hurt about rude Badger fans, three words- grow a pair. My very first football game experience was walking across Nebraska’s former Third City to attend the big Barr vs Walnut showdown as an 80lb seventh grader. If my nerdy 12-year-old self could make it through the junior high version of The Warriors unscathed, there’s no reason fans can’t handle the heckles of some drunken Badgers. If you can’t think of a good comeback, keep “Go eat some cheese” in your back pocket. Yes it’s dumb and yes sounds just like the “Go eat some corn” you’ve heard a million times and that’s just why it might work.

If you’re still not sold on the rivalry here you go.

Reasons to dislike Wisconsin–

1. The Badgers’ turnaround as a college football program was modeled after Nebraska. We won’t even get started on the knock off uniforms.
2. Wisconsin is the only state in the union where your first DUI is a mere traffic violation.
3. All the goddamn mosquitoes.
4. Pabst was sold to the Russians.
5. A carney once ripped me off in Wisconsin Dells.

Confidence: Confidence? I’ve been listening to The Sword in heavy rotation since Tuesday. There’s no way I’m not going to show up to our watch site and eat nachos and yell at the TV like a boss.

With regards to the Huskers, here’s hoping the bye week plunge in the College Football Playoff poll put a chip on their shoulders that will carry them through to the Big Ten Championship Game.

In other words, this needs to be Huskers’ attitude.

(Apologies for the obligatory UHF post but hey, it just came out on Blu-Ray this week!)

Scouting Report: Ooooh… Wisconsin could use a different quarterback from play to play. Big deal. That’s just another QB for Randy Gregory to torment. For him it will be 2 for 1 day at Camp Randall Stadium. Don’t be surprised to see Joel Stave and Tanner McEvoy get in a sideline slap fight over whose turn it is to go in and get creamed.

Macho Man Randy Gregory

Ooooh… Wisconsin has a Heisman contender in running back Melvin Gordon. Come at the Blackshirts, bro. He’ll be a refreshing break from having to deal with Ameer and Imani at practice.

Ooooh… Wisconsin’s offensive and defensive lines are forces to be reckoned with. Tell those thigh rubbers a Groupon for cheese curds just dropped and see how fast they find a way to waddle off the field.

Ooooh… Wisconsin has the Jet Sweep in their playbook. Um, that could pose a problem.

For a detailed breakdown of the Badgers that includes actual statistics, check out Corn Nation.

Ideal Scenario:  Somehow, someway the Huskers get the win and that way is by dominating on both sides of the ball. Over on D, Randy Gregory finally has his Ndamukong Suh Big XII Championship Game with his sacks coming after the Blackshirts shut down the Badger running game.

On the offensive side of things, the Huskers put together a mistake free game and the question about Ameer’s durability never comes up because it doesn’t have to. He runs wild and free for a couple big TD’s but otherwise doesn’t spend too many plays going between the tackles. In a flash of brilliance that impresses even his most passionate haters, Tim Beck keeps the Badger D off balance and guessing by running a lot of plays out of the seldom seen Diamond Formation. Imagine the havoc a backfield of Tommy, Imani, Ameer and De’Mornay could wreak.  Last but not least Kenny Bell finally and deservedly breaks Johnny Rodgers all-time reception record.

Over/Under on Angry Bo Close Ups: 7 – Not gonna lie. This game could get rough and ABC/ESPN will be all over it.

A Question That Needs an Answer: Is Ameer 100%? We. Will. Find. Out.

Share Button
Big Ten, Huskers

A Wisconsin Horror Story

This is a story about the time Nebraska played Wisconsin for the Big Ten Championship.

It’s a night Husker Nation would love to forget but the gruesome events that transpired on December 1, 2012 will be forever seared into the collective psyche of the unfortunate souls who witnessed the massacre at Lucas Oil Field.

While I was lucky enough to not see a single second of the game live, I felt nearly every Badger gut punch in real-time.

On that fateful night, two of my favorite things collided. It was a classic case of the unstoppable force vs the immovable object. In one corner you had the Huskers’ showdown with Wisconsin and in the other, my biggest cyclocross race of the 2012 campaign. It was getting late in the season and I was locked in a vicious battle for a mediocre ranking in a mediocre division. It was a race I couldn’t afford to skip. (Full disclosure: amateur bicycle racing has about as much at stake as a slow pitch softball league.)

My race started at 5:15, the same time as kickoff. With a little luck, I could make it to the watch site in time for the second half. The only snag in the plan was the weather. It was as bad as it could get for Los Angeles in December, low 50’s and rain flying in all directions. Thanks to a couple of ill-timed crashes late in the race, I plummeted out of a spot comfortably in the top ten and crossed the finish line in a battered 21st place, soaking wet and covered in mud from head to toe. For the record, it was a very hard fought 21st place. I didn’t quit and kept racing to the end.

As soon as I recombulated myself, I made a beeline to the car and dug out my phone to get an update on the game.

36 new texts were waiting for me. Immediately, my mind start racing about I how could possibly fill all the requests for Rose Bowl couch space without ending up divorced.

Then I started reading the messages.

They started out hopeful. Some Huskers! and GBRs! around kick off. My brother sent me a pic from his seats at the game. An enterprising buddy who knew of my personal crisis recorded T-Magic’s ridiculous touchdown run off his TV and sent me the video.

He closed his message by saying “It’s still early. Hope the Huskers can make a comeback.”

Wait, what? Taylor’s run made the score 14 – 7. The Huskers were only down a TD. So what. They’ve come back from much worse.

Then I checked the current score. 35 – 10 Wisconsin.

If the Huskers could get to 17 by the half, a victory for the Big Red would not be out of the picture. By the time I finished my comeback calculations, they staggered off the field down 42 – 10.

I was so stunned I didn’t know what to do. I was all packed up and ready to go watch the game but I wasn’t about to schlep over Hollywood just to be the muddy faced weirdo who randomly showed up for the second half.

In a daze, I walked back over to our team’s area on the race course. There would be beer there. I was greeted by a teammate who went to CU and was in the stands for the Huskers meltdown in 2001. “I saw the score. Sorry man. I don’t even know what to say. It’s just brutal.”

We then hugged it out as only people who understand the misery of college football can do.

Texts continued to pour in. Even friends who couldn’t pick a Husker uniform out of a police line up were checking on my well being.

We’re at a bar and saw some scores on the TV. Nebraska’s your team, right? Hope you’re OK. If you need anything give us a call. We’re here for you.

Hey dude. Holla back so I know you’re still with us. Suicide is never a good option.

Stay strong buddy. It’s only a game.

Sorry about the Huskers. Do you have any connections for Rose Bowl tickets?

What happened to the Huskers? Sorry we keep racking up the score. Not.

 That’s what revenge is all about!

Do you have any room at your place if we come out for the Rose Bowl? We promise we won’t wear any Badger gear in the house.

As luck would have it, half my family hails from Wisconsin. Most are UW alums and all are avid sports fans. Packers, Brewers,  and the Badgers and apparently not just for basketball.

I never heard a peep out of any of them about Badger football until Nebraska first met Wisconsin as a member of the Big Ten. Once they blew out the Huskers on their home field, the floodgates opened. Seriously, they could teach a class on Reddit about how to troll for maximum effect.

When Nebraska returned the favor the following year, I took the TO high road and didn’t say a word and neither did they. Unfortunately, their silence just meant they were working on material for the championship game.

It got so bad I turned my phone off midway through the third quarter and didn’t turn it back on until sometime Sunday afternoon.

A text from my brother was waiting for me. It was short. Simple. And to the point.

Dude. I was so depressed I went back to the hotel and ate a $60 steak with my bare hands.

And fuck those cheeseheads!

Can’t wait to see how Saturday plays out.

GBR.

Share Button
Huskers

Dirk Chatelain: Man of Mystery

Omaha World-Herald staff writer Dirk Chatelain is like a puzzle wrapped in an enigma.

In his latest Mad Chatter column, in which he ponders Nebraska’s glorious home slate had they stayed in the Big 12 with West Virgina’s schedule, he dropped a nugget of info in the lead sentence that continues to confound us days later.

Here’s his opening:

Saturday night I’m walking to my car at 21st and R Streets (a long way from Memorial Stadium) when I got to thinking about Nebraska football’s sad relationship with the Big Ten.

Living in Los Angeles, parking will ingrain itself as a major obsession whether you want it to or not. You just can’t help it. So when Omaha World-Herald Staff Writer Dirk Chatelain mentioned he parked all the way down at 21st and R, that got our wheels spinning more than the BS hypothetical situations he was spewing out.

Doesn’t the Omaha World-Herald spring for parking at least in the same ZIP code as Memorial Stadium? You’d think all the web traffic Omaha World-Herald staff writer Dirk Chatelain drives could translate into a few perks.

Doesn’t the Husker sports information department provide parking passes for beloved media juggernauts like Omaha World-Herald staff writer Dirk Chatelain?

If the Husker sports information department doesn’t dole out parking passes, surely they could provide a shuttle service so that Omaha World-Herald staff writer Dirk Chatelain doesn’t have to walk halfway back to Omaha to get his car, right?

Why didn’t Omaha World-Herald staff writer Dirk Chatelain simply hail an Uber? By the time he wrapped up his post-game duties, surge pricing would be over meaning his ride would be $5 – 7 at most. And when you factor in not having to pay for a prime parking spot near the stadium, you could even end up saving money with an Uber. But why does that even matter because Omaha World-Herald staff writer Dirk Chatelain has a legit expense account, right?

Even if he didn’t want to spend the money, why didn’t Omaha World-Herald staff writer Dirk Chatelain pull an Ochocinco and harness the power of his 14,000+ Twtter followers for a ride? One can only imagine the mad rush to pick him up would play out like a fan-made Fast and Furious movie. Who in their right mind wouldn’t burn a little rubber and run a few stop signs for the chance to do Omaha World-Herald staff writer Dirk Chatelain a favor on a Saturday night?

But what exactly is around 21st and R streets anyway?
WHERE DIRK PARKS
A look at the Google tells shows us that the intersection of 21st & R doesn’t technically exist.

That means Omaha World-Herald staff writer Dirk Chatelain was either being very general with his description or he was being precise and he actually parks in a field far, far away from the stadium for the same reason Patrick Swayze drove a beater in Road House.

Or… a third option… Omaha World-Herald staff writer Dirk Chatelain was cunningly feeding the trolls and haters by fibbing all along and doesn’t actually park at 21st and R.

As someone who incited the rage of East Campus for a solid two out of five years during my time at Husker U, I know all too well that motivated angry people will stop at nothing to find you to “have a few words” in real life and can be easily fooled.

Much like Omaha World-Herald staff writer Dirk Chatelain name checking his 21st and R parking spot, I once mentioned in print that I loved starting each morning with a spirited run around the state capitol. I can’t remember why I even said I was a avid morning runner but it was a statement that was full of crap.

A week later, a friend who had a class on East Campus called. She was equal parts mortified and amused. Apparently a couple of farmer types in her class were complaining to each other that I was nowhere to be found on the sidewalks ringing the Penis of the Plains.

In other words, they were running a stakeout to find me. Knowing full well how much I was disliked, a vigorous bull dogging would have been the least to expect.

So well played with your fictitious parking spot, Omaha World-Herald staff writer Dirk Chatlain. Well played.

Here’s hoping you do a drive-by after the Minnesota game and snag a photo of your most loyal readers milling about in a vacant lot with axe handles and lead pipes.

 

Share Button
Big Ten, Huskers

Recap: A Steaming Pile of Purdue-doo

Let’s count the ways things did not go the Huskers’ way against Purdue-

Ameer gets taken out of the game (and possibly longer?) after he gets crushed by his own lineman trying to recover a botched snap on 4th and goal from the Purdue one yard-line.

(Feel free to count snap issues and goal line inefficiency as individual problems if you are so inclined.)

Roommates Tommy Armstrong and Jordan Westerkamp were on the wrong page to the tune of two interceptions.

A Blackshirt  interception turned fumble essentially gave Purdue eight downs from inside the Huskers’ 30 yard-line.

True freshman kicker Drew Brown missed his third field goal in four attempts.

Now let’s count the ways things went right-

After all the offensive, offensive miscues, pulled boners, and Tim Beck over-thinking, the Huskers still won handily.

The Blackshirts held Purdue to 14 points the same total the Boilermakers notched against Notre Dame. Don’t forget they hung 31 points on Michigan State.

Two blocked punts.

Bo Pelini got a sideline penalty and it wasn’t due to taking a swing at an official!

When a 21 point victory over Purdue can feel like a loss to Iowa State, you gotta take a step back and admit that’s a good problem to have when moving into November with an 8 – 1 record.

As frustrating as the game was to listen to (for the record, I still haven’t watched a single highlight), it’s hard to get that upset.

Nine games into the season, we still haven’t seen this edition of the Huskers at their best and we certainly haven’t seen them at their worst. The pendulum has swung in both directions all year long without reaching one extreme or the other. If you think they reached a new low against Purdue, congrats on having a very short memory.

Will playing above average with spurts of greatness and stupidity be enough to beat Wisconsin in Madison? Who knows?

November is shaping up to be an entertaining month so sit back and try to enjoy the ride as best you can. There aren’t many teams that can claim to have an equal chance at making the playoff as making the Meineke Car Care Fight Hunger with Pepperoni Pizza Bowl.

**On a completey unrelated note, the Purdue game was the first time I listened to a Huskers’ radio broadcast from pre-game to post-game in its entirety since Ball State was a missed field goal away from an upset in Lincoln.

Video streaming didn’t work so well out in the middle of nowhere but Greg Sharpe and Matt Davison came through crystal clear. (The only trick is using the TuneIn Radio app rather than the unfortunately unreliable official Huskers app.)

FullSizeRender
This was our view during the game.

Greg and Matt really make a great team. Greg deftly rides a fine line between the legendary Kent Pavelka’s I’m-about-to-have-an-aneuyrsm  level of enthusiasm and professional polish, balanced out by Matt’s nuanced observation and appropriate level of dread when needed.

If you’re ever in the mood to kick it like it’s the 20th century, give those guys a listen sometime.

Share Button
Big Ten, Huskers

Recap: Huskers roll, Dirk Chatelain trolls

Even in a lethargic, let’s-just-get-the-game-over-with-and-set-some-records-along-the-way 42 – 24 victory, Omaha World-Herald staff writer Dirk Chatelain found a way to stir up unnecessary drama.

Following Nebraska’s win over Rutgers, Bo Pelini rightfully called out his team for lack of execution. With a little more attention to detail, the Huskers could have easily doubled their 18 point margin of victory and given the backups some valuable playing time. Instead, they shot themselves in the foot enough times to still have the starters on the field at the final whistle.

While you expect the Huskers to show improvement from one week to the next, sometimes their progression stalls and the end result is a “blah win” which ultimately should never be anything to complain about.

Even our watch site had trouble getting motivated for the game. In our defense, 9am kickoffs on the West Coast are for the birds. Couple that with the game being on ESPN2 and a normally robust turnout plummeted to just a couple dozen who could barely bust out a Go Big Red. Games like this have all the fun of a Catholic mass at 6pm on a Sunday night. Everyone in attendance just wants to get communion and get the hell out.

Husker Watch Site
Rutgers scores a late touchdown and not single Husker fan throws things at the screen. This is how little anyone cared.

In a game where Ameer Abdullah ran for 225 yards on just 19 carries (11.84 YPC) and broke the Husker record for all-purpose yards with 341, Omaha World-Herald staff writer Dirk Chatelain’s biggest concern is why Tim Beck didn’t call more running plays. (It should be noted that the Huskers finished with 297 yards on the ground.)

From his column:

Omaha World-Herald staff writer Dirk Chatelain: “Do you understand the frustration when (Abdullah) rips off two for 50 and you throw it three straight times the next possession?”
Beck: “No, I don’t.”
Omaha World-Herald staff writer Dirk Chatelain: “Really?”
Beck: “No. You think every time we hand him the ball, he’s gonna run for 50? What if he runs for 2? Should they get frustrated, too, ’cause he didn’t run for 50? Is that the line’s fault then? Or is it his? Did he miss it? Or is it a bad play call because we should’ve ran the other way?”

Josh Harvey from Scout has the audio of the whole conversation between Beck and Omaha World-Herald staff writer Dirk Chatelain posted on his site. It’s worth a listen if you want to hear a master troll at work. Omaha World-Herald staff writer Dirk Chatelain comes off so whiny with the “Really?” that he makes Luke Skywalker sound like Samuel L. Jackson.

Now let’s go back and examine Omaha World-Herald staff writer Dirk Chatelain’s big question from above.

Ameer’s first 50 yard (53 if you want to get technical) touchdown run was preceded by him rushing for 7, 2 and 5 yards. The entire drive was four Ameer rushes and took 1:31 off the clock.

The next time the Huskers got the ball, their first play from scrimmage was this 16 yard strike to Jordan Westerkamp.

Had the the Rutgers defender not sent Westerkamp’s spleen into his kidneys, he may have gone all the way for a score.

Then, on the very next play, Ameer runs 48 yards for his second touchdown in barely three minutes. You might say Tim Beck set up this run with the previous PASSING PLAY.

Over the span of two drives that milked all of 2:03 off the game clock, Ameer carried the ball 5 out of 6 plays and scored two touchdowns.

So, the next time Nebraska got the ball don’t you think that maybe, just maybe, the Rutgers defense will be on the lookout for #8?

Starting from their own 41 and up 21 – 7, here’s how those three passes that Omaha World-Herald staff writer Dirk Chatelain was all in a huff about went down.

1st Down- Chucked out of bounds about ZIP Code away from DPE.

2nd Down- Caught by Alonzo Moore at the sideline but Moore was out-of-bounds by a sliver of a heel. Had the game been in a tighter situation, the play could have been called for a review. If it were ruled to be a completed pass, the Huskers would have been looking at third and 2.

3rd Down- Kenny Bell gets tossed off the field by a Rutgers defender. Tommy Armstrong then proceeds to throw a perfect strike to said defender for an INT.

Hmm… Sounds like Tommy Armstrong could use some work on his passing. With the Huskers up by two touchdowns in the dregs of the second quarter, why not give him some throws? Or does that make too much sense for Omaha World-Herald staff writer Dirk Chatelain?

His readers seem to think it does-

Dirk Readers
However, one Top Commenter chimed in to give credence to Omaha World-Herald staff writer Dirk Chatelain’s claim that people are frustrated by the lack of running.

Ronald Scribner
Yes, Ronald. It is beyond frustrating that every day can’t be like 1994 where vaginas were still hairy and wide receivers were used more for their blocking ability than catching skills. Heaven forbid that Bo Pelini and company could recruit receivers who can block AND catch.

Note Westerkamp’s pancake and Sam Cotton being such a nuisance that the Rutgers defender resorts to grabbing a double handful of jersey in a futile attempt to catch Ameer during his first touchdown run.

Funny how both those guys caught touchdown passes later in the game.

 

 

 

 

Share Button
Big Ten

Big Ten Power Rankings – Week 4

What a difference a couple of weeks can make.  The second Saturday of the 2014 college football season looked so dismal for the Big Ten that I was forced to eschew my normal conference power ranking in favor of this dubious list of impotence rankings.

Take, for example, this clip from a match two weeks ago.

[youtube]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=s_IwHrRLoMc[/youtube]

To the untrained eye, this might look like Illinois’ 42-34 win over Western Kentucky. But, believe it or not, it is a completely unrelated fight between two jack rabbits.

But now, in week four, things look a little different. The Big Ten posted a 12-1 record for the day while the mighty SEC went 7-4. Now, granted, three of the SEC losses were to other SEC teams. But that doesn’t change the fact that the only Big Ten/SEC match-up for the day resulted in a 31-27 Indiana win over defending SEC EAST Champions, Missouri.

So the Big Ten enjoyed a nice round of redemption in week 4. Enough to earn its first POWER ranking on this blog. But, while there was much to like out of the conference on Saturday, in terms of Big Ten hopes for a playoff berth, I turn to the famous words of Winston the Wolf:

wolf

WEEK 4 BIG TEN POWER RANKINGS

#1 Nebraska (4-0)

Now, you might think that defending Big Ten Champs Michigan State would come in at #1 what with its domination of one FCS school and one 1-3 MAC team and one well-fought loss out in Eugene. But, when it comes to picking the cream of the conference so far this year, it’s simple arithmetic.

4+4

At Nebraska, the tandem of 4s and number 8 have the Cornhuskers looking like the most complete team in the Big Ten. Say what you will about the last minute heroics against McNeese State, the Cornhuskers are a) undefeated and b) dominating their opposition like no one else in the Big Ten.

brad-kaaya-ncaa-football-miami-nebraska-850x560

For now, the Huskers are the top dogs.

#2 Penn State (4-0)

Now, you might think the defending Big Ten champs would come in at #2. After all , the Spartans just slobber-knocked Eastern Michigan by a 59-point margin. But look, the Nittany Lions are also undefeated — unlike the Spartans — and things have looked quite happy in Happy Valley with the news of PSU’s bowl eligibility reinstated.

-bf6825d284199fd1

Penn State has used a crushing defense (ranked 6th in the country) to roll out to a 4-0 start. But the offense is a little worrisome, mustering just 21 points against Akron and 13 against Rutgers. Quarterback Christian Hackenberg gets a lot of national love. But the dude runs hot and cold.

I get the feeling that once conference play gets into the thick of it, PSU fans are going to see some shit that will turn them white.

penn-state-whiteout-cc-300x200

#3 Maryland (3-1)

Now, you might think Michigan State would at least get the third spot in the power rankings. Everyone from here on out has at least one loss, just like the Spartans. But the Terps have rolled in their three wins so far this year and they went to the wire in a three point loss to a West Virginia team that has shown a knack for hanging with the big boys (Alabama and Oklahoma).

#4  Illinois (3-1)

Now, you might think that surely, SURELY Michigan State ought to be ranked higher than fucking Illinois. I mean, look at these jack-ass Illini fans for fuck sake.

ncaa-football-louisiana-tech-illinois-850x560

But Illinois owns one more win than MSU and an equal number of losses. Granted Illinois’ 3-1 record is tenuous at best.  For now they should enjoy the view from the top third of the conference because, starting Saturday with a trip to Lincoln, the hot streak is likely about to come crashing down.

#5 Rutgers (3-1)

Now, you might think Sparty ought to at least be Top 5. Right? Not if you ask this guy.

BxbHa39IAAEpipG

People understandably hate transitive comparisons in college football. Each match-up is uniquely good or bad based on team strengths and weaknesses. BUT, take a look at the Rutgers/Washington State/Oregon/Michigan State equation.  The Scarlet Knight’s three point win didn’t look so hot in week one against a program that has averaged three wins per season for the last decade. But did you see the Cougars give Oregon everything it could handle last Saturday? Sure WSU is off to another rough start with a 1-3 record, but Rutgers’ opening week win is looking a little better after Saturday, while MSU’s loss is looking slightly worse.

#6 Minnesota (3-1)

Now, you might think this power ranking has officially jumped the shark. Six teams – and no East Lansing brawlers? The same team that devastated Eastern Michigan to the tune of 49-0 in the first half. The same team that, for a brief moment, made Oregon think they wouldn’t hit their 46 points per game average.

But Minnesota just beat a Spartan team by 17 last week. Coincidence? Probably.

Now, you might think that any ranking that doesn’t have Michigan State at least in the top half of the conference is nothing but garbage.  And you’d be right. That’s why, rounding out the top half of Big Red Fury’s Big Ten power rankings is:

#7 Michigan State (2-1)

images-1

Michigan State’s one game season (with two scrimmages) is all about one hell of 2nd quarter out in Eugene. If the Spartans can bottle that offensive magic for conference play, then a repeat trip to Indianapolis by season’s end ought to be a forgone conclusion.

#8 Wisconsin (2-1)

The Badgers have hammered a pair of cupcakes in the wake of their epic meltdown versus LSU (something that Mississippi State managed to avoid, by the way). Wisconsin has a fairly easy road ahead all the way to November 15 when Nebraska comes to Madison.

#9 Iowa (3-1)

Nice rebound against a previously unbeaten Pittsburgh. But still, the first three weeks of the Hawkeye season were atrocious.

The Iowa Hawkeyes have made progress in their eternal quest to win some kind of pig trophy.
The Iowa Hawkeyes have made progress in their eternal quest to win some kind of pig trophy.

#10 Indiana (2-1)

Indiana had the win of the week for the Big 10 on a Saturday that saw a full dozen conference victories. Can the Hoosiers ride their upset of Missouri on into a successful league run?  History doubts it.

#11 Michigan (2-2)

images

First, Utah rained down on Michigan with special teams play and forced turnovers en route to a 16-point lead in the fourth quarter. Then the sky rained down on the field with torrential storms and lightning. Then Michigan fans rained down on the parking lot leaving Utah fans free reign to move about the Big House once the two hour delay was over.

Screen_Shot_2014_09_20_at_8_51_16_PM

Not a good showing for the Wolverines (the only Big Ten team to lose last week). Still, Michigan can take heart that the defense looked stout against an emerging PAC-10 program. And were it not for turnovers, Michigan’s offense (which out-gained the Utes) likely would have had the Wolverines in the game until the end.

#12 Ohio State (2-1)

That Virginia Tech loss is looking worse and worse by the week.

imgres

#13 Purdue (2-2)

Southern Illinois may be the last victory the Boilermakers see this season. Unless Northwestern still stinks in late November.

#14 Northwestern (1-2)

The Wildcats got their first win of the season by hosting the FCS Western Illinois Leathernecks. They’ve got another one lined up in the middle of conference play on October 25. Along with Purdue, those may be the only remaining wins Nortwestern sees this year. Unless Pat Fitzgerald can pull an epic coaching job out of his rear.  Which he has shown to do from time to time.

Share Button
Uncategorized

Big Ten Impotence Rankings

“Dr. Delany. Paging Dr. Delany. You’re needed in the emergency room.”

“What seems to be the problem, nurse?”

“It’s the conference. It’s choking on something.”

“Well let’s have a look. Let me stick my fingers in here a moment… Ah-ha! Here’s the problem.”

“What is it, doctor?”

“Donkey balls. It appears the conference has been sucking on them.”

I originally intended to do a week 2 “power” ranking for the Big 10 Conference, but after seeing how each team looks hell-bent on proving who is the most namby-pamby, I’ve decided to respect their wishes and rank the conference teams according to inadequacy.

So here goes.

WEEK 2 BIG 10 IMPOTENCE RANKINGS

1. Northwestern (0-2)

460x

It’s the Wildcats who have swung the limpest of dicks so far this season. Featuring the nation’s 113th ranked scoring offense and 80th ranked scoring defense, Northwestern has lollygagged out to an 0-2 start to the year. They first headed to Berkeley and got golden-showered on by the Golden Bears — a school that went 1-11 last year — and then came home and lost to Northern Illinois. Granted, the Huskies are used to beating Big 10 teams by now. But still, it’s goddamn Northern Illinois.

2. Purdue (1-1)

1410036754000-LAF Pfoot-CMU main_01

The Boilermakers have gone one for two in their attempt to pad their win total via a gauntlet of Michigan directional schools. It looked like a brilliant strategy, in week #1 at least. But Central Michigan is no Western Michigan, evidently.

3. Ohio State (1-1)

imgres

Week 1 showed that things were definitely amiss in Columbus without Braxton Miller in the driver’s seat. Week 2 proved that Ohio State is nothing more than pellets for a flock of Hokies.

An old Ohio State alum can probably tell you what it’s like to sit through a four-loss season, Buckeyes. Because that looks to be where you are headed.

4. Michigan (1-1)

imgres-1

Notre Dame ended your series like a disinterested ex-lover. Then proceeded to take your house, your car, your dog and your manhood. The clock may be ticking on Brady Hoke’s tenure in Ann Arbor.

5. Indiana (1-0)

images-1

The Hoosiers had little problem with in-state nemesis, Indiana State. But being the only game on Indiana’s resume thus far still puts them higher on the impotence scale than a pair of Big 10 losers. Getting stopped by the Sycamores on fourth down twice inside the red zone doesn’t help, either.

But hey, the alternate uniforms sure are dandy!

6. Michigan State (1-1)

hi-res-1a1f1d13643ed597196551f15f145142_crop_north

Sparty went out to Eugene with one single mission. Show the world that the nation’s top-ranked defense didn’t merely build its resume on the dubious backs of an offensive bush league.

And how did that go?

Well, if surrendering 500 yards and 46 points is your idea of making that statement, then mission accomplished.

7. Wisconsin (1-1)

imgres-2

Does a 34-point win over Western Illinois do anything to lessen the pitiful display of Wisconsin’s wet-noodle-tackling, lame-duck-tossing blown 4th quarter against LSU?

No.

8. Rutgers (2-0)

imgres-3

Not a bad start for the Scarlet Knights. As long as giving up 1,000 yards to winless Washington State and Howard doesn’t worry you. No cause for concern in Piscataway. Right?

9. Minnesota (2-0)

imgres-4

Out-yarded by both cream-puffs so far this season. Good thing the Gopher defense is killing it in the take-away department.

10. Iowa (2-0)

images-3

Pair of shitty wins over a pair of shitty opponents.

11. Illinois (2-0)

imgres-5

A guy with the first name of “Wonderful” put a scare into the Illini on Saturday. Western Kentucky was supposed to be an easy win for Illinois, but the Illini needed all of 21 points in the 4th quarter just to get some breathing room.

12. Penn State (2-0)

images-4

Within spitting distance of being the League’s best team is a program that isn’t even eligible for the post season.

13. Nebraska (2-0)

images-2

Okay, Nebraska narrowly escaping overtime against FCS school McNeese State does come with a few caveats. The Cowboys — a team filled with Power 5 conference transfers — are thought to be contenders for the FCS National Title. They even shellacked South Florida last year, giving McNeese State the distinction of having the largest margin of victory by a FCS school over an FBS team ever. We can also assume that, given a second chance by Armstrong, the 98-yard pick-six would not have happened and Nebraska mostly likely would have taken a 28-7 lead into half time. Even with a shitty 10-10 second half, that’s still a 21-point win. A large enough gap to keep the Huskers from tumbling out of the AP Top 25.

But, alas, the 98-yard pick-six did happen and Nebraska did tumble out of the AP poll. So swallow those caveats like caviar, Huskers. Your performance against McNeese State (particularly in the second half) lands you second fiddle to:

14. Maryland (2-0)

images

That’s right. These crab-cake-eating, Old-Bay-dipping, Blair-Witch-chasing Johnnie-come-latelies are the froth atop the Big 10 septic well. Just two weeks into the season and the Rust Belt Conference — home to no less than 4 college football Blue Bloods — has been shown up by a team whose sole purpose is to quell the grid-iron lust of Ravens fans one day prior to when REAL Maryland football gets played.

Congratulations.

Share Button