Memorial Stadium, We Need to Talk

By now everybody has posted their play-by-play review of the game on Saturday. I’m not going to give you another one of those, you get it. Things can change, Nebraska actually ran the ball.

Now I’m looking for more changes at Memorial Stadium. Or I’m going to possibly get in trouble.

I’m not ranking these changes that need to happen. They are all of equal importance.

Cheese Runzas

Runza_CheeseCREME

Why is it 2016 and I can only get a plain Runza at Memorial Stadium? If you asked 100 people if they wanted a plain Runza or a cheese Runza, 98 of them would say a cheese Runza, and the other two people wouldn’t have opinions worth respecting. Everything is better with cheese. Now I expect this to be changed by Saturday.

Children

Group of children
They look real cute until they sit next to you for 4 quarters

Two kids behind us somehow separately fell two rows down onto my mom during the game. Glad my mom was there to break their fall. Just kidding, her back hurts and the mom didn’t even apologize. If that’s the amount of attention you are going to be paying to your kids, how about you pay a sitter. I don’t want to go to a game and have children bothering me the whole time. I don’t have kids because I wouldn’t know what to do with them. But I know what to do with yours. Parents, here is my suggestion.

The Wave

Is this the wave that ruined everything?

To quote The Boneyard, “‘The Wave’ started spontaneously in 2012, students and the band will lead the wave throughout the entire stadium, controlling its speed and direction.”

But, according to Leslie Micek of Big Red Fury, the wave should spontaneously stop in 2016. The wave is an abomination. The wave is for followers. The wave is for people who stand up because somebody else stands up. And don’t even get me started on how people in Memorial Stadium do the slow-mo and fast wave. What the hell is that about? Just stop it and watch the damn game.

Stadium Seats

Always nice to have those hard plastic backs be in the space that was meant for your knees
Always nice to have those hard plastic backs be in the space that was meant for your knees

If you give me enough trash bags, I will go around the stadium before the game and end this once and for all. These take up more than one seat and I am going to take a measuring tape to the game and measure a seat and then measure the whole bench because I know I’m right. The only exception I will make is for super old people, I’m fine with the elderly having them but if you are in your 40s or something and need a cushion, stay at home in your La-Z-Boy and watch the game.

Actually, I know I said I wasn’t going to rank anything but I can go without cheese on my Runza if these are all thrown away by Saturday.

I guess life is about priorities.


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